NFL Picks, Week Four

Ah, the NFL. Never predictable. Well, I'm not good at predicting it. At least not yet. I could be taking the coward's way out and just picking teams straight up, but that's too easy. Anyway, last week I forgot to pick the San Fran - Pittsburgh game. With San Fran getting 10 points, I probably would have taken them. And lost. Ah well. I'm changing my format because I don't feel like making the picks in bold, so home team is in caps, my pick comes first. Just like Bill Simmons. Except he has readers. Anyway, onto the picks.

MIAMI(-4) over Oakland: Miami shouldn't be giving points to anyone at this point. On paper they shouldn't be terrible, but they are. Lamont Jordan is having a fine season and should continue to do so this week. Miami Stinks, but Oakland stinks a little less. That being said, I can't see Oakland beating anyone by more than 3.

ATLANTA (+3) over Houston: No Andre Johnson. No Ahman Green (probably). And I still really had to think about his one. Atlanta is that bad. But they can't go 0-16. I'm not sure they win this gam, but it should be close.

CLEVELAND (+4.5) over Baltimore: I know, it's the Browns. They aren't good and probably never will be again. But the Ravens are overrated and Jamal Lewis, convicted felon, wants revenge. I say he gets it, but the Browns still lose by less than five, because, you know, they're the Browns.

DETROIT (+3) over Chicago: Detroit's defense can make anyone look good. Just ask Kevin Curtis. But Roy Williams and those receivers are for real, even if he is a cheap, worthless piece of shit. Tip the pizza guy you rich fuckhead. Otherwise he'll be teabagging every slice you eat until the end of time. Anyway, the Bears are reeling, and while there's a good chance they get back on track with this game, I don't think they will. They are experiencing the Super Bow Loser Year After of Suckitude and might not even make the playoffs. Are the Lions good? Not really, but they can, and will, score.

Green Bay (-2) over MINNESOTA: I still don't think Green Bay is for real. I do, however, think Minnesota's offense is terrible, even with Purple Jesus. It's a shame because that defense is really good, but they pretty much need to pitch a shutout to win.

DALLAS (-13.5) over St. Louis: Until further notice, I'm not taking St. Louis. Bulger has cracked ribs and Jackson isn't playing? And his replacement is a white running back? I hate to say it, but Dallas is good, and they should win this by a lot.

N.Y. Jets (-3.5) over BUFFALO: Wow, this game sure isn't going to be entertaining. Me and my fantasy team are hoping this is the game Lee Evans registers more than one point. That fuck. I think he will. But the Bills aren't winning. They may never win again. I still think the Jets can be a playoff team, starting with another win here.

CAROLINA (-3) over Tampa Bay: I'm so not sold on Tampa Bay. Who have they beaten? St. Louis and an apparently crappy Saints team? I'm pretty sure Carolina is good, even with
David Carr. And it's in Carolina, so they should win this without much of a problem.

SAN FRANCISCO (+2) over Seattle: If this were in Seattle, I'd pick them. But it isn't, and I still think San Fran is a good team, though I'm not sure why. I think they will win outright, even without Vernon Davis.

Pittsburgh (-6.5) over ARIZONA: Pittsburgh is for real. The Cardinals are the Cardinals. They are what we think they are: crappy. A QB controversy and no Anquan Boldin? No thanks. Pittsburgh continues to roll here.

KANSAS CITY (+12) over San Diego: I don't think Kansas City wins this game, but it should be close. I heard a lot about how terrible Norv Turner was when San Diego originally hired him, and now I see why. A team as talented as the Chargers has no business losing to Green Bay, and yet, they lost. They will win this game, but it will be close, and it won't be pretty.

INDIANAPOLIS (-10) over Denver: Last week Denver was exposed as not being that good. They had me fooled. Not anymore. Indy isn't fucking around, and I think they're a little annoyed that everyone has already handed the Vince Lombardi trophy to New England. I think they pound the fuck out of Denver here.

N.Y. GIANTS (+2.5) over Philadelphia: These games are always close, regardless of how bad either team might be. And it's in New York. No result would really surprise me here, and the Eagles are 0-2 when I pick them, so I'm taking the Giants.

New England (-7.5) over CINCINNATI: Cincinnati gave up 51 points to Cleveland. New England is a lot better than Cleveland. Cincinnati will score some points too, but a final score of 58-21 wouldn't shock me here. New England is really, really good. Those fucks. They will win this game, and pretty much every game, handily.

Those are the picks for the week. Enjoy the games.

Last Week: 6-8-2
Season: 16-29-3