He's Baaaaacccckkkkkk (v2.0)

Chase Utley returns to the Phillies tonight, and it couldn't happen at a better time. Not only is it against the Mets, but I also have tickets. While Tadahito Iguchi has been good in Utley's stead, the bottom line is, he's no Chase Utley. No one is. The Phils absolutely have to win at least two of these games, and realistically, they need to win at least 3, which will be no easy task. Not only are the Mets good, but here are the four starters we will be trotting out against them: J.D. Durbin, Adam Eaton, Jamie Moyer and Kyle Lohse. Yikes. The last two wouldn't be too bad if they weren't the front end of our rotation. But at this point in the season, they are. Fuck. Hey Chase, you know how to throw a curve?

You Know Who I Don't Envy?

Andy Reid. And it isn't just because he's, fat, mustachioed and Mormon. Or that he works 130 hours a week during the season. At least he gets paid a lot. No, I don't envy him the least bit because his sons are fucking morons. Especially Britt, although that's what you get for naming your son Britt.

You're out on bail, a lot of people in the area know what you look like, and you're so noticeably fucked up that someone who works at Dick's Sporting Goods calls the cops on you because you're about to drive? Wow. Somewhere Marcus Vick is calling you an idiot. Have fun in prison.

Also, the Phillies season is over. This just gets sadder by the minute. 14 runs to the Padres? It's the fucking Padres! Their offense sucks! And yet, our pitching sucks even more. It sucked enough to give up 22 hits to the Padres. Hey, at least Greg Maddux got his 10th win for the 20th season in a row. Be impressed. Be very impressed.

Utley should be back this weekend. Adam Eaton should be back for the Mets series. Sadly, these are both good things. That's how bad the rotation is right now. Save us Jebus. And do it soon.

God, Are You There? It's me, Lionel.

Listen God, we need to talk. This, this just isn't cool. I mean, you've been pretty good to me so far. I can't really complain. But this? This is some fucked up shit man. Cole Hamels on the 15 day DL? During the most important stretch of the season, a 10 game homestand against 3 of the NL's top teams? You know what big guy, fuck you. There, I said it. Kiss my ass you rotten motherfucker.

You pick the one guy on the Phillies even more irreplaceable than Chase Utley and you give Him "elbow tenderness"? Really? Come the fuck on. That's horseshit. I mean, I just got His jersey for fuck's sake. And now the season is over. Me and you God, we ain't cool no more. You've gone too far. I'm converting to Islam. Asshole.

An Eventful Day in the World of Philly Sports

Before I get into the craziness that was August 21st in Philadelphia (Hamels, Trotter, Eddie Griffin - no, not that Eddie Griffin) I need to clear the air about this blog. For the longest time this has been a Philly sports blog posing as a general sports blog. Those days, dear readers, if there are in fact any of you, are over. I will no longer pretend to write a sports blog that covers all sports. It's too hard to do by yourself. Let me clarify that - it's to hard to do and do well by yourself. It's gotten to the point where I'm posting every three days (if that) and half the time it's just a blurb about what the Phillies did. That would be cool if this were a Philly blog, but it wasn't. At least not in theory.

Well, now it is. Will I occasionally still write about the goings on of non-Philly athletes? Of course, but I'll probably just do it at The Ghosts of Wayne Fontes. I'll link to it here, but this blog will be reserved for what happens here in the Two One Five. So what does that mean for those of you reading this? Well, more frequent posting, for starters. And well informed, entirely pessimistic, snarky and overtly critical posting at that. You can bet that I will be committed to covering the Phillies, Eagles, Sixers, and maybe even Flyers to the best of my ability. I also think I'm going to do NFL picks once the season starts for you gamblers out there (I'm looking at you, Todd). I gotta write what I know, and I know Philly sports to a degree that no one really should. Many thanks to those who still read this, and I promise that it will still be worth reading, even if you aren't a Philly sports fan.

Ok, so some big things happened today. I'll start with Cole Hamels, who will miss his next start due to elbow tenderness. I don't know what the fuck that means, but I don't like it. He's already logged 30 more innings than he logged last year, and here's hoping this is a very minor issue. The Phillies have no shot at the postseason if he isn't 100%.

The Eagles released Jeremiah Trotter today, after 7 non-consecutive seasons with the team. Trotter was a figurehead of the Eagles' defense and his locker room presence will no doubt be missed. The Eagles brass couldn't offer up much of reason for this, other than the fact that Trotter has lost a couple steps. This may indeed be true, but I'm still not sure I like this. It would be one thing if the Eagles were deep at linebacker, but they aren't. They're one injury away from starting Matt McCoy. Yikes. Still, the Eagles have always been good about getting rid of veterans at the right time, so we'll see. Number 54 will go down as one of the best linebackers to wear green and white, and I hope that if he does retire, he comes back as some sort of coach.

Last but not least, Eddie Griffin, former Roman Catholic star and NBA player died in a car accident on Friday. He somehow managed to crash his SUV into a train near Houston. His body was so badly damaged that he had to be identified by dental records. His NBA career was very up and down, as he was released by the Timberwolves in March. Griffin was only 25 years old. This is a sad, sad story for one of Philadelphia's best high school basketball players ever, and he will no doubt be missed by many residents of the city.

On a lighter note, the Phillies won and Tom Gordon didn't blow it despite having a chance to lose the game in the 8th. He instead pitched a 1-2-3 inning, and Myers pitched the 9th for the save. Kendrick got the win and Jayson Werth mad a couple of great throws in right field, seemingly channeling Shane "The Throwin' Samoan" Victorino. The Phils are now tied with San Diego for the Wild Card lead.

He's Baaaaacccckkkkkk

McNabb finally took the field for the first time since November. He looked good. Real good. Not to jinx anything, but it appears the knee is a-ok. Which makes me happy. If he's healthy the Eagles are clearly the class of the NFC East and top 3 NFC team. Playoffs? Um, yeah.

In other news, the Phillies smacked the crap out of the Pirates, although the bullpen did it's best to keep the game close. Final score was 11-8. Unfortunately, the Mets keep winning too.

Funny Phillie anecdote: last weekend a friend of a friend was out at a bar in downtown Philly and ran into Pat Burrell, Chase Utley, and a personal hero of mine and champion of metaphysics, Darren Daulton. Utley had a cast on his hand and a hat pulled over his eyes, and when my friend's friend approached him and said "Hey, you're Chase Utley", he replied with "Nah man, I'm Allen Iverson." Classic. Burrell then asked him "Where are your lady friends?" I don't know Pat, where's your fiance? Asshole. I'm just glad you're hitting.

Well, There's Nowhere to Go But Up...

The Eagles got their asses handed to them by the Ravens Monday night. It was a very unimpressive effort from what I saw, which honestly wasn't a whole lot. Kevin "Corn on the" Kolb certainly didn't blow me away, although he did take a couple sacks for impressive losses.

The true story will be how McNabb plays on Friday. I think he's going to have a big year.

Also, the Phillies start two big series tonight against the Nationals and then the Pirates. Why are series against the two worst teams in the NL big? Because these are games the Phillies need to win and traditionally don't. Playoff teams consistently beat up on the doormats. The Phils need to win at least 4 of their next 6, which would put them 10 games over .500. Fingers crossed baby.

It Wasn't Supposed to Happen This Way.

This just feels... wrong. 756, if it happened at all, wasn't supposed to go down like this. It was the most glorious record in sports. One that could never be broken. It was the record, the one every kid, myself included, dreamed of breaking. It was untouchable. Or so we thought.

When I was younger, having seen video of Aaron hitting 715, I always thought that if someone managed to hit 756, it would be a truly momentous occasion. He would forever go down in history as a legend, and I would never forget where I was if and when the record was actually broken.

Well, for the most part, that's actually true. 50 years from now I'm sure I'll remember sitting at work at 11:45pm, in an empty restaurant save for the young couple at the bar, watching Bonds' at bat live on ESPN. It seemed normal enough, but then that picturesque left-handed swing connected and his arms went up. He knew. We all knew. The inevitable had occurred. 756. As a hurricane of money-grubbing jerks (the guy who ended up with the ball was wearing a Mets jersey!) converged on the ball in the left field stands, Bonds rounded the bases and the celebration began. His legend was cemented into baseball lore, for better or for worse.

And how did I, a lifelong baseball fan, feel about all of it? Disturbingly indifferent. If you had told me as a little kid that I wouldn't giving half of a flying fuck about the record being broken, I wouldn't have believed you. I mean, he's the new Home Run King! 756! That's more than anyone, EVER. And yet, I don't care.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't hate Barry Bonds. I think he had hall of fame talent before he ever juiced up and I don't hold using steroids against him any more than I hold it against every other player of his generation. And, while I do believe he has knowingly used and abused performance enhancing drugs, he still hasn't tested positive. And even if he did indeed use 'roids, he was still better than every other player of his era.

No, it isn't his fault that tonight was depressing. As they say in the glamorous world of hip-hop, Barry was just "gettin' his" all these years. Can't blame him for wanting to stay one step ahead of the competition. After all, you know the saying: "Don't hate the player, hate the spineless douchebag commissioner who let baseball become so thoroughly corrupted." At least I think that's it. Sounds about right, anyway.

Well, It's August...

So I guess it's okay to talk about the NFL. ESPN.com recently released a list of the 50 most likely current NFL players to make the Hall of Fame, as well as 10 guys on the bubble. For the most part, the list was pretty good. (The complete list can be found here, while there are also sections of 10 players at a time with explanations as to why the players were chosen.)

There was only one Eagle in the top 50, which honestly sounds about right. Anyone who really follows the NFL knows that the lone Iggle is not Donovan McNabb (he was listed as "On the bubble"). No, it is none other than Brian Dawkins, a man who is indeed a shoo in for the Hall. Destined to go down as one of the best safeties of all time, Dawk was number 25 on the list, with number 1 (Brett Favre) being the most deserving.

As for McNabb being on the bubble, I can't say I disagree. He certainly has Hall of Fame talent, but recent injuries and a certain elusive piece of gaudy jewelry might be blocking his path. That being said, he still has a few good years left and I'm confident Donovan will find his way into Canton.

My biggest complaint? Where's Brian Westbrook? I'm certainly not saying he's a shoo in for the Hall, but I do think he at least deserves bubble consideration. He's one of the most dynamic talents in the league, capable of taking the ball to the house any time he touches it, and last year he proved he can shoulder a full workload over the course of a season.

His career stats are pretty darn good - and bear in mind, he's only going to turn 28 in September. He has 3,452 career rushing yards on 736 attempts, giving him a very good 4.7 yards per carry. He has also recorded 20 rushing TDs. In addition, he has 2,436 receiving yards on 257 catches, with an average of 9.5 yards per catch to go along with 18 TDs.

Take away his rookie season, when he only gained 277 total yards (Duce Staley was still a Philly fixture at that point) and his per season totals (4 seasons) look like this: 815 rushing yards on 173 attempts for 4.7 yards per carry with 5 rushing TDs. 62 receptions a year for 588 yards and 4.5 TDs. So that's 1,400+ total yards a season with about 10 TDs a year. That's pretty darn good. Oh, and over the last 4 years, he's only got three fumbles. That is not a typo. Three. In Tiki Barber's first 4 seasons a feature back, he had 27 fumbles. Twenty. Fucking. Seven. That's a lot more than three.

And last year was Westbrook's best season by far. He gained 1,916 total yards (1,217 rushing, averaging 5.1 yards per carry) and scored 11 touchdowns. One must assume he is capable of replicating those numbers for at least three more years. If that doesn't make him Hall worthy, I don't know what does. Only time will tell, but at his current pace, I think Westbrook deserves legitimate Canton consideration.

Clearly Chase Utley Was Holding the Phillies Back

Well, they're 4-0 without him. Iguchi is playing well, and Cole Hamels was as studly as ever tonight, going 8 innings, allowing one run and striking out 8. Obviously I want Utley back as soon as possible, but it appears that the Phillies will be fine without him if the pitching holds up. Yes, thats a very, very big if, but Myers is back (got the save tonight) and they just picked up Kyle Lohse, which I guess was a good trade provided A.) he doesn't suck, and B.) Matt Maloney isn't awesome in two years.

Bad news about Bourn and Victorino both getting hurt. I guess Greg Dobbs will start in right, which is fine if the opposing pitcher isn't a lefty, but this leaves the Phils without a lead off hitter. Iguchi? Your guess is as good as mine. I never I'd say this, but Jason Werth, I miss you.

I'm tired of these injuries, and it isn't just the Phillies. The only team of my lifetime that stayed healthy (and that had any talent) was the '93 Phillies, and they were fucking awesome. Every year it's always something with the Eagles and Phillies (and to a degree, the Sixers and Flyers, the latter being dead to me). Someone, or multiple key players, gets hurt. This year's Phils? Yup. Last year's Eagles? Oh yeah. Every other god damn team I root for? Seems that way. Whatever, I'm whining more than Bill Simmons does about Boston sports, and that's just unacceptable. Especially when the Phillies have won 9 of 10. That being said, if Ryan Howard's leg falls of, I quit.

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK.

Chase Utley is going to miss 6-8 weeks with a broken hand after being hit by a pitch in a game they didn't even win. Utley is optimistic that he will be back sooner than that, but it's a broken bone in his hand. He plays baseball. Hands are important. It will take longer than that for him to be back at 100%.

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK.

If the season wasn't over already, it is now. At least the Eagles play in 5 weeks.

FUCK.

Now THAT Was a Basball Game

It started off just like any other game. Cole Hamels was cruising past the Nationals in front of a sell out crowd and the Phillies offense had done enough to give him a comfortable 4-2 lead. Or so it seemed. Ryan Madson pitched a scoreless 8th. Then, after a couple position changes that brought Abraham Nunez and Michael Bourn into the game, "closer" Antonio Alfonseca came in to pitch the ninth.

While Alfonseca was warming up on the mound announcer Chris Wheeler was explaining that Nunez would hit in the 9th spot in the order due to a double switch, while Alfonseca would hit in the 6 hole. Harry Kallas cut him off, saying "they aren't going to bat Wheels". I chuckled, hoping Harry was right. Oops.

Bat they did, because Alfonseca couldn't get th job done and the Phils entered the 9th trailing 5-4. It was During the top of the 9th that I decided to watch Little Miss Sunshine. (By the way, if you have yet to see this movie, do yourself a favor and watch it. Fantastic film. It's on HBO On Demand right now. Go. Do it. Stop reading this.) Anyway, after watching this fine film, I exit On Demand to the same channel that was on when I turned the movie on - i.e. CSN. Well, to my surprise, the Phillies were still on.

It was the bottom of the 13th. Rollins had apparently hit a triple (his 12th) in the 9th inning and scored on a throwing error on the same play. With two outs. Gotta love playing the Nationals. Anyway, Greg "The Natural" Dobbs led off the bottom of the 13th with a single. Rollins hit into a fielder's choice and then Victorino popped out. With Utley up, Rollins was thrown out trying to steal 2nd. Wonderful.

So anyway, Clay Condrey pitched his third scoreless inning in a row, with Ryan Zimmerman popping out to Ryan Howard for the third out. As Howard caught the ball and the camera was on him, I said out loud "End the game", thinking he was due up first in the bottom half of the inning. Shortly thereafter I realized Utley was up due to the base running faux pas. He drew yet another walk (his 3rd of the game) to give the Phillies a leadoff base runner for the 5th straight extra inning. Wheels pointed this out, saying the Phils had gotten the leadoff man on in the 4 previous innings and failed to score, something he called "hard to do". Um, how fucking long have you been covering the Phillies Wheels? They do that shit all the time. After 125 years of ineptitude, believe me, this stuff comes easily.

Meanwhile, Ryan Howard must have heard me, because he mashed the shit out of a 2-2 fastball sending it into the upper deck in right field, game over. (He's leading the NL in RBIs now, by the way.) During his post game interview, Harry Kallas asked him if he felt as good as he did last year. His response? "I'm getting there." Oh, you aren't there yet? Every pitcher in the National League just went "well shit".

Atta boy Ryan, atta boy.

Remember When the NFL was the League With All the Legal Problems?

Those were a fun 4 days. A referee fixing games and outcomes? In the playoffs? Guhhhhh. David Stern is NOT pleased. Everyone who's anyone keeps saying they're "sad, but not shocked". You know what? I'm fucking shocked. This is the god damn NBA, not some minor league or semi-pro shit. This is a very, very serious offense. And while I don't think it's as bad as what Michael Vick has been accused of, it's pretty darn terrible, especially for the fans who may have been royally screwed.

The happiest man in America over all of this? Roger Goodell. Just when the NFL was taking all the negative publicity, the NBA goes and lets this happen. Of course, it could flip-flop right back when Ookie gets 6 years in prison for animal cruelty, among other offenses.

Also, Ryan Howard is now tied with teammate Chase Utley for the National League lead in RBIs. And he missed a month. What a stud. Imagine what his numbers would be like if he'd been healthy every game he played this year instead of waiting 3 weeks before going on the DL. Charlie Manuel, you're an idiot.

Remember When the NBA was the League With All the Legal Problems?

Ah, those were the days. Trail Blazers kept getting high. Pacers kept fighting civilians. And Allen Iverson kept getting accused of things he didn't (but probably sorta did) do. While some, if not all, of the aforementioned incidents seemed noteworthy at the time, they pale in comparison to the antics of NFL (I believe the "F" stands for "Felony") players over the course of the last year or so.

And I'm not just talking about the Bengals, who racked up 9 arrests during the 2006 season. No, their DUIs, marijuana possessions and resisting arrests were nothing as far as Roger Goodell is concerned.

You see, there's this guy named Jones. And he likes strippers. A LOT. But he also like hanging out with a posse that causes all kinds of ruckuses at these strip clubs. And sometimes, over the course of a ruckus, people get shot. Now, Mr. Jones has yet to be convicted of anything, but he has been arrested and/or questioned for a variety of crimes, almost all of which have been serious offenses.

And then there's this guy Vick. In the past Vick, a notorious pothead during (and probably after) his time at Virginia Tech (a friend of mine from school claims his older brother used to flip Vick an ounce every 2 days) has had a few minor-run ins with the law, but they could have been overlooked. His most recent offense, however, does not fit into the category of things that are overlookable.

His most recent charge, as I'm sure you by now know, is dog fighting. Now, he is, of course, innocent until proven guilty, and I sure as hell don't have any proof. But as I've said before, truth rarely concerns me. Is it possible that Vick had nothing to do with a dog fighting complex on the grounds of a house he owned in Virginia? Absolutely. Is it also possible that Vick is an asshole backwater thug that doesn't seem to understand the concepts of animal cruelty and non-guaranteed money? Yup. If he's truly innocent, fine, let him return to the Falcons and get booed everywhere he goes. He won't mind. And if he's guilty, few men will deserve to go to prison more.

But even I'll admit that "Free Ookie!" merchandise is fucking hilarious.

Celebrating 10,000

Note: This entry also appears over at The Ghosts of Wayne Fontes, because I'm a lazy son of a bitch.

"Celebrating 10,000". That was the slogan of a website riding the coattails of the ineptitude that is the Philadelphia Phillies. While tailgating for the game on Saturday that had the potential to be the Phils' 10,000th loss (it wasn't) guys were going around handing out fliers for a parade after the game. A parade. For a loss. Now don't get me wrong, my drunken self probably would have participated, but still. Is that what we, as Philadelphia sports fans, have stooped to? Parades for losing?

We did, after all, damn near throw a parade for a horse back in 2004, but not even Smarty Jones could come up big when it truly mattered.

We do, after all, root for our former stars after management decides to trade them away for 30 cents on the dollar because we know rooting for our own teams is a lost cause anyway. (Do you have any idea how many Nuggets fans there are in Philly now? Tons.)

And we do, after all, have roughly 12 years worth of high school graduates who either weren't alive or were too young to appreciate the city's last championship (1983).

Now I'm not looking for your sympathy. One of the guys who writes here is a Cleveland fan. If anyone deserves your sympathy, it's him. But I do want to dissect this whole 10,000 loss thing, which has gotten national attention because apparently nothing else is happening in the world of sports.

Here are some of the facts regarding the franchise with the most losses in American professional sports:

-They now have 10,001 losses, putting the roughly 1,200 games under .500.
-They have had 14 100-loss seasons, including 5 in a row at one point.
-They have had 2 100-win seasons.
-They have won 1 World Series, and lost 4.
-They have lost over 1,200 games to the Giants.
-They have existed for 125 years, which is as long or longer than just about any team in any sport.

It's that last one that interests me the most. 125 years is a long, long time. While the Phillies are indeed the first team to 10,000 losses, and while they have indeed been pretty damn bad forever, they took their sweet ass time getting to 10,000. Other teams will get there in less time, I can assure you of that. In fact, I think the Detroit Lions are on pace to reach the same milestone sometime in 2011, an astonishing feat for a team that only plays 16 games a year.

The thing is, as bad as the Phillies have been (especially in my lifetime, during which they have made the playoffs once in 23 years) they aren't the worst team in sports history, much like the media has made them out to be. They have had some great teams and some great players over the years, and don't really deserve all the flak they've been getting recently. I love them to death and I always will, even if they get to 20,000 losses before I'm dead. And I wouldn't trade being a Philly sports fan for being a fan of any other city, because when I finally do see that championship, it's going to be really, really fucking sweet.

But I still think we should have kept the A's.

Baseball's Back! And links.

Thank god. Now I can watch as the Phillies continue crapping their season away. Although I am going to see them on Saturday. Maybe it will be their 10,000th loss, but I doubt it. If they don't lose tomorrow, they aren't losing Saturday with Hamels on the mound. (Vigorously knocks on wood.)

Yesterday there was a great game between Argentina and Mexico. Lionel Messi (if you don't kow him yet, you will) scored a beautiful little goal en route to a 3-nil Argentina victory.

Check it out here. He made something that was very difficult look very easy.

Also, check out his goal against Getafe earlier this year in La Liga. Twas Maradonaesque. Make sure you watch the replay to truly grasp the greatness of this one.

Let's see what's happening around the rest of the blogosphere because I don't feel like actually writing anything:

Coleman at JCMJ ponders life with Barry Bonds, past, present and future.

Run Up The Score adjusts to life in Harrisburg. Good luck with Comcast buddy.

Victor, a friend of mine from college, is learning to deal with his newfound game show fame.

Rupert at The Ghosts of Wayne Fontes gives us Brady Quinn's playlist.

Mike Vick is at it again, with Big Daddy Drew's help, of course.

And last but not least, have you ever looked at Ted Williams' career numbers? Go on, do it. They're incredible. And remember, he gave up 3 years of his prime to go kick some Nazi ass. What a guy.

A Couple Final All-Star Notes

First of all, kudos to both managers for starting the two most deserving pitchers tomorrow night. Both Peavy and Haren will represent the NL and AL, respectively, to start the game, proving yet again, I'm always right. Except when I'm wrong.

Also, Jim Leyland, the man who should be managing the Phillies, absolutely nailed the AL lineup:

1. Ichiro
2. Jeter
3. Ortiz
4. A-Rod
5. Vlad
6. Magglio
7. I-Rod
8. Polanco

I probably would have switched Ortiz and Vlad based solely on performance this year and proximity to the game - Boston is a little farther from San Francisco than Anahiem is - but Papi is the bigger star and still a great hitter.

Tony La Russa, on the other hand, made a lineup that one would expect from a man whose team boasts a spiffy 40-45 record. Here it is:

1. Reyes
2. Bonds
3. Beltran
4. Griffey
5. Wright
6. Fielder
7. Martin
8. Utley

Now let me make this abundantly clear - I am NOT only pissed at this because I am a Phillies fan. I am pissed because I am a baseball fan and this makes no sense. Lets break it down by lineup spot, shall we?

1. Reyes: fine. Makes sense.
2. Bonds: also fine. The game is in San Fran.
3. Beltran: Um, WHAT THE FUCK Tony? The man is hitting .264! .264! Should hit 6th.
4. Griffey Jr.: should be hitting 3rd. Bonds then Griffey? I'm sorry, even I think that's cool.
5. Wright: look, Wright is a very good player, but in this line up, he should hit 7th.
6. Fielder: um, maybe the best power hitter on the team should hit 4th. Just a hunch.
7. Martin: clearly the worst hitting starter, should hit 8th.
8. Utley: Hold on. Wait for it. Wait for it. WHAT?!?! He has the best across the board numbers of anyone on the team. He is clearly one of the top hitters in baseball, not just the NL and hitting him 8th - behind Martin! Martin! - is downright insulting. He should be hitting 5th. Now, this decision will make sense if one and only one thing happens: he plays the whole game. The other two second baseman are Orlando Hudson and Freddy Sanchez, choices that are dubious and absurd, respectively. Hudson, while having a good year, should have been replaced by Jimmy Rollins or even teammate Eric Byrnes. Freddy Sanchez, the lone Pirate, is occupying a spot that teammate Ian Snell deserves. If neither of those guys plays, no one will care. Not even Pittsburgers, or Pittsburgians or Yinzers, or whatever the fuck they call themselves.

So, in short, here is my proposed NL lineup:

1. Reyes
2. Bonds
3. Griffey Jr.
4. Fielder
5. Utley
6. Beltran
7. Wright
8. Martin

Now that is a team that might actually have a chance against the AL lineup. Aw, who am I kidding? They're gonna get killed either way. Final Score: Al 11, NL 6.

Also, Big Boy repeats as Derby winner, hitting an astonishing 743 balls into McCovey Cove. Enjoy the festivities.

Who Should Be Starting Tuesday

We all know who the starters actually are at this point. Now it's time for me to make it clear who should be starting at each position for the AL and NL.

American League:

Catcher: Victor Martinez, Cleveland Indians. .326 BA, 15 HR, 66 RBIs
Ivan Rodriguez will be the actual starter, despite the fact that Martinez is having a far superior year in pretty much every statisitical category.

First Base: Justin Morneau, Minnesota Twins. .288, 20, 66.
David Ortiz was voted in as the starter. Papi is a great player having a good year, but he only has 14 home runs. Morneau should start, although this is hardly a major snub. This is why the All Star game should have a DH every year. But I guess that would make too much sense, wouldn't it Bud?

Second Base: Brian Roberts, Baltimore Orioles. 323, 5, 26, 26 SB.
Placido Polanco, the man who should be playing 3rd base for the Phillies, is having a very good season, but Roberts has been better. His OBP is higher and he has scored only 6 fewer runs playing on a much shittier team.

Shortstop: Derek Jeter, New York Yankees. .341, 5, 43.
Can't argue with Jeter, whom the fans also voted to start. But Orlando Cabrera not making the team is just plain wrong. Michael Young? Please.

Third Base: Alex Rodriguez, New York Yankees. .348, 28, 80.
Um, the fans got this one right too. A-Rod was the obvious choice.

Outfield: Magglio Ordonez, Detroit Tigers. .370, 13, 69.
That .370 is NOT a typo. 'Nuff said. Fans voted him in.

Outfield: Vlad Guerrero, LA Angels. .329, 14, 75.
Another typically superb year from Vlad. Fans got him.

Outfield: Torii Hunter, Minnesota Twins. .301, 18, 66.
It's hard to argue against the fans' choice, Ichiro, who is hitting .365, but Hunter's power numbers and superb defense make me feel he deserves the spot. He's also a true centerfielder.

Starting Pitcher: Dan Haren, Oakland A's. 10-2, 2.20 ERA, .98 WHIP
If those aren't the numbers of a man who deserves to start for an All Star team, maybe I just don't understand baseball. That being said, it appears Josh Beckett (12-2, 3.44, 1.14) will start. Beckett is having a very good year, but the Red Sox score runs in droves, and Haren, who pitches for a team that is next to last in runs scored, would have at least 12 wins for the Sox at this point.

National League:

Catcher: Russell Martin, LA Dodgers. .300, 9, 55, 16 SB.
Fans got this right. 16 steals from a catcher before the break? He's like a Jason Kendall that can actually hit.

First Base: Prince Fielder, Milwaukee Brewers. .278, 27, 66.
Also the right choice. Pujols has been good as usual, but Fielder would be the NL MVP if the season ended today.

Second Base: Chase Utley, Philadelphia Phillies. .324, 15, 66. (He also has 33 doubles, just for good measure.)
DUH. Utley is far and away the best second baseman in baseball, not just the NL. Fans got him right too.

Third Base: Miguel Cabrera, Florida Marlins. .321, 17, 58.
The vans voted in David Wright, which comes as no surprise considering there are just a few more Mets fans out there than Marlins fans. But Cabrera has better numbers across the board, with the exception of steals, which aren't that important. The bottom line is, Cabrera is a better player, this year and every year.

Shortstop: Jose Reyes, New York Mets. .310, 4, 34, 43 steals.
Ok, so this Met does deserve to start. Reyes stands out among NL shortstops, despite the wealth of talent the position. Rollins deserves to be on the team though.

Outfield: Barry Bonds, San Franciso Giants. .303, 17, 42, .514 OBP.
That OBP is obscene, even for Bonds. Pitchers still fear him because the man can still hit, by his own merits or otherwise. He deserves to start, and the fans recognized that.

Outfield: Aaron Rowand, Philadelphia Phillies. .309, 11, 43.
Call it blatant homerism if you want, but his average and OBP are both 40 points higher than the fan selected starter Carlos Beltran's. And Beltran only has 4 more home runs, all 4 of which he hit against the Phils last weekend. That fuck. You could argue that Matt Holliday deserves to start over both of them, but he doesn't play centerfield, so I'm sticking with Rowand.

Outfield: Ken Griffey Jr., Cincinnati Reds. .293, 22, 57.
Griffey, one of the feel-good stories of this season, deservedly got voted in by the fans.

Pitcher: Jake Peavy, San Diego Padres. 9-3, 2.19 ERA, 1.06 WHIP, 125 Ks, 119 IP.
This was the hardest decision I had to make, because probable starter Brad Penny is very deserving (10-1, 2.39 ERA, 1.19 WHIP, 82Ks, 116.2 IP). The difference for me was strikeouts, of which Peavy has 43 more in only 2.1 more innings pitched. He also has slightly better peripherals, although Penny has indeed been great.

Well, there you have it. The fans got a lot of guys right, but made a few mistakes as well. It happens. Enjoy the break, when absolutely nothing will happen in sports for like 4 days.

Well, That Could Have Been Worse

We could have lost all four games to the Mets. But Kyle Kendrick stepped it up again (he's now 3-0) and the Phils are 5 games back instead of a possible 7. (They also could have taken the division lead with a sweep of the Mets, but things like that don't happen here.) For those for you wondering if I will have a "celebratory" post ready when the Phillies lose their 10,000th game, the answer is yes. Stay tuned.

Also, the Flyers signed some big free agent or something. Whatever. I will not start caring about them again. You hear me Flyers? You're dead to me. Dead!

Also, I realize this blog has slowly turned into a Philly sports blog, and for all three of you reading this who aren't from Philly, I apologize. There will be more general content, I promise. Especially when the NFL starts. God knows any clueless 'tard can write about that league.

A Catcher Stole Home?

Yes, Carlos Ruiz stole home in the Phillies 11-4 victory over the Reds Tuesday night. The last time any catcher stole home? Sometime in 1980. At least I think that's what the graphic said. Hey, I'm not fucking Elias, okay? Deal with it. As for some clarification on Ruiz's steal, it was a delayed double steal. He took off right after the catcher attempted, in vain, to throw out Michael Bourn at 2nd. It was awesome.

The Phillies patchwork rotation continues to hold up, as they got 6 good innings from Kyle Kendrick, who improves to 2-0 after out-dueling highly touted Reds rookie Homer Bailey, who didn't make it out of the 2nd inning. Ryan Howard hit his 17th home run and struck out 4 times, which he has been doing all too often this year. I'm a tad concerned, but as far as the Phillies go, Howard making contact is a minor issue. There's still that thing called the bullpen that isn't doing too well.

Also, Chase Utley went 3-4 with his 13th homer, improving his average to .325. What a stud. Meanwhile, the Phils are only 2.5 games out of first place, not that we haven't seen that before. I'll be satisfied when the playoffs start and the Phillies are involved. Still, if they can get through this rash of injuries to the rotation, they should be in good shape.

Henry? Hot Damn!

Thierry Henry, arguably the premier striker in the game today, has agreed to a transfer from Arsenal to FC Barcelona, my favorite European club. This make me quite excited because he is fucking good. He will bolster an attack that seemed to be lacking a spark at times this year, and he will do it well. The man has a nose for the goal (no, that wasn't a swipe at the French) and will fit in quite well with his new team. Samuel Eto'o's future remains to be seen, but if he remains with the club, they will have a pair of attackers unmatched anywhere. Thrown in Ronaldinho and budding superstar Lionel Messi, and man, this is a team to be reckoned with. I smell a triple, (win Champions League, win the Spanish Cup and finish atop the Spanish table) and man, it smells good.