A Catcher Stole Home?

Yes, Carlos Ruiz stole home in the Phillies 11-4 victory over the Reds Tuesday night. The last time any catcher stole home? Sometime in 1980. At least I think that's what the graphic said. Hey, I'm not fucking Elias, okay? Deal with it. As for some clarification on Ruiz's steal, it was a delayed double steal. He took off right after the catcher attempted, in vain, to throw out Michael Bourn at 2nd. It was awesome.

The Phillies patchwork rotation continues to hold up, as they got 6 good innings from Kyle Kendrick, who improves to 2-0 after out-dueling highly touted Reds rookie Homer Bailey, who didn't make it out of the 2nd inning. Ryan Howard hit his 17th home run and struck out 4 times, which he has been doing all too often this year. I'm a tad concerned, but as far as the Phillies go, Howard making contact is a minor issue. There's still that thing called the bullpen that isn't doing too well.

Also, Chase Utley went 3-4 with his 13th homer, improving his average to .325. What a stud. Meanwhile, the Phils are only 2.5 games out of first place, not that we haven't seen that before. I'll be satisfied when the playoffs start and the Phillies are involved. Still, if they can get through this rash of injuries to the rotation, they should be in good shape.

Henry? Hot Damn!

Thierry Henry, arguably the premier striker in the game today, has agreed to a transfer from Arsenal to FC Barcelona, my favorite European club. This make me quite excited because he is fucking good. He will bolster an attack that seemed to be lacking a spark at times this year, and he will do it well. The man has a nose for the goal (no, that wasn't a swipe at the French) and will fit in quite well with his new team. Samuel Eto'o's future remains to be seen, but if he remains with the club, they will have a pair of attackers unmatched anywhere. Thrown in Ronaldinho and budding superstar Lionel Messi, and man, this is a team to be reckoned with. I smell a triple, (win Champions League, win the Spanish Cup and finish atop the Spanish table) and man, it smells good.

Blatant Homerism (Many a Pun Intended)

For those of you out there who might have been worried about Ryan Howard earlier this year, well, you can officially stop worrying. I guess he really was injured before that DL stint because his numbers since have been, well, Howardesque. Pre DL Stint: 98 ABs .204 AVG, 6 HRs, 23 RBIs, .809 OPS, 29 BBs - i.e. not the numbers of the reigning NL MVP. Since he took 12 games off in May, his numbers look like this: 88 ABs, .284 AVG, 10 HRs, 25 RBIs and his OPS has risen .128 to .937. Now that's the Ryan Howard I know and love. 13 of his last 27 hits have been dingers. That's impressive, even for him.

Speaking of figures that blow your mind, while accessing Ryan's seasonal stats, I stumbled across the annual salaries of everyone on the Phillies roster. Pat Burrell makes the most - a whopping $13.5 million - but I already knew that. And while I already knew some of these as well, it was the yearly salaries of our oh-so-wonderful pitching staff that really caught my attention. Here they are, in order, along with my reaction to them in parentheses:

1. Freddy Garcia, $10 million (shoot me)
2. John Lieber, $7.83 million (eh, that one's had 3 years to sink in)
3. Adam Eaton $7.21 million (shoot Pat Gillick)
4. Tom Gordon $7 million (gee, thats only $1.4 million per save this year! What a deal!)
5. Jamie Moyer, $6.5 million (I'm relatively okay with that)
6. Brett Myers $5.08 million (Jesusfuckingchrist hurry back)
7. Jose Mesa - no, read that again - JOSE MESA, $2.5 million (why the fuck haven't you shot me yet?!)
8. Ryan Madson, $1.1 million (just pass me the fucking gun, I'll do it myself)
11. Cole Hamels, $400 thousand (someone give this man a raise)

Note: Geary and Alfonseca are 9 and 10, respectively, but neither of them makes more than 900K and therefore got no real reaction from me.

Also, Burrell makes 14.7 times more than Howard this season. I'm just hoping Ryan doesn't use that as leverage when it comes time to renegotiate his contract.

I Need To Find Some New Fucking Friends

This is ridiculous. Pacman don't need this shit man. I don't fucking need it. Why every time I go to see some ass and titties somebody in my crew gotta shoot somebody else? I wasn't even makin' it rain this time. Damn. So much for good behavior. I already had that Goodell muthafucka halfway up my ass on all this Vegas shit. Now I'm definitely missing the whole season. Damn. That's $1.3 million gone! And I wasn't even there!

I mean, yeah, we was all in the strip club together when some punk ass bitches started some shit, but it never got too serious. I bounced. My boys bounced. And then one of my boys felt the need to pull a drive by. I'll bet it was fuckin' Blinky. I don't know why keep him around anymore. Actually, I do know why, but if I told you, I'm sure the commish would be up my ass on that shit too. Let's just say he made sure I don't have any child support payments, yaheard? Fuck. I probably shouldn't have said that. You can't prove shit. Anyway, I'm just glad ain't nobody get killed last night. Cause Pacman really doesn't need that shit. Damn. Where the fuck is my weed?

Didn't The White Sox Win The World Series 19 Months Ago?

I'm a little ashamed to say I caught what was only my first Phillies game of the season this afternoon against the White Sox, but at least I picked a good game to attend. The Phils won 8-4 on the strength of Aaron Rowand's 5 RBIs in 4 innings and a decent start from someone not named Freddy Garcia. But that isn't the main story here.

Weren't the White Sox supposed to be good? They did win a World Series less than 2 years ago and the only 2 players they've lost since then are one the Phillies. And boy are they having different seasons. One is Garcia, fuckhead that he is, and one is Rowand, who truly deserves to start for the National League in center field this July. But we gave up Thome for Rowand, so that's at the very least equal production. And getting rid of Garcia was addition by subtraction, much like it already has been for us.

So, what's wrong with the White Sox? Take a look at the box score from today's (Wednesday's) game. How many Chicago players' names do you recognize? Three? Maybe four? Maybe even six if you're a White Sox fan. But man, this team is hurtin'. And I mean that literally. Injuries are killing them. It's kinda sad because I liked the way they played baseball. Oh well. I'll get over it.

A couple other notes - Justin Verlander and his no-no were very impressive Tuesday night. He hit 102 on the radar gun in the 9th inning. Think about that for a minute. Think about how many players hit 102 EVER. Not many. He did after throwing 100+ pitches. That is impressive. Think the Phillies are going to sweep the Tigers? Um, no.

Speaking of sweeps, the Cavs are done.

Someone needs to tell Bill Simmons that no one gives a fuck what the Celtics do with the 5th pick. Seriously Bill, shut up. I think what you write about the NBA is your best stuff by far - because you don't really know shit about any other sports, not counting some slightly above average NFL knowledge - as long as it isn't about the Celtics. Very few people in Boston care. NO ONE outside of Boston does. You aren't getting Durant or Oden. Nothing could be more fair. Deal with it.

I Had No Idea "The Sopranos" Was About Sports!

Worldwide Leader, you're on notice. Enough is e-fucking-nuff. A few years ago you started televising poker, which is certainly entertaining, if not a sport. Then you started covering the spelling bee, which falls into the same category. And you continue to push the WNBA on us despite the fact that no one other than a few lesbians would EVER consider fucking care about it. But I digress.

When I got to work today ESPN was on the TVs, as it always is. What was everyone from Skip Bayless (insufferable prick that he is) to Michael Wilbon (ditto, though not as bad) discussing? The finale of "The Sopranos"! Look I don't care if everyone watched it, you are ESPN. You are supposed to be dedicated to sports, or at least things that aren't TV shows on another network. Despicable. Almost as bad as when CNN devoted 842 straight hours to Anna Nicole, bless her chest.


And another thing - the ending was good! Granted, it took me a little while to mull it over, but I didn't go on TV on a network dedicated to sports and rip on the episode all day. Wilbon said it "lacked courage". I think he "lacks hair" as well as "original opinions on anything". Mike Golic said it "sucked". I think he's "fat" and "unintelligent".

Look, the bottom line is, ESPN should stick to sports. Yes, they did at times discuss the NBA finals. But it got the same amount of coverage as "The Sopranos", which is wrong, regardless of how bad the Cavs are. Leave the discussion of non-sports television to every loudmouth barely literate asshole with too much free time and a blog. Believe me, we can handle it.

Six Runs in One Inning?

Really Freddy? Six? Against the Royals? Jesus you suck. 1-5 with an ERA just under 6? Weren't you supposed to be good? Eaton I understand, but you? You once won 18 games. You're on pace to lose 20 this year. Please don't do that. Please be the 2001 Freddy and not the 2003 Freddy. You won 17 games just last year. Do try to do that again, would you?

Anyway, more to come soon. After watching the game Thrusday night, I'm leaning towards Spurs in 5. Sorry Lebron. Maybe when you're older.

You See, THIS is Why No One Watches the NHL Anymore.

Quick, if you can, name the last three Stanley Cup winners: Anaheim, Carolina and Tampa Bay. Guhhhhhhh. No wonder no one watched these games. Ice doesn't even form naturally in those cities. The NHL needs to contract to 16 teams, none of which will be located below the Mason-Dixon line. Pay the players in Canada U.S. dollars and be done with it. This is ridiculous. Hockey is too cool of a sport to be getting ratings similar to indoor lacrosse. I've given up on the Flyers, but not the NHL.

Also, Tim Duncan wants you to know he still exists. As awesome as Lebron was in that Pistons series, the Spurs are a much better team than the Pistons. They are also much better than the Cavs. And Tim Duncan is, as far as I'm concerned, more dominant than Lebron. The Cavs frontcourt will have no answer whatsoever for Duncan. Spurs in 6. Or less. Go ahead Lebron, prove me wrong. I really hope you do.

The Phils look like they could sweep the mets with Zeus taking the hill tomorrow night. I'm looking forward to it. Why Zeus? Because he throws fucking lightening bolts, thats why. What a stud.

EARTH TO CHASE UTLEY

Hi Chase. How are you? It's me, Lionel. It's been a while since we last spoke (about 23 years) and I really feel like we need to chat. You see Chase, today you did something I will never forget. Today, with runners on 1st and 2nd and no one out in the 1st inning, you bunted. You bunted, Chase. You. Chase Utley. Studly second baseman. Tremendous hitter. Riding a hot streak. Regularly hits third. You bunted. At that point, I knew the game was over.

Now, don't take this the wrong way Chase, but what the fuck were you thinking?!?!? "Maybe I'll surprise them and get on to load the bases?" Try swinging the fucking bat! You're a very good hitter! What happened? You ended up with a sacrifice bunt and essentially took the bat out of Ryan Howard's massive and powerful hands by opening first base. (He was, not surprisingly, intentionally walked.) You took the bat out of the hands of two of the best hitters in baseball (you and Ryan) and put it into the hands of Jason Werth. Jason Fucking Werth!

Now, why Werth was hitting 5th and not Rowand, or Burrell, I don't know. I never said Charlie Manuel knew what he was doing. But you Chase? I expect better from you. Don't worry, I forgive you, but don't ever do that again.

As for the rest of you Phillies, well, with the exception of the top 2 guys in the order, you all stunk. Werth did make one hell of a catch and Mike "Please don't feed" Zagurski pitched a solid inning of relief. He looks like the closer of the future. He also looks like he could fix the leak in my bathroom. But today was pitiful. Let's hope it's rock bottom and not a harbinger of things to come.

(You bunted? You fucking bunted?!? Jesus man, what were you thinking?!)

Hamels, LeBron, or a Hurricane Named Ditka?

I don't know who would win between those three, but it would be awesome. Lebron has taken the Cavs to the NBA finals for the first time ever. Cole is now 8-2 and sexy as ever. And a hurricane named Ditka would make Katrina look like a wuss.

It's 4:30 in the morning. I'm going to sleep so I can dream of a certain lanky lefty.

I Suppose I Should Be Impressed

We've all known for a while now that Lebron - I don't care how fucking good he is, I'm not acknowledging a second capital letter in his first name - James is good at basketball. How good, however, remained to be seen. Until tonight. The last non-Lebron Cleveland field goal came with 7:48 left to play in the 4th quarter. The game went into double overtime. Cleveland won. After Zydrunas Ilgauskas made the score 79-76 in favor of Cleveland, Lebron scored 29 of the next 30 points for the Cavs, including their final 25.

With 2:48 to go in the 4th, Drew Gooden went 1 for 2 from the line. That was the last time a Cav scored a point. And they won. HO. LY. SHIT. 25 in a row?! Who does that? Lebron James, apparently.

And it isn't like he was hitting easy shots either. They weren't leaving him open. Remember, Detroit is a good defensive team, as evidenced by the fact that no other Cav made a bucket during the last 17+ minutes of the game. But he just kept making them. And making them. And making them. He finished with 48 points, not to mention 9 rebounds and 7 assists, which were clearly just for shits and giggles. This kid (he's twenty-fucking two!) is pretty good. Of course none of this means shit if Cleveland doesn't win one of their next two basketball games.

Good luck, your Majesty, although I doubt you'll need it.

Kobe, Come Home

Look, I don't like Kobe Bryant. I never have. Ever since he tried to rep Philly at the All Star game and everyone booed him, I've always thought he was a bit of a punk. Aw, you're upset because we booed? Hey asshole, your team beat us in the finals 8 months beforehand! Did you expect a hero's welcome?

Also, Kobe isn't really from Philly. He spent his formative years in Italy and went to high school in a Philly suburb. Yes, if he had to rep an American city, Philly would be the logical choice. But he is no Philadelphian.

That being said, I want him on the Sixers. Now. He's unhappy in L.A.? Fine. Bring him back "home". Give up Rodney Carney and the 21st and 30th pick int he draft for him if L.A. really wants to unload him. Is that equal value for one of the most dynamic scorers of all time in his prime? Good grief no, but the NBA gods owe us one after giving away Iverson for half a sandwich and three expired coupons.

Could he play with Iguodala? Absolutely. Iggy is a smaller, more athletic and talented version of Lamar Odom, with whom Kobe meshed well enough. And Andre Miller would suit him perfectly. Bring him. Do it now.

The only problem is that Billy King, fuckhead that he is, might trade the entire team for him, leaving the Sixers with a one man roster come opening night. Also, Kobe has a no-trade clause and could easily end up on a better team than the Sixers (Dallas, Phoenix, Chicago, etc.). But hey, Kobe always said he liked a challenge...

Excuse Me Whilst I Dust Off My Broom

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.


Oh, that was fun.

.500... + 1

After a win this afternoon against the Braves, the Phillies are over .500. Finally. They had lost their previous 4 chances to have a winning record before finally winning one today to go 25-24. Mike "Chubs" Zagurski, who made his major league debut last night, pitched well for the second game in a row. Shane, "The Flyin' Hawaiian" Victorino was a double shy of the cycle. Even Adam "Damn, I Fucked Up" Eaton didn't fuck up.

Yup, everything's comin' up Milhouse! I mean Phillies. Until they lose seven in a row starting tomorrow. Huzzah. Happy Memorial Day everyone. Enjoy it responsibly. Or don't. Whatever.

Revenge is a Dish Best Served Two Years Old

AC Milan beat Liverpool in the Champion's League final today, avenging a brutal loss 2 years ago when they blew 3-0 halftime lead, which in soccer is like blowing a 7 run lead in the bottom of the 9th. The ageless (he's actually 33) Filippo Inzaghi scored both goals for Milan, who won 2-1. Liverpool outplayed Milan for the majority of the match, but Inzaghi scored his first goal with two minutes go to in the first half, enough to demoralize any squad.

Quick side note on the first goal, which Inzaghi scored by deflecting a free kick after breaking free of the Liverpool wall: why was no one on him? You don't let an opposing player just slip through your wall! Grab his shirt! Elbow him! Step on his foot! For the love of all things Maradona, do something. But they didn't. And he made them pay.

Kaka, who played absolutely brilliantly in the semis against Man United, was relatively silent for the majority of the game, but he did set Inzaghi up beautifully in the 82nd minute to seal the game. (Liverpool scored in the 86th minute to keep things interesting, but it was to no avail.) All in all the game was exciting through the finish, but I'm sure many people will be wondering why Peter Crouch, Liverpool's top goal scorer, didn't enter the game until very late in the second half. Head coach Rafa Benitez will have some 'splainin' to do.

I just wanted to see a good game, and I did. If you didn't see it, I recommend trying to catch a replay. Also, on an unrelated note, Rod Barajas is officially on my shit list. I don't care if the Phillies still won. Missing that tag was inexcusable.

They Call Him "Chipper"...

Chipper Jones, excuse me - Laaaaaarrrrryyyyyyyyy - was recently overheard whining about having to play the Red Sox every year in interleague play while other teams in the NL face easier, non AL East competition. Well Larry, I gotta say, you have a legit complaint. But it needs some fine tuning. Interleague play is only unfair when the American League team is the home team. Why? Because then the NL team is forced to start a player who would otherwise not be a starter as the designated hitter.

Yes, designated hitter, the two dirtiest words in baseball, with the obvious exception of "Canseco's needle". (We all know where that thing has been. Yikes.) The designated hitter is stupid. It cheapens the game. It creates a disparity between leagues. And it fucks up fantasy baseball rosters everywhere.

Bud Selig, blubbering spineless vagina that he is, needs to get rid of the DH once and for all. Players such as David Ortiz and Travis Hafner will still be able to find work, trust me on that one. And as for guys like Frank Thomas and Mike Piazza who have been able to extend their careers by only playing offense, well, tough shit fellas. You can't field any more? Retire. Go out with some dignity, a word that is now rarely associated with out once glorious national pastime.

And as for you Larry, stop worrying about interleague play. Think of the fans in Atlanta who wouldn't otherwise get to see - hmm, "the fans in Atlanta" is setting off all kinds of red flags with my word processor's built in grammar check. It might have something to do with the phrase being an oxymoron. Whatever, bad example. Personally I like getting the chance to see the Phils play the Yankees or the Red Sox, even if it does mean they're probably going to get shellacked. It's a whole new set of players for me to heckle. And that dear Larry, is what makes it all worthwhile.

Cole Hamels!

Good. Fucking. God. He's such a stud.

Marry me Cole. I don't care if you're straight and already married to a woman. We can work it out.

Packers Unhappy Favre Didn't Retire

Rumor has it Brett Favre is upset the Packers didn't make a deal with the Raiders to land Randy Moss, who ended up being traded to the Patriots for a loaf of bread and two pads of butter. Now don't get me wrong, it's easy to understand why Favre would want a wideout as talented as Moss as a target. What I cannot understand, however, is why the Packers continue to put up with this egomaniacal geezer they continue to call their quarterback.

Look, Brett Favre is a first ballot Hall of Fame player. You could argue that, all things considered, he's a top five all time quarterback. His career numbers are nothing short of spectacular. As a football fan, I have a lot of respect for the player Brett Favre once was.

But that's just the thing. He was great. He has thrown 47 interceptions (versus 38 TDs) in the past two seasons. The Packers have missed the playoffs two years in a row despite playing in what is easily the weakest division in the weakest conference in the NFL. And, regardless of what receivers Favre is throwing the ball to, the Packers will stink.

Why? Well, their defense is terrible. Al Harris was their number one cornerback last year. Yes, Mr. Pass Interference himself. Also, Brett Favre is washed up. And yes, you could certainly argue that he is still the best QB in his division, but his competition is Jon Kitna (please), Tavaris Jackson (unproven at best) and Rex Grossman, a man more famous for his fabricated exploits and monologues at the hands of Big Daddy Drew over at KSK than for his football abilities.

It's time for the Packers to give Aaron Rodgers, the quarterback they drafted in the first round two years ago, his chance. Could he be worse than the current Favre? Sure. But he could also be a lot better. The Pakers are not getting any better with Favre running the show. Quarterbacks only get better through in-game experience, of which Rodgers has had very little to date. The longer it takes for him to become the starter, the longer it will take for the Packers to become contenders again.

But only Brett Favre can make this happen. He has to retire. The packers can't really bench or cut the man who has been the face of their franchise for the last 15 years. He won a super bowl. And 3 MVPs. To treat him that way would be disrespectful and selfish. Kind of like how he's treating the Packers and their fans.

Oh, and God help me if I ever have to write something like this about Donovan Mcnabb.

This is Not Going to End Well

Bobby Abreu. Allen Iverson. Donovan McNabb. What do they all have in common? No, it isn't a ridiculous beard. That's just McNabb, who has clearly been hanging around Koy Detmer way too often. Iverson, Abreu and Mcnabb are all the best players of my lifetime for each of the three major sports teams in Philadelphia. (Hockey stopped being a major sport when it took a team out of Winnipeg to put in in Phoenix. Also, I understand it's likely that Ryan Howard and Chase Utley will have better careers than Abreu, but as of now, it's too early to declare them better players than Abreu ever was.)

It appears these three men will soon have another thing in common as well: a departure from Philly that neither the athletes nor the fans deserved. Abreu was shipped off because the Phillies did not want to pay him. Iverson was jettisoned because the Sixers had given up on building a team around him. Donovan may be gone for both reasons. And so, before that happens, I have a request: please Donovan, don't go down that road.

I'm different from most Philadelphia sports fans. For starters, my education extends past 7th grade. Also, I'm a bigger Phillies fan than anything else, a rarity in an Eagle-first town. Also - and this might be directly related to trait number one - I don't boo my own players at the first sign of struggle. Don't get me wrong, I will boo when necessary. Give up 4 home runs in a game? I'm booing. Throw that 3rd pick? I'm booing. Wear a jersey that says "Eaton"? You better fucking believe I'm booing. It's just that if a guy is in a slump, we tend to berate him instead of supporting him, and I have trouble believing that helps.

The Philadelphia sports media, which consists of a bunch of blowhards calling themselves fans - I'm looking at you Cataldi - also tends to be overly negative and hypocritical. They made fans believe Abreu was the reason the Phillies weren't playing well and that the attitude change after he left last season was why they had such a good record after the break. I tend to think that Rollins and Howard hitting a combined 843 home runs in August and September along with a pitching staff hitting its stride was the more likely cause. But hey, what do I know? All I did was watch every game. I do know this though - if Bobby is a Phillie for the entire 2006 season, they make the playoffs.

As for Iverson, who was never exactly a media darling, well, he probably did need to go. (I, along with every other fan, loved him, but they weren't going any further with him as the centerpiece of the team.) But had Billy King pulled the trigger last summer the Sixers could have swung Carlos Boozer and the 7th pick in the 2006 draft, which ended up being Randy Foye. Add those two guys to Iguodala, Willie Green, Korver and Dalembert and that is a nucleus with which you can work. Instead they waited till midway through this season and got 30 cents on the dollar for him. Yes, the two 1st round picks will be nice, but Billy King, idiot that he is, is in charge of using them. Confident I am not.

And then there's Donovan. Sweet, sensitive Donovan. With apologies to Randall Cunningham, Jim McMahon, Ron Jaworski, Ty Detmer, Koy Detmer, Rodney Peete, Bobby Hoying, Doug Pederson and Jeff Blake, McNabb is the best quarterback in Eagle history. And now the media is going apeshit over the Eagles using their first pick - which was NOT A FIRST ROUND PICK - on a quarterback. Do I agree with the pick? Not this second. But if Kevin Kolb is a stud five years from now I'll be fine with it.

Look, McNabb has been hurt recently. He isn't getting any younger. Football is a business. You have to plan for the future. And that's fine. You do not, however, need to make a giant fucking deal out of the Eagles planning for the future. Andy, you don't need to have a conference with Donovan. Donovan, you don't need to say that you're "shocked" with the pick. And everyone else, you don't need to make it seem like there is any question McNabb might not be the starter if fully healthy. He is an elite NFL quarterback. Do you really think Jeff Garcia would be gone if the Eagles had short term worries about Donovan?

Everyone else, though, Donovan and his fat-mouthed and even fatter-assed mother included, is not as smart as I am. Everyone else feels the need to give this way too much attention, making a would-be non-issue into a potentially hazardous real issue. (T.O. anyone?) Just let it go. There's no way of knowing if Kolb was a good draft pick, and there is no way of speeding up that judgment. We all (myself included) booed Donovan when he was drafted. I have learned from such a mistake. I will save my boos for more deserving athletes. In the meantime, everyone just chill out and hope Donovan isn't tearing up the league for some other team much like Bobby and Allen have done. If that happens, then I'll be booing.

Roger Clemens is STILL an Asshole

Two baseball posts in one day? You people should consider yourselves lucky. I don't do this too often. (You can read my other post, regarding The Big Giant Head, here.) Back in February I wrote about how much of a santorum-dripping assbag Roger Clemens was for the way he has carried himself over that last year as a baseball player. His indecisiveness regarding where he wanted to play was disrespectful to everyone involved and should not be indulged.

So what did they Yankees do? They gave him 28 million dollars for essentially 5 months work! Holy fuck man! That is A LOT of money! He is forty fucking four! And he's almost definitely a 'roids case. Can you say breakdown? I sure hope so.

I mean, I'm sure he's still an effective pitcher. Steinbrenner would never spend way too much money on an over-the-hill ace. Is Clemens over the hill? I don't know. He sure wasn't last year. But he was a year younger and that was the National League. This is different. I'm hoping for a complete meltdown, but I will settle for one documented case of old man on the mound flatulence that causes Posada to puke and/or the Yankees missing the playoffs. Either would be hilarious.