Now That's What I Call A Storybook Ending.

Wow. I mean, wow. I know I haven't written anything in almost two months. Forgive me, for I have been busy. Also, about midway through the Phillies' run to the series, I decided not to update the blog for fear of jinxing anything. To be quite honest, it gave me what felt like a worthwhile excuse to be lazy, but whatever. The Phillies won the fucking World Series.

I have also found over the last couple months that it is much harder to consistently update a blog when living on your own in NYC than it is to update one when living with your parents in Philly. There are way more distractions here. Not that I'm complaining. And, to be honest, this will probably be my last post. It's not that I'm opposed to half-assing things - if I thought I could consistently half ass this blog, believe me, I would. But over the last few months this I've been quarter-assing this at best, and that's not something I want to keep doing.

Anyway, onto the Phillies - holy shit. I mean, it STILL hasn't really hit me. I spent Friday in Philadelphia having the time of my life with 2 million equally joyous people and it still hasn't entirely sunk in. And that's okay. I've got all the time in the world for that to happen. My life is forever changed for the better, and I have the Phillies thank for it. The Phillies. The Mother. Fucking. Phillies. The, in the immortal words of Chase Utley, "world fucking champion" Phillies. Good god, I will never get tired of that phrase.

When the Phillies won the World Series, after one of the more bizarre stretches in the history of playoff baseball, I was in New York. I was unfortunately at work when it happened, but shortly thereafter I was in a bar co-owned by a Phillies fan, celebrating with him and a few other equally elated and shocked Philly fans, none of whom I had previously met. It didn't matter. We celebrated deep into the night, and when I awoke Thursday afternoon with a giant smile on my face, it was time to head to Philly. After a subdued Thrusday night spent taking in recorded footage of the local post game coverage, it was time for a day about which I have spent many years dreaming. The day of the Phillies' World Series parade. Oh my.

Friday did not disappoint, even though SEPTA tried its hardest to fail miserably. And, for the most part, they did. I went to catch a 10:30 train downtown - it passed by me and everyone else on the platform. It was already full. This was not an uncommon occurrence throughout the city. Fortunately I randomly ran into a buddy of mine at the station and he was able to give me and my buddy Zach a ride downtown and our march toward the parade had begun. The streets were filled with jubilant people of all ages. We passed one group of kids who couldn't have been more than 15 years old. "Shouldn't you children be in school?" I asked with a big grin on my face. A girl in a Philles jersey turned to me and said, "Fuck school! 600 kids from our high school are absent today!" Schools weren't closed Friday, but a holiday was certainly observed.

On our way to the parade Zach and I stopped in a liquor store on 17th and JFK. The clerk inside was talking to a coworker about how he already had run 125 debit cards. It was 11:45 am. To say that a lot of people were drinking publicly would be a large understatement.

We finally ended up on the corner of Broad and Pine for the parade. Visibility was far from perfect, but it didn't really matter. The parade was still a great time, and there was literally not a cloud in the sky. We spent the next couple hours just wandering the crowded streets, occasionally hitting nearby bars. By the time I finally hopped on a bus back to New York, I was thoroughly exhausted, but that was quite alright. It was one of the better days of my life.

To close this story out, I'll share one last anecdote from this past week. When I got off the train at 30th Street Station Thursday night, I was standing next to another guy in full Phillies gear. He looked at me and this exchange followed:

Him: It's about damn time.
Me: My sentiments exactly.
Him: You know, it's funny, when I woke up today, the sky was a different shade of blue.
Me: And it always will be man. It always will be.

World fucking champions. It's about damn time.

An Interview With Everyone's Favorite 24 year-Old Curmudgeon

Well, okay, maybe he isn't everyone's favorite. Hell, he might not be anyone's favorite. But he is a 24 year-old curmudgeon, which is worth something I guess. Anyway, Zwill has decided that he's too lazy to be writing blog posts - a view I both understand and respect - but he will answer questions should I provide them. Fair enough. Less work for me. So now, without further ado, the first ever edition of Zwill Speaks (sort of):

Q: Should Willie Randolph be fired? If so, who should replace him?

A: I've defended Willie up to this point, mainly because I don't see him as the problem. Old hitters, an atrocious farm system and a paper-thin roster that is far too reliant on Wright, Beltran and Reyes - those are the reasons why the Mets are a mediocre squad. Omar Minaya is the party most responsible for the ongoing shitshow in Queens, not Willie. In the three years prior to the Randolph era, the Mets won 75, 66 and 71 games, respectively. In Willie's three full seasons, the Mets have won 83, 97 and 88 games, respectively. He deserves some credit for that improvement. That said, it is becoming quite clear that Randolph is a major part of the problem with the team. He may not be the main problem but he is clearly not equipped to get the most out of the squad's underachievers. With last month's half-hearted vote of confidence from the ownerships, it's looking less and less likely that he will make it to the end of the season, nevermind 2009.

If the Mets had anyone - and I mean ANYONE - in their organization with managerial prospects, the move would have been made in May. They don't. My guess is that Minaya starts by shaking up the coaching staff in the next few weeks - perhaps Jerry Manuel, Willie's right-hand man - and then fires Randolph after the squad makes a too-little, too-late push for the division and finishes five or six games back.

Q: Why is Luis Castillo hitting 2nd?

A: Luis Castillo is the #2 hitter because he has one of the best OBPs on the squad. This is actually one of Randolph's more defensible moves. Strategically, he is passable: His bullpen management leaves something to desire and his odd fascination with certain scrubs can be irritating. On the whole, however, he doesn't harm the team games with his in-game management. He harms the team by walking around with a giant black cloud over his head, right next to the axe.

Q: 4 games to the Padres? Really?

A: Yes, four losses to the Pads. Four horrible losses to one of the worst teams in the league, a team with only two hitters who can even be considered above replacement level at the moment (Giles and Gonzalez) and several hitters with sub-300 OBPs (Greene, Bard, Hairston, Huber). They are very lucky that the universe conspired to distract anyone from watching the series: Three games at 10PM EST, the NBA Finals, the Belmont Stakes, the French Open, the opening games of the Euro Championships, several dramatic Yankee wins. Seriously, why would anyone watch the Mets this month?

Q: What's going to happen to Jeremy Shockey?

A: No clue. If there was one cloud to go along with the Giant silver lining that was Super Bowl 42 (shitty pun, eh?), it was the marginalization of Jeremy Shockey. Don't forget what Shockey has meant to Giant fans since he came into the league. He's been on the team for six years. That's a long time in football. Giant fans grew attached to him. Yeah, he's an asshole. He grunts and shouts and throws off his helmet and takes 15-yard taunting penalties and calls opposing coaches "faggot" and fires up the opposition for every single game. I get it, he's a douchebag. But he's OUR douchebag. Giant fans (most football fans, I think) love that type of guy - the guy who runs headfirst into a gang tackle and pops right back up and sprints back to the huddle. He is basically the ultimate white football player for the Aughts. He behaves in a manner nearly-always associated with angry black men who are treated like louts for their actions. But Jeremy Shockey has a tattoo of an eagle blending into an American flag on his bicep. He's one of us.

So watching the Giants come together without him (and perhaps in spite of him?) last season was kind of awkward for longtime supporters. (We did have the soothing Super Bowl victory to help ease our pain.) And listening to Giants fans turn their back on him after Kevin Boss made a few catches in the playoffs was downright traitorous in my opinion. Shockey has unsurprisingly handled this entire situation poorly. Rather than take strides to show his support for his teammates, he has gone the other way: Avoiding the stadium entirely during the Super Bowl, skipping team celebrations after the win, making negative statements in the press for the last few months, skipping team minicamps. The man clearly needs a better press agent. I don't see the team trading him at this point, nor do I expect an outright release. A holdout wouldn't surprise me but the most likely scenario is that Shockey returns to the squad and mopes around the field for another season before departing after the 2008 season.

Q: How many regular season games are the Giants going to win?

A: I don't know and I don't care. We won the Super Bowl!!!

There you have it folks, the first ever Zwill Speaks (sort of). It wont be the last, because I'm pretty lazy. If any of you loyal readers (HA!) have any questions you'd like to have answered (double HA!) by a surly yet somewhat placated (due to the Super Bowl) New York sports fan, please feel free to email them to me.

And yes, I'm aware the Phillies have been kicking some serious ass. It's awesome. Keep it up fellas.

Cole Hamels Continues To Be Sextacular

What is "sextacular" exactly? I'm not sure, but Cole Hamels fully embodies it. After pitching his second complete game shutout in 3 weeks, the Phillies were back to 10 games over .500 and tied for the 5th best record in the majors. Hamels is only 6-4, but he's had really crappy run support. He's sporting a 3.36 ERA with a sparkling 1.07 WHIP and 73 Ks in 91 innings.

Anyway, the Phils have won 10 of their last 12 and are playing well, but they'll need to keep it up because they have a very tough 15 game stretch coming up, including 9 straight on the road against Atlanta (starting tonight), Florida, and St. Louis, though they do have a day off between Atlanta and Florida. After that it's back home to play the AL's two best teams, Boston and The Los Angeles Angels of Whatever The Hell That Team's Name Is. This stretch should show us what kind of team the Phillies really are. Hopefully it's the good kind.

Jay Williams: Hell Of A Nice Guy, Lousy Tipper

And yes, I do mean the Duke educated, motorcycle-riding Jay Williams. I work in a restaurant in the West Village. It's a high end Mexican place that just opened a few weeks ago. Yesterday evening a guy walks in with a couple of friends and asks for a table. We don't have a hostess on Sundays, so I sat him, although it wasn't in my section. Beyond that I didn't think much of it, until I actually took a good look at the guy. Unfortunately none of my coworkers are really sports fans, at least not on the scale that they would recognize a guy who played one year in the NBA before an accident permanently derailed his career.

Anyway, I eventually just went up to him and said "Hey, this might seem out of the blue, but if the answer is 'Yes' you're probably pretty used to it: Are you Jay Williams?" He laughed and said that he indeed was, then asked me my name and shook my hand. I asked him if he was ever going to play again and he said that he wasn't, but he was going to start as an analyst for ESPN the next day (i.e. today). If everything goes well it'll turn into a permanent gig. I wished him luck and let him enjoy the rest of his meal. On the rare occasions I do encounter a celebrity, I understand the concept of essentially treating them like anyone else, which is what I imagine most of them want. (To be fair, if I ever met Chase Utley or Cole Hamels, I'd probably gush and giggle like a schoolgirl.)

I told the girl that was waiting on him that if he paid, I wanted to see what kind of a tip he left. His bill was $71, and he left a $10 tip, which is a little less than 15%, which is pretty crappy. I'm certainly not accusing him of being cheap - if he were truly cheap he probably would have left even less - I just don't think he knows any better. Granted, there's no real excuse for not knowing any better, but whatever. I'm not gonna hold it against him. But I will call him a lousy tipper.

And, speaking of Chase Utley, he hit his league leading 20th home run last night, as those 1st place Phillies came back to take 2 out of 3 from the Marlins. This team is playing well, have scored more runs than any team other than the Cubs, and are now a season-best 8 games over .500.

Also, Mike Lieberthal signed a one day contract with the Phillies and officially retired a Phillie, which is nice. He played 13 season for the Phillies and made a couple of all-star teams, and he was a stand up guy through and through. Good to have you back Mike, even if it was only for a day.

Take That Colorado!

WE won three games this time! Not you! Suck it!

No, this doesn't make me feel any better in the long run. But the Phillies are 31-24. Which is cool. They have been scoring a lot of runs lately (48 runs in 4 games? Hell yeah).

Chase Utley hit his major league leading 17th dinger, Adam Eaton finally won a game, and all is groovy. For now. The Marlins are in town starting Friday. We need to take at least 2 of 3. Fingers crossed baby. I sure do love baseball season.

Go Phils.

I Can't Believe I'm Rooting For The Celtics AND The Lakers

But alas, I am. I can't deal with a Spurs - Pistons finals. That would be almost as bad as 2003 when we were about 6 outs from a Cubs - Red Sox World Series and we ended up with Marlins - Yankees. Jesus that was awful. Anyway, my apologies for not posting anything in almost a week. I never thought I'd wax nostalgic for Comcast, but man, Time Warner blows some serious cock. We haven't even been in this apartment a month and already the modem is fucking around.

But whatever, I'll live. Cole Hamels is still muy sexy, so it's cool that that was the headline here for a week. And Ryan Howard is starting to come around, which is nice. Let's hope this is the start of a four month stretch of awesomeness.

At Least The Phillies Won This Time

Which is nice. Although Brad Lidge's ERA is now above 0.00. But, to be fair, Werth did misplay a ball in center with two outs that allowed said run to score. And, to continue being fair, we can forgive him because he drove in 80% of the Phillies' 5 runs. Still, someone needs to explain to me why Victorino isn't back in center. He catches everything.

One more thing about this game - Chipper Jones went 3 for 4 to raise his average to .415. Which is impressive, even for him. I've never liked Chipper, but the man can rake. It's a little scary to think about how good his already impressive career numbers would be if he hadn't missed so many games over the last four years.

Anyway, onto the Flyers, who find themselves down 3 games to none after losing 4-1 Tuesday night. What did you think would happen to a team playing without its top two defensemen? And against a team like the Penguins? That's just too much to overcome. It happens. Hockey is a rough sport. They played hard.

Cheer up Flyers fans. This team is going to keep getting better.

Phils Lose, Flyers Lose, Everbody Loses

Well, except the Penguins and the Giants. They didn't lose. At least Jimmy Rollins is back. If nothing else, he should help Howard. The man is hitting .171 for fuck's sake. And slugging a just as miserable .357. I don't know what his problem is, but it has to improve if this team is going to get back to the playoffs.

And as for the Flyers, well, everything this season has been a free roll anyway. This team finished last in the NHL last year, and now they're in the Eastern Conference finals, which was something I used to take for granted. Of course it was also assumed that they would lose in heartbreaking fashion, because Bobby Clarke is a shithead. At least this team will (hopefully) keep getting better.

And, to be fair, this series isn't over. But they've got a long road ahead of them. Good luck fellas.

Phils Win, Utley Continues To Struggle

1-3? Only one RBI? I don't care if it was the game winner in the top of the 8th Chase, you're down to .350. That's unacceptable. No less than .440. We had a deal.

Anyway, the Phils came back multiple times to beat the Diamondbacks 5-4. Kendrick pitched decently, Feliz hit a homer to raise his average to a robust .228 (hey, he does have 5 homers, and they seem to come at opportune times), Lidge was lights out for the save, and the Phils improved to 20-15, which ties them for first with... Florida? Florida? I don't get it either. Whatever. I'll take it.

Also, that Celtics-Cavs game was the worst game of basketball I've seen since the Masterman Girls JV basketball team lost to the Hallahan Girls JV basketball team 14-13 in 32 minutes in 1999. Lebron was missing shots that Eric Snow would have made. Okay, maybe not Eric. But you get the idea. Terrible. Just fucking terrible. I guess the series has nowhere to go but up.

Anything but Spurs-Pistons. That's all I ask.

These Recent Events Confuse Me

Not so much the Phillies. They're a much better team than the Giants and should have had less trouble taking 2 out of 3 than they did. They need 3 errors to get the job done today. That being said, a win is a win. And the Sixers don't surprise me either. Well, come to think of it, the fact that they won 2 games was a bit of a surprise.

But they Flyers? Didn't this team have the fewest points in the NHL last year? I understand that that wasn't this team, but still. Ousting the number 1 seed in 5 games is pretty damn impressive. Still, I've seen this before from the Flyers. We all have. I'll believe it when they're holding a giant silver thing over their heads and taking turns kissing it. It's not that they don't matter to me, it's just... well, I'm not getting into it right now. I've been working on a Flyers Manifesto in my head for months now. I'll be done it soon. I'm pretty sure I know how it ends, but I hope I'm wrong.

Annnnnd.... I'm Back

I know you missed me. Thanks for perservering. What? What do you mean you didn't even notice I was gone? Well to hell with you then.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. You know I love you.

Anyway, a lot has happened since I left Philadelphia. The Pistons started playing like the Pistons, the Sixers started playing like the Sixers, the Phillies have managed to stay above .500 the entire time, and the Flyers... look, I'm not going there. I don't care if they're one win from the Conference Finals. We've seen this before. Many times. I certainly want them to win, but I'm not getting sucked in. Not now. I would be a fool to let myself succumb to that foul temptress' charms right now.

The Sixers are sucking me in though. Not because I think they'll beat the Pistons, but because this team has a legitimately bright future, and I love me some basketball. They're still a couple years and a couple players away, but the foundation (which includes Andre Miller) is there.

And the Phillies, well, they're doin' okay. They surprised me by not dropping 2 of 3 to the Pirates. That would have been a classic Phillies move. Also, one other reason I'm not terribly worried is that apparently Billy Wagner has called out Oliver Perez for some of the Mets' struggles of late (even though they're above .500). That man never learns. He's a hell of a pitcher when he's on, but Jesus, he sure is a dick. I don't miss him one bit, and I don't think anyone else in Philly does either.

Sixers Win, Phillies Win, Everybody Wins!

Except of course for the Pistons and Pirates. And that damn parrot is a rip off of the Phanatic. Just look at him! He's fuzzy, green, pear-shaped and pantless. Just like the Phanatic. I would call shenanigans, but then I realized I really don't care. Anyway, I have no fucking idea what's going on with the Sixers, but I like it.

This will be my last post for a couple days because I'm moving, so for the six of you that read this, try to make do without me. I wont be gone long.

Phils Win 3-1, Utley Disappoints

3 for 4 with THREE singles? Geez Chase, there goes you streak of games with an extra base hit. Only one run scored? Slacker. You're only hitting .385! I expect no less than .440 this year! Get on it.

Pat the Bat also continued his hot streak, driving in two runs in the 8th with a double. Gordon pitched out of jam in the 8th for the win. Moyer pitched pretty well, but he got some help from Brewer baserunning mistakes (two pickoffs, and Corey Hart was thrown out at third trying to stretch a double into a triple with no one out). Lidge got the save in the 9th. We'll certainly take it.

Good work fellas. Keep it up.

FUCK and YES

What an awesome night. The Phillies came back (in spectacular fashion) to beat the Rockies, exorcise some demons from last season, and go above .500 for the first time this season. (Woo hoo!) And the Flyers - the Flyers! - won a game 7! In overtime! On the road! The Flyers SO don't do that!

So yeah, Lupul put a rebound in about 5 minutes into the first overtime, and the Flyers will be heading off to face the Canadiens, a team about which I know nothing. So that's cool. They had an opportunity for a heartbreaking defeat after squandering a 3 games to 1 lead in the series, but somehow, they won. I guess it's progress.

And then there's the Phillies. Oh, the Phillies. Mr. Wonderful himself staked them to a 2-0 lead early in the game, but the teams kept trading leads, with the Rockies going up 6-4 in the 7th. The Phillies got one back in the 8th, and then, in the 9th inning, total awesomeness occurred. Taguchi led off the inning with a hit. Werth made an out. Then Mr. W hit a single, and ended up on second after the throw to 3rd to try to get Taguchi was too high for the cutoff man. So, we have runners on 2nd and 3rd for Ryan Howard, hitting a robust .190. Still, he was intentionally walked to set up a double play for Burrell. Thing is, Burrell didn't hear the word "play" and crused a double into left center, scoring all three runners.

But, it looked like Taveras would have a chance at it, so Utley had to hold up. When Taveras dove and missed, Taguchi walked home, and then Utley and Howard came barreling around 3rd, with Howard about 4 steps behind Utley. Ultey slid home ahead of the throw, (making it 7-6 Phillies), and about 1.5 seconds later, Ryan Howard slid in head first and just beat the tag. It was like that moment from Major League, except both guys were safe this time. It was totally awesome.

In fact, from a Philly fan's perspective, the night really couldn't have been better.

Man, never thought I'd type that.

Chase Utley Es Muy Sexy

Muy, muy sexy. Just look at him. That is one sexy hunk of man right there, and no, I'm not afraid to admit it. The Phillies won 9-5 to pull even at .500. AGAIN. And this time the offense actually looked, well, good. The Phillies were down 3-0 early, but Pat the Bat hit a 2 run homer to bring them within 1. Down 3 again with the score 5-2, Jason Werth crushed a ball into center. Taveras couldn't get to it, it bounced off a concrete border at the bottom of the fence, and Werth ended up racing all the way home to make it 5-3. At this point the score on the top of the screen said 5-4, and a graphic read "Home run, Utley". I said to my dad, "Man, that guy really IS hot."

Then Utley, who was up next, belted a homer over the right field wall. Unbelievable. It was his 5th straight game with a homer, and his league leading 9th overall. The Phils added two more in the 7th to take the lead, and 3 more in the 9th to seal the deal. Howard had a couple of hits, which is nice. They need him to heat up, and soon. Victorino should be back soon too, which will help.

The Phils also committed 3 errors, which, well, I just don't fucking understand. It needs to stop though. Anyway, Phils showed some grit by coming back to win this one, which hopefully will carry over into the rest of the season.

Oh, and the Flyers lost. They aren't winning game 7. They never win game 7s. That's why they're dead to me. Prove me wrong fellas. Go ahead. I won't mind.

What A Beautiful Day For A Ballgame

Oh MAN, it is nice out. I couldn't think of a better way to spend my Friday evening than watching Cole Hamels square off against Johan Santana on a gorgeous Spring night in even more gorgeous South Philly. The Phillies are looking to get over the .500 hump for the first time this season, and who better to get them there than Cole Hamels? No one, that's who. Should be a hell of a game. If you're lucky enough to have tickets, I'll see you there.

Mmmm, baseball.

WOO! WHAT A FUCKING GAME!!!!!

JENKINS WAS TOTALLY OUT! BUT I DON'T CARE! FOUR RUNS IN THE BOTTOM OF THE NINTH! WOO HOO!

Baseball. Fuck Yeah.

Oh, and the Flyers won 6-3. Which is cool, I guess.

And both of these happened within like 4 minutes of each other. Definitely the most impressive 4 minutes since Fat Tony flooded Springfield with alcohol after prohibition ended. I couldn't have asked for a better end to my sports evening. Thanks Jebus.

What The Hell Is Going On?

Can someone explain what's going on in Major League Baseball to me? I'm confused. The Tigers are 2-10? The Marlins are 7-5? The ROYALS are 7-5? Oh come on. That can't be right. And yet, it is. Here are your division leaders, as of April 14th, 2008:

NL East: Florida
NL Central: St. Louis.
NL West: Arizona

AL East: Baltimore
AL Central: Chicago
AL West: Oakland

Only one of these makes sense (Arizona). The AL Central in particular looks like someone flipped it completely upside down. (From first to last, Chicago, Kansas City, Minnesota, Cleveland and Detroit.) Now I know it's early. The Tigers aren't going to lose 130 games. The Orioles aren't going to win 75. (Sorry O's fans. Enjoy it now.) And the Marlins won't win the division. (If they do, I'm quitting baseball.) But still. This is ridiculous.

But hey, the Phillies are doing way better than last year, so I guess it's all good. Would be nice if they would actually go over .500 instead of matching it every other game. All it takes is two in a row fellas. With Jimmy back Tuesday night, they should be able to do do that.

(Vigorously knocks on wood.)

Ah baseball. Gotta love that crazy fucking game.

Cole Hamels Is Very Sexy

22 innings pitched and two earned runs eh? That pretty good. He's 2-1 with a 0.82 era, which is, um, good. He's pitching like an ace, which the Phillies need him to do. Let's hope that Myers uses yesterday (8 inning, 3 earned runs) as a platform for better things. The Phillies need him - and all of their pitchers, really - to pitch quite well if they are going to return to the playoffs. Hamels is certainly doing his part.

The Phils are back to .500 - again - and while it's better than they've started in quite a while, it would be nice for them to clear that hurdle and stay above it for good early on. No one in the division is playing well (with the exception of the Marlins) and the Phillies need to take advantage of that. The Mets and Braves wont suck all year.

And, while I'm here, I might as well commend the Flyers for maintaining the status quo and crapping away a muilti-goal, third period lead Friday night. Well done fellas. Never a doubt.

I blame Bobby Clarke.

Jose Reyes Was Totally Out

I call shenanigans. Coste blocked the plate. He was out. Oh well. It's not like they're supposed to win when Adam Eaton pitches. They still won one, and Jimmy didn't play the last two. They'd have to lose 5 more in a row to have an April as crappy as last year. (This is, unfortunately, not impossible.)

Video of the play at home here.