The Super Bowlog

3:13 - Roll out of bed
3:14 - Shower
3:23 - Emerge from shower in all my immaculate glory. Brush teeth.
3:25 - Resist urge to rub one out.
3:27 - Pregame weigh-in: 186. My goal for the end of the night: 200.
3:37 - Pregame dump. Probably should have done the weigh-in after that. Oh well.
3:46 - Figuring out what I'm doing for the game.
4:00 - Breakfast. Corn muffins and cashews. Sweet.
4:19 - Watch some of the "Kitty Halftime Show" for the Puppy Bowl on Animal Planet. It's a bunch of kittens playing with stuff. The sleazy music makes it work.
4:30 - Application of pants to my person.
4:33 - Put on my Barcelona jersey. Yes, I'm wearing a soccer jersey for the Super Bowl. I'm that cool.
4:34 - Resist the urge tor rub one out.
4:45 - Attack the pregame spread my parents have out. Shrimp. Cheese. Crackers. Grapes? Whatever, I'm there.
4:50 - Beer # 1
5:06 - Plans take shape. Looks the Venetian club for the 1st half.
5:24 - Beer #2. Fosters, Australian for delicious.
5:48 - My chariot arrives. McNoggs and Speedy have a Super Bowl Special already prepared. I humbly decline to partake.
5:58 - Arrive at the V.
6:02 - Lager.
6:06 - Phil Simms says "The Bears' system doesn't allow the QB to have great numbers." Yeah, that, or Grossman's lack of ability.
6:12 - Indy comes out to "Baba O'Riley", a song by a British band. Not a good sign.
6:14 - Urlacher looks ready to eat someone. I have $$$ on the Bears covering. Good sign.
6:17 - National anthem. Billy Joel looks drunk. Sounds it too. Jesus he's bald.
6:23 - Coin toss, Bears win. They choose to receive, which Speedy and I agree violates all Madden protocol.
6:26 - Kickoff. Here we go.
6:27 - Devin "Go Ahead, I Fucking Dare You" Hester takes the kick to the house. Wow. He's good.
6:30 - Manning's 1st pass almost picked.
6:33 - Manning's 2nd pass almost picked.
6:37 - Manning's 4th pass IS picked. Uh-oh.
6:39 - Grossman makes terrible throw # 1. Bold prediction: defense will win this game.
6:41 - Time to attack the spread the V has out, which is impressive. Roast beef and provolone sandwich # 1.
6:42 - McNoggs attacks the spread as well, clearly inspired by my sandwich.
6:45 - Lager.
6:47 - Touchdown Reggie Wayne. How he got that open I have no idea.
6:48 - Missed extra point. If the colts fail to cover by a point, someone is going to kill Adam Vinatieri.
6:51 - Kickoff. Fumble. Colts ball. Oh shit.
6:52 - Botched handoff. Fumble. Bears ball. Oh shit.
6:53 - Thomas Jones breaks a 50 yarder.
6:55 - Touchdown Bears. 14-6.
7:05 - Benson fumbles, Colts ball. This is getting ridiculous.
7:07 - Wow, that was a bad throw Peyton.
7:09 - 4th and 3 inside the other teams 40 - GO FOR IT! Pussies. Still, punt works well, Grossman now has to go 96 yards. Something tells me that isn't happening.
7:11 - Benson is hurt. Time for sammich #2. Delicious.
7:16 - Godaddy commercial featuring lots of T&A. Resist urge to rub one out.
7:22 - Lager.
7:25 - Grammys commercial. Funniest so far. They used their entire budget to pay for that ad. Don't they realize that no one watching the Super Bowl is going to watch the Grammys?
7:34 - Touchdown Colts. They take their 1st lead. Can Sexy Rexy answer?
7:41 - Nope. Punt. Colts ball.
7:50 - Colts driving. Fumble. Bears recover.
7:51 - Botched snap, Colts recover. Wow. Way to go Rexy.
7:56 - Icing the kicker doesn't work. Idiots.
7:57 - Vinatieri misses the field goal! It worked! Geniuses!
7:58 - Halftime.
8:07 - Pick up 6 packs, head to Headbutt's house for the 2nd half.
8:30 - Arrive at Headbutt's.
8:31 - Lager.
8:37 - Headbutt is obnoxiously talking shit as usual. He has money on the Colts and the Over (48), plus Ben is a Bears fan, giving Headbutt more reason to be loud.
8:38 - Did Dungy really just challenge that? Re-tarded.
8:42 - Vinatieri makes the kick, but 743 Indianapolis fans had simultaneous coronaries.
8:48 - Grossman is sacked, loses approximately 43 yards.
8:49 - Grossman loses another 23 yards.
8:57 - Lager.
9:01 - Hilarious K-Fed commercial.
9:05 - Desmond Clark breaks up a would-be interception, possibly saves game for Bears.
9:06 - Gould makes the kick. The Bears look good to cover, but there is still plenty of time.
9:17 - Wings. The march towards 200 continues.
9:20 - Harrison twists his knee. Someone yells out "That would have hurt Gumby!". Classic.
9:24 - Oh Rexy, that was a bad throw. Interception, touchdown Colts.
9:25 - Challenge. Lager.
9:26 - Play stands, and it should have. Fuck. Cover not looking so good.
9:33 - Oh Rexy, that was a bad throw. Interception.
9:50 - The Bears aren't covering. Fuck. Oh well.
9:54 - Lager.
9:59 - Colts win. Vinatieri's missed field goal would have given Headbutt the over and a lot of money. Instead he broke even. He is not pleased. Meanwhile, swine everywhere are sprouting wings and Satan reaches for a scarf as Peyton "Half Donkey, Half" Manning has that "I'm finally going to lose my virginity!" look on his face. He will now be in every commercial ever made until he is dead. If he ever dies. I'm pretty convinced he's actually a robot. So we'll see. My night didn't end here, but my documentation of it did. All in all, a pretty enjoyable game.