Kobe Bryant Rumors

Rumor has it Kobe Bryant just cleared out his locker today and a trade will be announced within hours. Where is he going? Who knows. I'm guessing Isiah Thomas traded 17 future 1st round picks for him. Stay tuned as more details become clear.

NOTE: While I'm not making this up, it may be unsubstantiated.

Remember When the NFL was the League With All the Legal Problems?

Those were a fun 4 days. A referee fixing games and outcomes? In the playoffs? Guhhhhh. David Stern is NOT pleased. Everyone who's anyone keeps saying they're "sad, but not shocked". You know what? I'm fucking shocked. This is the god damn NBA, not some minor league or semi-pro shit. This is a very, very serious offense. And while I don't think it's as bad as what Michael Vick has been accused of, it's pretty darn terrible, especially for the fans who may have been royally screwed.

The happiest man in America over all of this? Roger Goodell. Just when the NFL was taking all the negative publicity, the NBA goes and lets this happen. Of course, it could flip-flop right back when Ookie gets 6 years in prison for animal cruelty, among other offenses.

Also, Ryan Howard is now tied with teammate Chase Utley for the National League lead in RBIs. And he missed a month. What a stud. Imagine what his numbers would be like if he'd been healthy every game he played this year instead of waiting 3 weeks before going on the DL. Charlie Manuel, you're an idiot.

Pat Burrell: Pisser of Beds. Thrower of Lamps. Taker of Called Third Strikes. Deadbeat of Dads?

While having a drink or two after work with a coworker of mine earlier this week, I heard some very inflammatory information regarding current and former Phillies. Let me make this abundantly clear before I continue: the rest of this post is hearsay. I don't have proof. Only word of a coworkers mouth. And I'm inclined to believe her, because honestly, it's more fun that way.

According to my colleague, who apparently dated Jason Michaels, former Phil, for a brief period in 2003, Pat Burrell parties hard. So hard that he once crashed at Michaels' and Nick Punto's apartment and pissed Punto's bed. Upon awakening and realizing that people knew what happened and were laughing at him, Burrell chucked a lamp at the amused parties.

Side Notes: My coworker claims Jason Michaels is on the 'roids and that she saw a needle of his. She also claims Punto used to wear his ex girlfriend's pink thong around his apartment while drunk. Again, I don't have legit proof, but if a girl were to lie about hooking up with baseball players, would she really be lying about Nick Punto and Jason Michaels? I doubt it.

On to the main point of the story: this coworker of mine claims that Pat Burrell knocked up her sister and is the father of her three year old niece. She showed me video footage of said niece, and, while it was on a cell phone, I'll be damned if that kid didn't resemble Pat the Bat. Burrell is apparently fighting this and claiming the girl isn't his kid, but according to my coworker, her sister has a lawyer and this is far from over.

Now honestly, I couldn't care less about Pat's illegitimate children. The man makes 13 million dollars a year and if some gold digger snagged him because he was too stupid to wrap it up - and this situation in particular is not that of a gold digger, I'm just generalizing here - then pay her. (Apparently Pat has claimed to "have beaten 7 of these before".) I just want the man to hit well. And if this paternity case is fucking with his head, well, he best clear it up. Take a lesson from Trevis, Pat. To avoid trouble, use a rubber. Now go fucking protect Ryan in the line up, before I write some really bad, truthful stuff about you. You fucking overpaid fuck.