Blah Blah Boston Blah

The Patriots won by 45 today, but that's only the second biggest story in Boston. The Red Sox just swept the Rockies (way to fucking go, you purple assholes) in the World Series, and, um... no one really cares? Well, that isn't true. People in Boston care. And bandwagon fans all over the country are pretending to be happy. And for whatever reason Joe Buck wont stop talking. God he sucks. He's like the Dane Cook of sports announcers - untalented and inexplicably famous.

Whatever. I can't watch any more of this celebration. Not because I'm a hater, mind you, but because I just don't care. And maybe a little because I'm a hater.

Anyway, the Eagles won. They beat a team that was starting a QB that couldn't even make their team. That should be all you need to know about the Vikings passing game. Dreadful. The Eagles didn't look awful, but they still suck in the red zone. This is a quintessential 8-8 team if I ever saw one. Yay. Wake me next April. Go Phils.

You Call That A Victory?

I call that an ass whooping. 13-1? Damn. I know it was Josh Beckett, but still. One run? Weak. And Schilling wont be much easier tonight. Get it together, Rockies. The rest of us are counting on you.

Also, the Flyers lost the first game of an 8 game road trip, and face a tough match up tonight in the Lightening. Nittymaki is making his first start of the season in goal. Should be a good game.

Oh, and the Eagles still suck.

God Damn It, Now I Have to Root for the Rockies

Fuck you Cleveland. You couldn't win one more fucking game? Really? Fuck. Now I have to root for the Rockies. This is almost as bad as when I was forced to root for the Marlins in 2003. Not that I hate the Rockies, but shit, I really hate the Red Sox. Well, I really hate their fans. I'm pretty indifferent towards the players themselves. Manny is actually pretty fucking amusing. And David Ortiz is cool I guess. J. D. Drew can go choke on a fat one, though. That fucking evangelical fuck.

Do yo have any idea what this means? If the Red Sox win another World Series, combined with the success of the Patriots, we're looking at the single most annoying fan base in the history of mankind. Worse than Notre Dame football fans. Worse than Cowboys fans. And yes, way worse than Yankees fans.

Big Daddy Drew of Kissing Suzy Kolber explains it perfectly, saying:

Boston fans fail to grasp a standard rule of sports fandom, which is: Any team that wins a title that is not your team is fucking annoying. It doesn’t matter how the other team won. They’re not YOUR team, so they can eat a fat dick. Fuck this “appreciating” other teams shit. Normal fans don’t do that. At least Cowboy and Yankee fans have a solid understanding of just why people can’t fucking stand them. But Mickey from Natick? Nope, he’s not gonna grasp that concept. In fact, he’s not gonna grasp much of anything.

(The entire article, which is a must-read for anyone who can't stand Boston fans, can be found here.)

So now I have to hope The Rockies, whose fans are undeserving if not insufferable, can stay ridiculously hot and upset the Red Sox, which will prevent my head from exploding.

Honestly, this all makes me sad. Until 2004, I understood Boston fans. They were, for the most part, miserable, like me. Yes, they had the Patriots and the Celtics, but the vast majority of Boston sports fans cared about the Red Sox and only the Red Sox. Then 2004 happened, and "Sox fans" started oozing out of the woodwork in droves. Genuine Boston fans were quickly outnumbered by assholes who couldn't name 6 Red Sox players. To make matters worse, I was in New York when the Red Sox won the World Series, and you had better believe every schmuck who lived anywhere near Boston at one point in his or her life what wearing a Sox hat and talking about how clutch Manny Ortez was.

And then, 4 months later, the Patriots beat the Eagles in the Super Bowl and the Decade of Douchebaggery was in full swing. Boston fans have not looked back. And so, it is because of this that I beseech you, Rockies of Colorado: please, please, beat those fucking fucks. And do it badly. For the sake of us all.

Did Anything Happen Today?

Someone probably played hockey somewhere, but who cares? It's fucking hockey. Although the coach of the Atlanta Thrashers did get fired after only 6 games. (Atlanta is 0-6-0). I feel like this has to be a record for anything other than football. 6 games? Into an 82 game season? Wow. I gotta say, I'm impressed.

I would also be impressed by the 4-1-0 Flyers, you know, if I cared about hockey. But that shit is dead to me. (You go to hell Bobby Clarke!) That being said, the team appears to be going in the right direction.

Manny doesn't care if the Red Sox lose the series. He's tired. He's had enough of this "baseball" and wants to go out drinking. Or something like that. Just "Manny being Manny" I guess. Of course Boston fans are going to be Boston fans and end up making a big deal of this. Insufferable pricks. God forbid you assholes don't win another championship. Fuckheads.

Anyway, tomorrow the Indians look to earn the right to lose painfully to the Rockies, but it won't be easy. Josh Beckett will be taking the hill, and he doesn't like losing playoff games. Good luck Indians. I'll be rootin' for ya'. We bitter folk gotta stick together.

The Eagles: Solidly Mediocre

Yeah, they won. But it wasn't pretty. The defense played well, the offense, eh, not so much. McNabb just isn't 100%, and the play calling just isn't that good. Is this a playoff team? In the NFC, why not? They will, however, have to finish better than at least one team in the division, and that seems unlikely. They aren't catching Dallas. The Giants are, somehow, 4-2. And the Redskins, well, they are the Redskins. Anything is possible I suppose. But I wouldn't wager on them either way. Anyway, enough about them. My interest is minimal, at best.

The Rockies have now won 20 of their last 21 games. They are one win away from the World Series. Fans are coming out of the woodwork, primarily because the Broncos aren't good (and are on a bye week). I honestly think this team will beat Cleveland in the World Series, because that seems to be how baseball has been working lately. Let's take a look at the last six World Series Champions, shall we?

2006: St. Louis Cardinals. Totally loyal fan base, relatively deserving city, completely undeserving team. They won 83 games. Ugh. The NL Central should be wiped off of the face of the Earth. At least the Rockies won 90 games (including a 1 game playoff) this year.

2005: Chicago White Sox. No problem here, although these fans did get six championships out of Michael Jordan. That helps to ease the pain of not winning a World Series for 87 years.

2004: Boston Red Sox. Look, just because they were the loudest whiners does not mean they were tortured. They got two Patriots Super Bowl victories right before the World Series and one right after it. And there was the whole Larry Bird era. And, while most pre-2004 Sox fans were quite loyal, all of the ones that have sprung up since have made Boston area fans intolerable as a whole. This series wasn't a slap in the face to baseball, but to sports fans in general, it has made our quality of living worse simply because of how it has made all Boston fans.

2003: Florida Marlins. Um, it don't get no worse than this. We were 7 outs away from Cubs-Red Sox and we ended up with Marlins-Yankees. The Marlins also won in 1997 (only their 5th season in the league) only to completely dismantle the team they had put together. (And they beat the Indians! Harbinger of doom, anyone?) The same thing happened in 2003, and as a result, they have no fans whatsoever. A baseball team. In Miami. Without fans. The city is like, 94% Latino!* They love baseball! The Marlins are a disgrace to our national pastime, through no real fault of the players or the fans. But there is no franchise in American sports less deserving of a championship, let alone two. Fuck the Marlins. Yes, I am bitter.

2002: Anaheim Angels. Well, I guess this team has fans. But does Disneyville U.S.A. really deserve a championship sports team? I say no. They never should have renamed this team. What was wrong with the California Angels? It worked wonders for the raisins. Damn, those are some smoov muthafuckas. Also, rally monkeys are gay. Real gay.

2001: Arizona Diamondbacks. Ah, they year that started it all. Look, we're all real glad the Yankees dynasty ended at the hands of someone, but did it have to be a team in it's 4th season? Again, nothing against the players, but for fucks sake, there's a pool in left field. A fucking swimming pool! In a baseball stadium! Honestly, what was the thought process there? "Hey, you know what would make watching a baseball game more enjoyable in person? Swimming!" And I'm supposed to believe this team has real fans? Yeah, right. They don't even deserve to beat the Rockies.

Which brings me back to my original point: The Cleveland Indians, swell bunch of guys that they are, are destined to lose to another NL expansion team. It will probably be the Colorado Rockies, and while I'll be rooting for the Indians, at least I'll be able to take solace in the fact that my city will remain only the second most tortured sports town around. Golly, I sure do love baseball.

*Statistical data unresearched and entirley fabricated.

Baseball Thoughts, Other Stuff

Did you ever in your life think you would see an NLCS featuring the Rockies and the Diamondbacks? Kill me. Do it now, make it swift. The Rockies won game one, by the way. I have nothing against that team, but good God almighty, Rockies - Diamondbacks? ROCKIES - DIAMONDBACKS?!?!?! This is worse than 2003 when we were like 7 outs away from a Cubs - Red Sox World Series and we ended up with Marlins - Yankees. Ugh. This, combined with the fact that Dane Cook is invading my TV during baseball games, is making me question my loyalty as fan of the game. And I love baseball. Please stop doing this to me God.

The Phillies gave Charlie Manuel an extension. For the record, I'm against this, but not too vehemently. I mean, he isn't great, and I'm pretty sure there's tapioca inside his head, but are they really going to find someone better? There are maybe, maybe, five good managers (Manuel is not one of them) in the game today. As bad as Uncle Cholly is at times, he's better than most alternatives. So whatever. If the players like him, fine. But he is an idiot.

The Flyers totally pounded the Canucks Wednesday. 8-2. Good god. When you score 8 goals in a hockey game, even someone as disillusioned and spiteful as I am (there will be an article in the relatively near future about my life as a Flyers fan) has to write something about it. This just in: Danny Briere is good.

That's it for now. I may or may not discontinue picking NFL games. I'm not good, and I am lazy. We'll see.

Ow, My Head

Well, the Phillies' postseason is over as quickly as it began. Three games against the Rockies, three losses. Just like that, they're done. But you know what? I'm okay with it. While I certainly would have liked to see them advance, as a fan, I was on a free roll anyway. They weren't supposed to be in the playoffs. I was never expecting them to be there. I had already resigned myself more than once during the season to another October without the Phillies, so when they ended up being there, it was a such a pleasant surprise that nothing could really ruin it.

Still, the way in which they bowed out was hardly pleasant. In fact, their entire season draws shocking parallels to a day in the life of a college student. The day, like the Phillies, started badly. Let's say it was a Friday and you had class all morning, even though the majority of people at your college didn't have Friday classes at all, let alone at 8am. Finally, after what seems like an eternity, class ends. Now you're off to happy hour at the local watering hole, and things are going well.

Unfortunately, because you've already been awake so long, after a few beers at happy hour, you're starting to feel tired and sluggish. By now it's about 5:30 in the afternoon and you have a very crucial decision to make: take a nap to rest up for an evening of debauchery, or do some laundry, get high and fall asleep at a reasonable hour to prepare for tomorrow. The Phillies, given their plague of injuries, chose the latter. But some of their players didn't get the message. And neither did the Mets.

So anyway, you're getting ready for bed. You're tired, maybe a little buzzed, and looking forward to sleeping for the next 14 hours while the world around you parties. You're very okay with this, but then your phone rings. One of your buddies calls you up to tell you about a huge party going on in Brooklyn. You tell him you're about to go to bed and that you don't want to head over to BK, but he keeps pestering you and eventually you give in. All of a sudden your night has new life.

It starts out well enough. The party seems pretty sweet. That asshole from Queens that you hate decided not to come at the last minute, and that jerk from Atlanta who seems to be at every party decided not to show either. There's even a couple hot chicks there, one of whom is for whatever reason willing to talk to you. You're hitting it off, but then everything takes a turn for the worse. The fact that you've been awake for the last 18 hours is, along with the beer, starting to catch up to you. Some hotshot freshman jerkoff from Denver has started talking to your girl and you're too drunk/tired to do anything about it. The next thing you know he's leaving with her and you're waiting 30 minutes for the L train at 4am with your buddy, sucking down a Pabst you jacked from the fridge at the party, wondering what just happened. You wake up the next morning naked on your floor, a little confused at how you got there.

All in all the night could have gone better, but you don't have any regrets. The party was pretty cool, and while you may not have been fully prepared for it, time at college is precious and one must make the most of every second of it. You feel deep down that this was a step in the right direction. Next time you'll take that girl home and rail her till you get a trophy with a bunch of little flags on it. Next time you wont just be happy to be there. Next time you'll be ready. But right now your head hurts and you just need to crawl back into bed for the next 6 hours and sleep off any lingering effects.

That's the way I feel about the Phillies' season. No regrets. It's definitely something upon which they can build, even if it didn't quite end perfectly. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go back to bed and sleep the NLDS off.

Game Two

Ugh. You see, this is what I was afraid of. Don't get me wrong, I'm THRILLED the Phillies made the playoffs, especially when you consider how the Mets helped them, but one thing sticking out in the back of my mind was, "Well, now they wont fire Charlie Manuel". But oh, they should. He isn't a good manager. Yes, maybe he keeps the team loose. And maybe that's why they always start poorly. These teams didn't start poorly under Larry Bowa. They came out swinging and faded down the stretch because he's a hardass. We need to find a happy medium. Uncle Cholly has to go. Pulling Kendrick was just another example of a man who does not know how to think overthinking things.

A couple other notes on baseball: The Yankees got spanked, which was nice. And the Cubs, a team that really didn't deserve a playoff spot, are doing their best to relinquish said spot as fast as possible. Also, nothing against the Rockies, but if they win the World Series, I'm going to be physically ill. Two Marlins championships and one Rockies championship in the 15 years they have existed while Cubs, Indians, Tigers, Phillies, Mets, Dodgers and Giants fans (and the list goes on) wait patiently for a ring is absolutely inexcusable. It's bad enough the Diamondbacks won a ring in their 4th season. At least the Devil Rays have had the courtesy to stink to all hell.

And speaking of the Diamondbacks, who won again to go up 2-0 on the Cubs, are we really headed for a Diamondbacks - Rockies NLCS? Really? Them? How many people are really - and I mean really - going to care? 12? Maybe 15? These teams don't have real fans! No one even lived out there 50 years ago! And the people who do live there now were all born elsewhere. There are no tortured sports fans in Colorado or Arizona. No one is telling their grandkids about the legendary Rockies teams led by Larry Walker and Andres Galaraga or the fabled 2001 Diamondbacks. Ugh. I just don't get it. And yes, I AM bitter. 23 years and nothing to show for it. This is why me and you God, still not cool.

Oh, and Phils in five. Come on fellas, I really don't want to focus on the Eagles right now.

Game One, Other Stuff

I know I said I was going to post a running diary for game one of the Phillies-Rockies series. Well, I lied. I did keep a diary, but right after the game was over I had to jump on a train to go to the Roots concert. (More on this in a minute.)

By the time I finished typing up the diary and anyone got a chance to read it, game two would have started. It's not like they won. Who to blame? Hamels? No, he pitched well other than the 2nd inning. The offense? Well, Howard and Utley were a combined 0-8 with 7 strikeouts. Rollins was 0-3. You want to blame those guys? Please. Without them, there is no playoff baseball in Philly. Jeff Francis deserves credit. He pitched incredibly well. It's a five game series. There's still plenty of time. If you really want someone to blame, there's always Adam Eaton.

As for The Legendary Roots Crew, who were joined by Big Daddy Kane, MC Lyte, Beanie Sigel, Dice Raw, Malik B and Rashad Smith, I mean, wow. If you have never seen The Roots live, well, do it. They're incredible. No other musical act will give you your money's worth more than The Roots. They played for three hours. Simply Fantastic. For the second year in a row I got ?ueslove paraphernalia. I got his fist pick last year, and this year I got an autographed drumstick, both of which were thrown into the crowd after the show. Suh-weet. Seriously, go see them. You wont regret it.

More tomorrow. Go Phils.

Fourteen Hours

In 14 hours, the Phillies will play playoff baseball for the first time in my adult life.

Goosebumps.

Stay tuned for a live gameblog posted as frequently as I feel like.

Fourteen Years

Fourteen years have gone by since the Phillies have had reason to celebrate like this.


It was a long wait, but this team earned it. I was debating what to name this blog entry. There were a lot of possibilities. "Phinally!", "I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so scared!", and of course "It turns out it was Billy Wagner that wasn't committed to winning." Any of them would have worked out fine.

(Side note on Wagner: He blew two saves against the Phillies this year, a team that beat his team for the playoffs by one game. In 2005, he blew two games against the Astros, a team that beat his team (the Phillies) for the playoffs by one game. Coincidence? I think not. Suck it, shithead.)

Back to the entry. Anyway, any of those titles would have been fitting, but "Fourteen Years" seems the most appropriate. You know what has happened since the last time the Phillies made the playoffs? As far as my life is concerned, pretty much everything. I was 9 in 1993. Since then I have begun and completed middle school, high school and college. 7 years of Clinton and 7 years of Dubya have gone by. 9/11. Four Yankees World Series rings. Three Patriots Super Bowl victories. Two Michael Jordan retirements. The Red Sox and White Sox won the World Series. O.J. Simpson's public image changed a little. Tupac, Biggie, mainstream hip-hop - all dead. And thats only the tip of the tip of the iceberg. In the cosmic sense, 14 years is the blink of an eye. But in the 23 year old Philadelphian sense, its a fucking eternity. It's roughly 60% of my life.

And now? Vindication. At least temporarily. My memories of playoff baseball are distant, but still relatively vivid. I remember clinching the division. I remember beating the Braves - Nails' 10th inning homer, Wild Thing's leap. And I remember the World Series - Schillings amazing performance, losing a game in which we scored 14 runs, Joe Fucking Carter. And I was happy right up until that last moment. Unbelievably happy. Happy in a way I have been only a seldom few times in my life. That happiness? It's back.


And yes, I know, the Phillies still have to get past the Rockies or the Padres. And then they would have to get past another NL team. And then they would have to beat a superior AL team. And yes, I am a realist. I do not think the Phillies will win the World Series. But I sure as hell didn't think the Cardinals were winning the World Series last year. And I didn't think the Marlins were going to win in 1997. Or 2003. (Can you believe the Florida Marlins have won two World Series? Ugh.) The thing is, anything can happen once you're in the playoffs. And the Phillies are in. And I'm ready for whatever comes next.

PLAYOFFS!

Yes motherfucker, we're talking about playoffs. Jim Mora would be proud. I'm... I'm shocked. In a really, really, really good way. More on this later in the day. I just got home from work.

Playoffs baby. Playoffs.