Chase Utley Is Awesome, Josh Hamilton Is Good At Hitting Baseballs, Billy Wagner And J.D. Drew Can Rot in the Firiest Pits Of Hell

Hmm, it's a been a little while since I've posted anything. Sorry about that. Anyway, if for whatever reason you haven't seen how Chase Utley really feels about being booed, here it is:



Also, Josh Hamilton's display of 28 home runs in the first round was pretty damn impressive, but then he had to go and lose all anticlimactically. And then he STILL had to go thank his lord and savior. Guhhhh. If he really thinks Jesus is the reason he is where he is today, that's super, but please, spare me the preaching. I don't go telling everyone about that talking cat named Mittens that convinced me to stop strangling hookers.

And of course J.D. Drew had to be the MVP of an All Star game that a Phillie lost. At least Lidge didn't blow a lead like Wagner. Got I hate Billy Wagner. And J.D. Drew. They're both on the short list of people that would make me smile if they got hit by a bus.

Brett Favre has also worked his way onto that list. More on that tomorrow. Now I need to head to work.

Jay Williams: Hell Of A Nice Guy, Lousy Tipper

And yes, I do mean the Duke educated, motorcycle-riding Jay Williams. I work in a restaurant in the West Village. It's a high end Mexican place that just opened a few weeks ago. Yesterday evening a guy walks in with a couple of friends and asks for a table. We don't have a hostess on Sundays, so I sat him, although it wasn't in my section. Beyond that I didn't think much of it, until I actually took a good look at the guy. Unfortunately none of my coworkers are really sports fans, at least not on the scale that they would recognize a guy who played one year in the NBA before an accident permanently derailed his career.

Anyway, I eventually just went up to him and said "Hey, this might seem out of the blue, but if the answer is 'Yes' you're probably pretty used to it: Are you Jay Williams?" He laughed and said that he indeed was, then asked me my name and shook my hand. I asked him if he was ever going to play again and he said that he wasn't, but he was going to start as an analyst for ESPN the next day (i.e. today). If everything goes well it'll turn into a permanent gig. I wished him luck and let him enjoy the rest of his meal. On the rare occasions I do encounter a celebrity, I understand the concept of essentially treating them like anyone else, which is what I imagine most of them want. (To be fair, if I ever met Chase Utley or Cole Hamels, I'd probably gush and giggle like a schoolgirl.)

I told the girl that was waiting on him that if he paid, I wanted to see what kind of a tip he left. His bill was $71, and he left a $10 tip, which is a little less than 15%, which is pretty crappy. I'm certainly not accusing him of being cheap - if he were truly cheap he probably would have left even less - I just don't think he knows any better. Granted, there's no real excuse for not knowing any better, but whatever. I'm not gonna hold it against him. But I will call him a lousy tipper.

And, speaking of Chase Utley, he hit his league leading 20th home run last night, as those 1st place Phillies came back to take 2 out of 3 from the Marlins. This team is playing well, have scored more runs than any team other than the Cubs, and are now a season-best 8 games over .500.

Also, Mike Lieberthal signed a one day contract with the Phillies and officially retired a Phillie, which is nice. He played 13 season for the Phillies and made a couple of all-star teams, and he was a stand up guy through and through. Good to have you back Mike, even if it was only for a day.

Chase's Turn?

I say yes. He is, after all, the most talented Phillie. This video is from ESPN. There's some interesting insight from Chase, Jimmy and Shane.

What A Difference A Chase Makes

Chase Utley made his glorious return to the Phillies tonight, helping them win 9-2 over the Mets. He went 3-5 with 2 RBIs, including a solo homer to center in the 5th inning. He fell a triple short of the cycle and raised his NL leading average to .339. Yup, he's a stud.

J.D. Durbin looked good, going 6 1/3 innings and not allowing a base runner until the top of the 5th. Jason Werth also went 4-4 after going 5-5 last night, putting him one hit away from tying the NL record for hits in consecutive plate appearances. But don't mention it to him, because he's a baseball player and they're suspicious about shit like that.

Pat Burrell hit his 38th career home run against the Mets, undoubtedly aggravating countless Mets fans everywhere. This is remarkable for a man who only has 209 career homers. He even got one of his 5 career steals against Los Metropolianos. After he hit the home run tonight, which gave the Phillies a 3-0 lead, I walked past a Mets fan as I was leaving my seat and said "How 'bout that Pat Burrell!" and the look on his face could best be described as annoyed bewilderment. He wasn't surprised, but he definitely didn't understand it. Some players just own other teams. If I recall correctly, Vlad Guerrero's career average against the Phillies is .985. Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating a little, but you get the idea. Let's just say I'm very glad he's in the American League now.

Adam Eaton, who is 5-0 (vigorously knocks on wood) lifetime against the Mets, takes the hill tomorrow night against Tom Glavine. Should be a good game. Go Phils.

He's Baaaaacccckkkkkk (v2.0)

Chase Utley returns to the Phillies tonight, and it couldn't happen at a better time. Not only is it against the Mets, but I also have tickets. While Tadahito Iguchi has been good in Utley's stead, the bottom line is, he's no Chase Utley. No one is. The Phils absolutely have to win at least two of these games, and realistically, they need to win at least 3, which will be no easy task. Not only are the Mets good, but here are the four starters we will be trotting out against them: J.D. Durbin, Adam Eaton, Jamie Moyer and Kyle Lohse. Yikes. The last two wouldn't be too bad if they weren't the front end of our rotation. But at this point in the season, they are. Fuck. Hey Chase, you know how to throw a curve?

Clearly Chase Utley Was Holding the Phillies Back

Well, they're 4-0 without him. Iguchi is playing well, and Cole Hamels was as studly as ever tonight, going 8 innings, allowing one run and striking out 8. Obviously I want Utley back as soon as possible, but it appears that the Phillies will be fine without him if the pitching holds up. Yes, thats a very, very big if, but Myers is back (got the save tonight) and they just picked up Kyle Lohse, which I guess was a good trade provided A.) he doesn't suck, and B.) Matt Maloney isn't awesome in two years.

Bad news about Bourn and Victorino both getting hurt. I guess Greg Dobbs will start in right, which is fine if the opposing pitcher isn't a lefty, but this leaves the Phils without a lead off hitter. Iguchi? Your guess is as good as mine. I never I'd say this, but Jason Werth, I miss you.

I'm tired of these injuries, and it isn't just the Phillies. The only team of my lifetime that stayed healthy (and that had any talent) was the '93 Phillies, and they were fucking awesome. Every year it's always something with the Eagles and Phillies (and to a degree, the Sixers and Flyers, the latter being dead to me). Someone, or multiple key players, gets hurt. This year's Phils? Yup. Last year's Eagles? Oh yeah. Every other god damn team I root for? Seems that way. Whatever, I'm whining more than Bill Simmons does about Boston sports, and that's just unacceptable. Especially when the Phillies have won 9 of 10. That being said, if Ryan Howard's leg falls of, I quit.

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK.

Chase Utley is going to miss 6-8 weeks with a broken hand after being hit by a pitch in a game they didn't even win. Utley is optimistic that he will be back sooner than that, but it's a broken bone in his hand. He plays baseball. Hands are important. It will take longer than that for him to be back at 100%.

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK.

If the season wasn't over already, it is now. At least the Eagles play in 5 weeks.

FUCK.

EARTH TO CHASE UTLEY

Hi Chase. How are you? It's me, Lionel. It's been a while since we last spoke (about 23 years) and I really feel like we need to chat. You see Chase, today you did something I will never forget. Today, with runners on 1st and 2nd and no one out in the 1st inning, you bunted. You bunted, Chase. You. Chase Utley. Studly second baseman. Tremendous hitter. Riding a hot streak. Regularly hits third. You bunted. At that point, I knew the game was over.

Now, don't take this the wrong way Chase, but what the fuck were you thinking?!?!? "Maybe I'll surprise them and get on to load the bases?" Try swinging the fucking bat! You're a very good hitter! What happened? You ended up with a sacrifice bunt and essentially took the bat out of Ryan Howard's massive and powerful hands by opening first base. (He was, not surprisingly, intentionally walked.) You took the bat out of the hands of two of the best hitters in baseball (you and Ryan) and put it into the hands of Jason Werth. Jason Fucking Werth!

Now, why Werth was hitting 5th and not Rowand, or Burrell, I don't know. I never said Charlie Manuel knew what he was doing. But you Chase? I expect better from you. Don't worry, I forgive you, but don't ever do that again.

As for the rest of you Phillies, well, with the exception of the top 2 guys in the order, you all stunk. Werth did make one hell of a catch and Mike "Please don't feed" Zagurski pitched a solid inning of relief. He looks like the closer of the future. He also looks like he could fix the leak in my bathroom. But today was pitiful. Let's hope it's rock bottom and not a harbinger of things to come.

(You bunted? You fucking bunted?!? Jesus man, what were you thinking?!)