Chase Utley Is Awesome, Josh Hamilton Is Good At Hitting Baseballs, Billy Wagner And J.D. Drew Can Rot in the Firiest Pits Of Hell

Hmm, it's a been a little while since I've posted anything. Sorry about that. Anyway, if for whatever reason you haven't seen how Chase Utley really feels about being booed, here it is:



Also, Josh Hamilton's display of 28 home runs in the first round was pretty damn impressive, but then he had to go and lose all anticlimactically. And then he STILL had to go thank his lord and savior. Guhhhh. If he really thinks Jesus is the reason he is where he is today, that's super, but please, spare me the preaching. I don't go telling everyone about that talking cat named Mittens that convinced me to stop strangling hookers.

And of course J.D. Drew had to be the MVP of an All Star game that a Phillie lost. At least Lidge didn't blow a lead like Wagner. Got I hate Billy Wagner. And J.D. Drew. They're both on the short list of people that would make me smile if they got hit by a bus.

Brett Favre has also worked his way onto that list. More on that tomorrow. Now I need to head to work.

All Star Game Thoughts, Part 2

Yesterday I went over who is starting for the American League as well as who should be starting. Today I will do the same for the National League. Let's get right to it.

(All Stats as of July 6th.)

Catcher: Geovany Soto, Cubs. .289/15/52. I think the difference between Soto and Brian McCann (Braves - .293/15/48) is small enough that the fact that Soto's team is in 1st place should give him the nod. Pretty crappy year for catchers across the majors.

1st Base: Lance Berkman, Astros. .349/22/70/74 R/.437 OBP. Berkman is having a phenomenal year and is the clear choice here despite a strong class of NL 1st baseman.

2nd Base: Chase Utley, Phillies. .294/25/68. Utley is having a typically superb year and deserves to start, but it's a lot closer than I would have imagined due to the excellent play of Dan Uggla (Marlins - .289/23/58).

3rd Base: Chipper Jones, Braves. .388/18/50/.485 OBP. As much as I hate Larry, he's a hell of a baseball player having a hell of a year. No argument here.

Shortstop: Hanley Ramirez, Marlins. .303/21/43/21 SB. Ramirez is also the clear choice in a down year for shortstops. Still no complaints so far with the fans choices, but I may have spoken too soon...

Outfield: Ryan Braun, Brewers, (.284/21/59). Alfonso Soriano, Cubs, (.283/15/40). Kosuke Fukudome, Cubs, (.287/7/35). Ah, here we go. Now I have some complaints. Braun is fine, he's having a good year when most NL outfielders aren't. Soriano shouldn't be starting, but I don't have a problem with him being on the team. Fukudome is a different matter. His numbers are above average, sure. But starting an All Star game? You've got to be kidding. He shouldn't even be on the team. So who else should be starting? Well, two guys who are eligible for the final spot, Carlos Lee (Astros - .292/20/70) and Pat Burrell (Phillies - .278/22/54/.410 OBP). The fact that one of these guys isn't going to make the team is ridiculous when you've got guys like Fukudome and Ryan Ludwick occupying spots. And yes, I understand that the suggested starting outfield of Carlos Lee, Ryan Braun and Pat Burrell might be the worst defensive outfield of all time, but so what? It's a fucking all star game.

As for the designated hitter, just put Pujols there and let Adrian Gonzalez be the first sub at 1st base.

All right, I've said my peace. As usual, I'm right. But hey, that's why they pay me the big bucks.

Blind Homerism Carries 7 Cubs, Red Sox, To All Star Game

Yes, Cubs and Red Sox fans have voted 7 players in from each of their respective teams. Of those 14 players, 7 were voted in as starters, and at least one of them even deserves to start! Which one? That will be revealed shortly as I go position by position. Let' start with the American League, which I'm sure will find a way to win despite having what seems like a vastly inferior roster. The fans' choices will appear first, and if I disagree, the player I think should be starting will follow.

(All stats are as of July 5th)

Catcher: Joe Mauer, Twins. .325/4/37.415 OBP. I have no problem with this. He's hitting .325, and no other catcher in the AL is putting up numbers worthy of supplanting him here.

1st Base: Kevin Youkilis, Red Sox. .310/13/53. Youkilis is having a fine season, but Justin Morneau (Twins - .307/12/65) is having a better one. Not exactly a banner year for AL 1st baseman though.

2nd Base: Dustin Pedroia, Red Sox. .312/9/39/60 R/9 SB. Pedroia is another fine young player, but the fact that Ian Kinsler (Rangers - .332/14/53/79 R/23 SB) isn't starting here is a damn shame. Kinsler is having what is easily the best season of any AL 2nd baseman and deserves to start.

3rd Base: Alex Rodriguez, Yankees. .320/17/49/.407 OBP. Despite missing a couple weeks, A-Rod is having a typically swell season and deserves to start. His competition isn't exactly fierce either, as the only other 3B on the AL roster is Joe Crede (Withe Sox - .261/15/47).

Shortstop: Derek Jeter, Yankees. .280/4/36. These are probably the worst numbers Jeter has ever had at this point in the season, which says a lot about his career. Michael Young (Rangers - .292/7/46) is having a better year, but whatever. The game is in Yankee Stadium and it's Derek Jeter.

Outfield: Josh Hamilton, Rangers, (.309/19/84). Ichiro Suzuki, Mariners, (.303/3/21/61 R/34 SB). Manny Ramirez, Red Sox (.279/16/53). Hamilton is a no-brainer. Ichiro will be voted in as a starter 3 years after he's dead. And Manny... well, you could argue that Carlos Quentin (White Sox - .273/19/61) is having a better season - and he is - but Manny hit his 500th home run this season, he's having a pretty good year, and whatever, he's Manny. Quentin is only 25. He'll get his chance.

Designated Hitter: David Ortiz, Red Sox (.252/13/43). Ortiz is hurt and wont be able to play. He will be replaced by Milton Bradley (Rangers - .320/17/54) who is having a very good season. Whatever. Look, voting for a DH in all star games is stupid. Yes, there should be a DH regardless of where the game is being played, but fans shouldn't be forced to choose between guys who just DH. The DH should just be whatever position player got the most votes among non starters. Theres no reason for Ortiz, who has missed over 30 games this season, to be voted in as a starter.

Starting Pitcher: Starters have yet to be determined, but I think Cliff Lee, Indians (11-1/2.43 ERA/1.04 WHIP/99 K/19 BB/ 118.2 IP) should start. He's struggled a little as of late, but overall he's been phenomenal this season.

That's it for the American League. National League will be done tomorrow.

Is Everyone Else As Excited As I Am For The NHL All Star Game?!?

God damn this week sucks. Hurry up and get here Super Bowl. Once you're over I can officially start counting the days until baseball season.

A Couple Final All-Star Notes

First of all, kudos to both managers for starting the two most deserving pitchers tomorrow night. Both Peavy and Haren will represent the NL and AL, respectively, to start the game, proving yet again, I'm always right. Except when I'm wrong.

Also, Jim Leyland, the man who should be managing the Phillies, absolutely nailed the AL lineup:

1. Ichiro
2. Jeter
3. Ortiz
4. A-Rod
5. Vlad
6. Magglio
7. I-Rod
8. Polanco

I probably would have switched Ortiz and Vlad based solely on performance this year and proximity to the game - Boston is a little farther from San Francisco than Anahiem is - but Papi is the bigger star and still a great hitter.

Tony La Russa, on the other hand, made a lineup that one would expect from a man whose team boasts a spiffy 40-45 record. Here it is:

1. Reyes
2. Bonds
3. Beltran
4. Griffey
5. Wright
6. Fielder
7. Martin
8. Utley

Now let me make this abundantly clear - I am NOT only pissed at this because I am a Phillies fan. I am pissed because I am a baseball fan and this makes no sense. Lets break it down by lineup spot, shall we?

1. Reyes: fine. Makes sense.
2. Bonds: also fine. The game is in San Fran.
3. Beltran: Um, WHAT THE FUCK Tony? The man is hitting .264! .264! Should hit 6th.
4. Griffey Jr.: should be hitting 3rd. Bonds then Griffey? I'm sorry, even I think that's cool.
5. Wright: look, Wright is a very good player, but in this line up, he should hit 7th.
6. Fielder: um, maybe the best power hitter on the team should hit 4th. Just a hunch.
7. Martin: clearly the worst hitting starter, should hit 8th.
8. Utley: Hold on. Wait for it. Wait for it. WHAT?!?! He has the best across the board numbers of anyone on the team. He is clearly one of the top hitters in baseball, not just the NL and hitting him 8th - behind Martin! Martin! - is downright insulting. He should be hitting 5th. Now, this decision will make sense if one and only one thing happens: he plays the whole game. The other two second baseman are Orlando Hudson and Freddy Sanchez, choices that are dubious and absurd, respectively. Hudson, while having a good year, should have been replaced by Jimmy Rollins or even teammate Eric Byrnes. Freddy Sanchez, the lone Pirate, is occupying a spot that teammate Ian Snell deserves. If neither of those guys plays, no one will care. Not even Pittsburgers, or Pittsburgians or Yinzers, or whatever the fuck they call themselves.

So, in short, here is my proposed NL lineup:

1. Reyes
2. Bonds
3. Griffey Jr.
4. Fielder
5. Utley
6. Beltran
7. Wright
8. Martin

Now that is a team that might actually have a chance against the AL lineup. Aw, who am I kidding? They're gonna get killed either way. Final Score: Al 11, NL 6.

Also, Big Boy repeats as Derby winner, hitting an astonishing 743 balls into McCovey Cove. Enjoy the festivities.

Who Should Be Starting Tuesday

We all know who the starters actually are at this point. Now it's time for me to make it clear who should be starting at each position for the AL and NL.

American League:

Catcher: Victor Martinez, Cleveland Indians. .326 BA, 15 HR, 66 RBIs
Ivan Rodriguez will be the actual starter, despite the fact that Martinez is having a far superior year in pretty much every statisitical category.

First Base: Justin Morneau, Minnesota Twins. .288, 20, 66.
David Ortiz was voted in as the starter. Papi is a great player having a good year, but he only has 14 home runs. Morneau should start, although this is hardly a major snub. This is why the All Star game should have a DH every year. But I guess that would make too much sense, wouldn't it Bud?

Second Base: Brian Roberts, Baltimore Orioles. 323, 5, 26, 26 SB.
Placido Polanco, the man who should be playing 3rd base for the Phillies, is having a very good season, but Roberts has been better. His OBP is higher and he has scored only 6 fewer runs playing on a much shittier team.

Shortstop: Derek Jeter, New York Yankees. .341, 5, 43.
Can't argue with Jeter, whom the fans also voted to start. But Orlando Cabrera not making the team is just plain wrong. Michael Young? Please.

Third Base: Alex Rodriguez, New York Yankees. .348, 28, 80.
Um, the fans got this one right too. A-Rod was the obvious choice.

Outfield: Magglio Ordonez, Detroit Tigers. .370, 13, 69.
That .370 is NOT a typo. 'Nuff said. Fans voted him in.

Outfield: Vlad Guerrero, LA Angels. .329, 14, 75.
Another typically superb year from Vlad. Fans got him.

Outfield: Torii Hunter, Minnesota Twins. .301, 18, 66.
It's hard to argue against the fans' choice, Ichiro, who is hitting .365, but Hunter's power numbers and superb defense make me feel he deserves the spot. He's also a true centerfielder.

Starting Pitcher: Dan Haren, Oakland A's. 10-2, 2.20 ERA, .98 WHIP
If those aren't the numbers of a man who deserves to start for an All Star team, maybe I just don't understand baseball. That being said, it appears Josh Beckett (12-2, 3.44, 1.14) will start. Beckett is having a very good year, but the Red Sox score runs in droves, and Haren, who pitches for a team that is next to last in runs scored, would have at least 12 wins for the Sox at this point.

National League:

Catcher: Russell Martin, LA Dodgers. .300, 9, 55, 16 SB.
Fans got this right. 16 steals from a catcher before the break? He's like a Jason Kendall that can actually hit.

First Base: Prince Fielder, Milwaukee Brewers. .278, 27, 66.
Also the right choice. Pujols has been good as usual, but Fielder would be the NL MVP if the season ended today.

Second Base: Chase Utley, Philadelphia Phillies. .324, 15, 66. (He also has 33 doubles, just for good measure.)
DUH. Utley is far and away the best second baseman in baseball, not just the NL. Fans got him right too.

Third Base: Miguel Cabrera, Florida Marlins. .321, 17, 58.
The vans voted in David Wright, which comes as no surprise considering there are just a few more Mets fans out there than Marlins fans. But Cabrera has better numbers across the board, with the exception of steals, which aren't that important. The bottom line is, Cabrera is a better player, this year and every year.

Shortstop: Jose Reyes, New York Mets. .310, 4, 34, 43 steals.
Ok, so this Met does deserve to start. Reyes stands out among NL shortstops, despite the wealth of talent the position. Rollins deserves to be on the team though.

Outfield: Barry Bonds, San Franciso Giants. .303, 17, 42, .514 OBP.
That OBP is obscene, even for Bonds. Pitchers still fear him because the man can still hit, by his own merits or otherwise. He deserves to start, and the fans recognized that.

Outfield: Aaron Rowand, Philadelphia Phillies. .309, 11, 43.
Call it blatant homerism if you want, but his average and OBP are both 40 points higher than the fan selected starter Carlos Beltran's. And Beltran only has 4 more home runs, all 4 of which he hit against the Phils last weekend. That fuck. You could argue that Matt Holliday deserves to start over both of them, but he doesn't play centerfield, so I'm sticking with Rowand.

Outfield: Ken Griffey Jr., Cincinnati Reds. .293, 22, 57.
Griffey, one of the feel-good stories of this season, deservedly got voted in by the fans.

Pitcher: Jake Peavy, San Diego Padres. 9-3, 2.19 ERA, 1.06 WHIP, 125 Ks, 119 IP.
This was the hardest decision I had to make, because probable starter Brad Penny is very deserving (10-1, 2.39 ERA, 1.19 WHIP, 82Ks, 116.2 IP). The difference for me was strikeouts, of which Peavy has 43 more in only 2.1 more innings pitched. He also has slightly better peripherals, although Penny has indeed been great.

Well, there you have it. The fans got a lot of guys right, but made a few mistakes as well. It happens. Enjoy the break, when absolutely nothing will happen in sports for like 4 days.

Merriman Banned from Pro Bowl; Total Number of Shits Given: 0

Yes, Shawne Merriman was banned from participating in the Pro bowl due to his positive steroid test earlier this year, and not one American gave a shit. Not even Merriman himself. Why would he? No one watches the Pro Bowl, and he can still go Hawaii. It's like he's going to the company picnic but he can't play in the softball game because he embezzled millions of dollars. Maybe he would have enjoyed the game, but is he really losing any sleep over it? Not a chance. He should have been suspended for a whole year.

Meanwhile, Peyton Manning is enjoying his Super Bowl success. The line to blow him is now 3 blocks long, and consists almost entirely of television sports commentators. That being said, he does at this point have to be considered when discussing the all time greats, something I can say with confidence will never spill over to his little brother, Eli. He sucks.

Sucker Punched

Carmelo isn't in the All Star Game? He's the leading scorer in the NBA. That's horseshit. So he punched a guy. Big deal. You find me one NBA player who hasn't punched a guy in the last year and I'll show you Kyle Korver. Carmelo is a baller. It's about entertaining the fans, and he's one of the NBA's best. Let the man play. The only positive to this is that now maybe the game will be competitive. Nah, who am I kidding? The West is still going to kill the East, which doesn't even have Iverson, their perennial savior during this game. This game won't be close.

Also, AI2 aka Andre Iguodala, should be in the dunk contest again. He was robbed last year by Nate "Napoleon Complex" Robinson, who took 15 tries to do something that was still less impressive than AI2's. He must get his revenge, even though I can't see him, or anyone, topping his performance last year. The Off-the-back-of-the-backboard dunk was phenomenal. If you haven't seen it, for the love of god, click that link and prepare to have to change your pants.

Update: It has been brought to my attention that AI2 will not be participating. I guess he feels he has nothing more to prove after last year, despite the fact that he wasn't the official winner. Still, it would have been fun to watch him do his thing again this year.