Trouble in Paradise

It has been recently revealed that Alex Rodriguez and Derek Jeter - America's most high profile gay couple - are having relationship issues. Rodriguez, or A-Rod, if you will, spoke to the media yesterday and revealed that he and Jeter are no longer as close as they once were. Jeter denied any legitimate rift between the two, but refused to comment on their life off the field and in the bedroom.

Sources close to the couple however say that Jeter has been sleeping on the couch for over a year despite the apartment being in his name. When asked why the source replied "Well, the woman never sleeps on the couch, right?". Right indeed.

Jeter and Rodriguez went public with their relationship in 2004, Rodriguez's first year with the team, but have been together since they were teenagers. The first signs of trouble came in 2001 when A-Rod, then with the Texas Rangers, said that teams don't worry about Jeter beating them when they play the Yankees. This is of course highly ironic because teams sure as hell don't worry about Grounded-Into-Double-Play-Rod beating them now when they play the Yankees.

Many also believe that the discrepancy in salary - Rodriguez is the highest paid player in baseball - also bothers Jeter deep down, though he publicly denies that that is an issue, saying "Being the top makes up for it". He also charges Rodriguez $1,000 per reach around.

Despite the guarantee from Jeter that the off field issues will not affect their play within the diamond, many Yankees fans are worried. After all, there are second graders in New York who have never seen a World Series champion. Second Graders. I know, I know. Sometimes it just isn't fair. But rest assured Yankees fans, your team's eventual late season collapse will have nothing to do with the 21st century Siegfried and Roy. Just watch out for them Tigers.