Boo This Man!

Donte Stallworth recently checked into the NFL's substance abuse program for marijuana use. Marijuana? If Thurgood Jenkins' attempt to speak at an NA meeting is any proof, it's that marijuana is not a drug. (For those of you not in the know, Thurgood Jenkins was Dave Chappelle's character in Half Baked.) He tried to say he was addicted to marijuana, and he got booed off the stage by those with far more serious problems. Bob Saget, playing a former junkie, made the greatest cameo of all time, leading to this exchange (if you want exact footage, and believe me, you do, click here):

Saget (as junkie): Marijuana is not a drug! I used to suck dick for coke!
Random Crackhead: I seen 'im!
Saget: That's an addiction man. You ever suck dick for some marijuana?!
Chappelle (as Thurgood): No... No I can't say that I have.
Saget: I didn't think so.
Random Crackhead: Boo this man!

And the crowd proceeds to pelt poor Thurgood with trash until he is forced to leave the meeting.

You see, the point is Donte, you're full of it. You're clearly doing this because you know you're about to fail a piss test, and by taking this preemptive measure, you avoid suspension. I'm not saying it isn't smart, and I'm not saying marijuana isn't a substance that can't be abused. I'm just saying that somewhere, Lawrence Taylor is calling you a pussy.

But let's move on to the bigger issue here: suspension for marijuana use. I mean, hey NFL, why even test for it? I can guarantee it isn't a performance enhancer. Yes, it's illegal, but who cares? You should be budgeting your time and money towards more productive tests, like 'roids. And, if the same test is used to detect both, and I doubt it is, then so be it. But really, who cares what the players do in the off-season, provided they don't try to play God and make it rain indoors.

However, I will say this to all the NFLers out there reading this : Um, can't you go a few years without weed? You risk losing all kinds of already non-guaranteed money by smoking up. Make your loot, retire, and THEN blaze enough to make Snoop proud. Curtailing marijuana use isn't hard. ( I have my sources.) Until the NFL decides to stop punishing you for it, just stop doing it while you're active, even during the off-season. It isn't like you're broke and that nick bag you just copped is all you've got going for you today. You're professional athletes! You can live without one somewhat fun vice for a decade. Besides, if you do lay off the trees, maybe you wont get booed as much.