Did You Know Joe Torre Isn't Coming Back?!?

OMG. I mean, he's Joe Torre. And he isn't coming back to work for a maniacal despot. At a decrease in pay. Can you believe it? Did you even know? Well, if you glanced at ESPN at all in the last 24 hours, you would know. The Worldwide Leader, oblivious to anything that isn't Yankee related, devoted the vast majority of it's news coverage to a saga that not that many people really give a shit about.

Yes, he managed the Yankees. Yes, they failed to win another World Series. Honestly, who cares? He was there for 12 years, they made the playoffs 12 times. The won the World Series 4 times. That's a pretty good track record. And, while the Yankees did offer Torre a one year deal for $5 million with an option for a second year, it was $2.5 million less than he made this year. It was an offer made to avoid slapping him in the face while at the same time... um... slapping him in the face. Speaking of which, have you seen his face? He spent most of his career playing catcher or first base, and I'm pretty sure he never used a glove or even his hands. He just caught the ball with his mug. Yikes.

Anyway, back to the real story. I've always had a lot of respect for Joe Torre, and turning down this deal will only give me more. Good for you, Joe Torre. Now please, get the fuck off my television. You're painful to look at.

Turn Off The Radio

After 9 months of solid sportsblogging mediocrity, Roughing the Reader is headed for... more mediocrity. I kid, I kid. As I'm sure the 11 of you reading this will agree, I'm damn good at this. But writing a blog by yourself is hard, especially when you're as lazy as I am. So I've enlisted some talented, equally bitter help to take this blog to the next level. His name is Zwill, and he was recently voted Hater of the Year by a tribunal of his peers. He deserved it. (I'm not going to say which of our friends is the brother of that girl, but let's just say he wasn't pleased.) But I digress. He will add dimensions to this blog that otherwise would not be there. He will curse, maybe even more than I do. And he will write about New York sports, soccer, and anything else he damn well feels like. And so, without further ado, ladies (yeah, right) and gentleman, I give you Zwill. Take it away buddy:

In his 12^th year as an NFL head coach, Tom Coughlin has changed. Lightened up as a coach. Matured as a man. A new leaf hath turned. There he was, the ultimate megalomaniacal micromanager, taking his team bowling. Bowling! And ten-pin at that!

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Stop me if you’ve heard this before. If this sounds like a familiar refrain, that’s because it is. You may have heard a talking head from the Worldwide Poetry Slam Leader say this last November when the Giants were 6-2. Or perhaps it was the previous January before the Giants hosted a playoff game against the Carolina Panthers that ended in a 23-0 loss. Coughlin entered that game as a coach revered for turning a 4-12 cellar dweller in 2003 into a 12-4 division champ in just two years. It didn’t take long – oh, about three hours – for all the positive goodwill to turn into vitriol, much of which came from his players.

One day you’re up and the next you’re down – that’s nothing new in the NFL. But to buy into it all takes some serious short-term memory loss. More than ever, the MSM deals in hyperbole. Genius is the new up and pathetic the new down. It’s no longer a “game of inches” where the best teams “go the extra mile.” Now the Patriots win because their coach is the Rembrandt of the NFL and the Falcons lose because they are ill prepared for battle.

At times likes these, it’s important to remember what Dead Prez says: “Believe in none of what you hear and half of what you see.” The margin for error in the NFL is so slim –so microscopic – that almost nothing is a given. So please channel your inner William Goldman and say it with me: Nobody knows anything.

Yes, the Patriots, Colts and Cowboys are good. Yes, the Dolphins, Rams and Falcons are bad. Beyond that, it’s all a crapshoot. And yes, we say this every year but does it ever really stick? Why are we still listening to Sean Salisbury and John Clayton bicker back and forth? They don’t know shit. Cris Carter and Dan Marino are both era-defining players at their respective positions … and their opinions are worthless. Are they ever held accountable for their wrong predictions? Beyond the “awwwww shucks” ribbing that they get from their colleagues, not a bit. When’s the last time you heard ESPN or Fox or CBS terminate a pundit’s employment for poor analysis?

So the next time you’re listening to The Fan or The Team or The Ticket, I want you to take another piece of advice from Dead Prez: “Turn off the radio! Turn off that bullshit!”

I Had No Idea "The Sopranos" Was About Sports!

Worldwide Leader, you're on notice. Enough is e-fucking-nuff. A few years ago you started televising poker, which is certainly entertaining, if not a sport. Then you started covering the spelling bee, which falls into the same category. And you continue to push the WNBA on us despite the fact that no one other than a few lesbians would EVER consider fucking care about it. But I digress.

When I got to work today ESPN was on the TVs, as it always is. What was everyone from Skip Bayless (insufferable prick that he is) to Michael Wilbon (ditto, though not as bad) discussing? The finale of "The Sopranos"! Look I don't care if everyone watched it, you are ESPN. You are supposed to be dedicated to sports, or at least things that aren't TV shows on another network. Despicable. Almost as bad as when CNN devoted 842 straight hours to Anna Nicole, bless her chest.


And another thing - the ending was good! Granted, it took me a little while to mull it over, but I didn't go on TV on a network dedicated to sports and rip on the episode all day. Wilbon said it "lacked courage". I think he "lacks hair" as well as "original opinions on anything". Mike Golic said it "sucked". I think he's "fat" and "unintelligent".

Look, the bottom line is, ESPN should stick to sports. Yes, they did at times discuss the NBA finals. But it got the same amount of coverage as "The Sopranos", which is wrong, regardless of how bad the Cavs are. Leave the discussion of non-sports television to every loudmouth barely literate asshole with too much free time and a blog. Believe me, we can handle it.