Final Super Bowl Thoughts

Prediction: Patriots 31, Giants 24, Total number of shits given by me, 0.

This is the last you'll hear from me about the Super Bowl because I'm off to Houston tomorrow, and then to New Orleans for the game and for Mardi Gras, so I won't have time to update this. Zwill might make an appearance, but I promise nothing.

Considering it is indeed the Super Bowl, and I am indeed a sports fan, I feel as though I need to root for someone. At the very least, I need to bet on someone. Last year I bet on the Bears to cover, and that went to shit thanks to the incredible performance of Rex Grossman. Still, I wasn't upset to see Peyton Manning finally get a ring. I don't particularly like Manning, but I don't hate him either.

Eli though... Eli I don't like. Until today I was quite sure I would be rooting for the Giants. The Patriots are, after all, a detestably smug bunch of cheaters. Harrison took HGH. Belichick films things illegally. And Brady? Well, call me a hater if you must, but his life is just too fucking perfect. It really isn't personal - if he were an Eagle, I'd love him, and I am certainly willing to grant him his place in history as an all time great, but he's still a shithead. He just is. To be fair, I do like Randy Moss. But the rest of those fucks? And those fans? Guuuhhhhhhhh. Wonderful. I see your Welker jersey. Now please, fuck off.

How could I possibly root for a team like that to go undefeated? The fans would be even more insufferable than they already are. And then, it hit me: can you imagine Giants fans after a Super Bowl victory in which they knocked off an 18-0 team? Sweet merciful Jesus, they would be awful. Remember, they're (in theory) New Yorkers. They already have the built in sense of entitlement. Say what you will about New York, it is one of the most amazing cities in the world. It is - gasp! - cooler than Philly. Boston isn't. When a Boston fan is acting obnoxious, just ask them which suburb they're from and it shuts them up, at least momentarily. That doesn't work with New York fans. Even if they're from Long Island or Jersey, they still consider themselves New Yorkers, which makes them that much more insufferable. I have considerably more day to day contact with Giants fans than I do Pats fans, and while the Boston fans certainly don't deserve the undefeated season, at least they can't really get any worse. Giants fans? Oh, they can get worse. And believe me, if they win, they will.

There's also the point about the '72 Dolphins, who are a bunch of crusty old windbag shitfarts, but I don't really care about them. That being said, it would be nice to permanently shut them up. They annoy me. And seeing history made would be at least kind of cool, even if it is by a New England team. Love them or hate them, they are one hell of a football team on one hell of a run, and if they lost Sunday, the season would almost feel incomplete. In fact, if they lost, Boston fans might become even more annoying, what with all the whining and everything. I don't need that. So really, this is a tough call.

Either way I'm not going to lose a lot of sleep over the outcome. It is, I suppose, worth pointing out that one of my good friends made a $500 bet with a mutual acquaintance Pats fan when Eli was drafted that Eli would lead the Giants to a Super Bowl title within 10 years. I don't like that Pats fan, but if my buddy does have to pony up the money, I would get to mock him for it. So that's a plus.

I doubt there's much hope of an earthquake engulfing the stadium right after kickoff, so I guess I'll just be stuck rooting for whatever team I end up betting on. Which will depend on how many points are being given.

Ah, fuck it. I can't believe I'm writing this, but go Pats.

No. No, that doesn't feel right. Go Giants.

No. That's wrong too. Fuck.

Go Phillies. There we go. Only 61 days till Opening Day.