Chase's Turn?

I say yes. He is, after all, the most talented Phillie. This video is from ESPN. There's some interesting insight from Chase, Jimmy and Shane.

In Defense of Barry Bonds

Look, let me say this immediately - I don't like Barry Bonds. He's a dick. Always has been, always will be. These recent developments, however, are a tad over the top. He's being indicted for perjury? Really? Are you going to indite Rafael Palmeiro too? What about Mark "I'm not here to talk about the past" McGwire? (I always loved how he was allowed to get away with saying that WHEN HE WAS APPEARING IN FRONT OF CONGRESS TO DISCUSS HIS PAST!) Good grief. What about Sammy "I suddenly don't speak English" Sosa?

You're going to punish Bonds - because he just happened to be a better baseball player than those guys - and not them? You're going to punish him for not being friendly to the media? Yo, fuck that.

You want to take away his record (if that's even possible)? Fine. No one who actually cares about baseball considers him the "Home Run King". (A couple days ago the headline in the paper read "Home Run King Indicted" and my immediate reaction was "Hank Aaron was indicted?") You want to essentially force him into retirement? Done.

You want to render all of his accomplishments on the baseball diamond worthless? Beyond done. But you want to put him in jail? Come on now. That isn't fair.

If you ask me, this whole thing just REEKS of Monica Lewinsky. No, it doesn't smell like cheeseburgers and dick. I didn't mean it literally. I mean it sounds just like the whole scandal that wasted God only knows how much of our time and money. Did the president get freaky with a fat intern? Yup. Was it any of our fucking business? HELL. FUCKING. NO. That's my problem with perjury: if you have no business asking the question, I don't have to answer it truthfully.

Now, with Bonds it is a little different. We do have a right, as baseball fans, to know if he used performance enhancing drugs. However, at the time of use, he wasn't violating the rules of baseball. Just like Clinton wasn't breaking any laws by letting a fatty schlob his knob. Both Bonds and Clinton were being asked questions they should not have had to answer. Baseball had Barry's test results. He didn't need to go on the stand. And he certainly shouldn't be sent to jail for trying to save his image. Do you really think anyone in the world is more upset about this than Bonds? Not a chance. This is especially upsetting for him (and sad for baseball fans) because he would have been a shoo in for the Hall based on his natural ability alone.

Now? That's all gone. He might get into the Hall of Fame someday, but it will be a pretty vacant honor. The one thing Bonds always had going for him was the respect of true baseball fans, love him or hate him. That's gone now too. And it's never coming back. Do we really need to waste a prison cell (and plenty of taxpayer dollars) on this guy? No. We don't.

Now, if you want to lock Bud Selig up for a while, hey, I'm all for it.

It Wasn't Supposed to Happen This Way.

This just feels... wrong. 756, if it happened at all, wasn't supposed to go down like this. It was the most glorious record in sports. One that could never be broken. It was the record, the one every kid, myself included, dreamed of breaking. It was untouchable. Or so we thought.

When I was younger, having seen video of Aaron hitting 715, I always thought that if someone managed to hit 756, it would be a truly momentous occasion. He would forever go down in history as a legend, and I would never forget where I was if and when the record was actually broken.

Well, for the most part, that's actually true. 50 years from now I'm sure I'll remember sitting at work at 11:45pm, in an empty restaurant save for the young couple at the bar, watching Bonds' at bat live on ESPN. It seemed normal enough, but then that picturesque left-handed swing connected and his arms went up. He knew. We all knew. The inevitable had occurred. 756. As a hurricane of money-grubbing jerks (the guy who ended up with the ball was wearing a Mets jersey!) converged on the ball in the left field stands, Bonds rounded the bases and the celebration began. His legend was cemented into baseball lore, for better or for worse.

And how did I, a lifelong baseball fan, feel about all of it? Disturbingly indifferent. If you had told me as a little kid that I wouldn't giving half of a flying fuck about the record being broken, I wouldn't have believed you. I mean, he's the new Home Run King! 756! That's more than anyone, EVER. And yet, I don't care.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't hate Barry Bonds. I think he had hall of fame talent before he ever juiced up and I don't hold using steroids against him any more than I hold it against every other player of his generation. And, while I do believe he has knowingly used and abused performance enhancing drugs, he still hasn't tested positive. And even if he did indeed use 'roids, he was still better than every other player of his era.

No, it isn't his fault that tonight was depressing. As they say in the glamorous world of hip-hop, Barry was just "gettin' his" all these years. Can't blame him for wanting to stay one step ahead of the competition. After all, you know the saying: "Don't hate the player, hate the spineless douchebag commissioner who let baseball become so thoroughly corrupted." At least I think that's it. Sounds about right, anyway.

Bail(ing on) Bonds

In recent baseball news, controversy swirls around the Giants and their contract talks with slugger Barry Bonds. Apparently the Giants attempted to work a clause into the one year, $15 million contract that Bonds signed stating that the contract could be voided if Bonds were indicted in the ongoing BALCO case regarding past steroid use. This was of course opposed by the players union because it was, among other things, highly unconstitutional. You can't terminate a guys contract just because he was accused of committing a crime, even if he is, like in Bonds' case, obviously guilty. You still need proof.

This entire controversy, however, is a farce. You see, there is indeed a problem with a certain clause in Bonds' contact, but it has nothing to do with possible indictment in the BALCO case. In fact, the controversy is regarding something much more simple - Bonds' uniform. The average major league baseball player has a hat size of 7 5/8. Barry Bonds wears a size 87 3/4. This is much, much bigger than the league average and requires custom fitting, which is surprisingly expensive.

The Giants wanted the cost of covering his massive cranium to fall upon Bonds, and Bonds doesn't like that one bit. He feels it is the responsibility of the Giants - the team that turned a blind eye as Bonds shot himself full of things 5-8 years ago that probably could have saved Barbaro, causing his head to swell to proportions that would make a watermelon farmer proud - to pay for his unthinkably large sombrero.

Now I know, it seems ludicrous that a man who has made as much money as Barry Bonds in his lifetime would quarrel over something as trivial as paying for a custom hat, but you must remember that this is no ordinary man. It's Barry Bonds. He's a dick.