Final Super Bowl Thoughts

Prediction: Patriots 31, Giants 24, Total number of shits given by me, 0.

This is the last you'll hear from me about the Super Bowl because I'm off to Houston tomorrow, and then to New Orleans for the game and for Mardi Gras, so I won't have time to update this. Zwill might make an appearance, but I promise nothing.

Considering it is indeed the Super Bowl, and I am indeed a sports fan, I feel as though I need to root for someone. At the very least, I need to bet on someone. Last year I bet on the Bears to cover, and that went to shit thanks to the incredible performance of Rex Grossman. Still, I wasn't upset to see Peyton Manning finally get a ring. I don't particularly like Manning, but I don't hate him either.

Eli though... Eli I don't like. Until today I was quite sure I would be rooting for the Giants. The Patriots are, after all, a detestably smug bunch of cheaters. Harrison took HGH. Belichick films things illegally. And Brady? Well, call me a hater if you must, but his life is just too fucking perfect. It really isn't personal - if he were an Eagle, I'd love him, and I am certainly willing to grant him his place in history as an all time great, but he's still a shithead. He just is. To be fair, I do like Randy Moss. But the rest of those fucks? And those fans? Guuuhhhhhhhh. Wonderful. I see your Welker jersey. Now please, fuck off.

How could I possibly root for a team like that to go undefeated? The fans would be even more insufferable than they already are. And then, it hit me: can you imagine Giants fans after a Super Bowl victory in which they knocked off an 18-0 team? Sweet merciful Jesus, they would be awful. Remember, they're (in theory) New Yorkers. They already have the built in sense of entitlement. Say what you will about New York, it is one of the most amazing cities in the world. It is - gasp! - cooler than Philly. Boston isn't. When a Boston fan is acting obnoxious, just ask them which suburb they're from and it shuts them up, at least momentarily. That doesn't work with New York fans. Even if they're from Long Island or Jersey, they still consider themselves New Yorkers, which makes them that much more insufferable. I have considerably more day to day contact with Giants fans than I do Pats fans, and while the Boston fans certainly don't deserve the undefeated season, at least they can't really get any worse. Giants fans? Oh, they can get worse. And believe me, if they win, they will.

There's also the point about the '72 Dolphins, who are a bunch of crusty old windbag shitfarts, but I don't really care about them. That being said, it would be nice to permanently shut them up. They annoy me. And seeing history made would be at least kind of cool, even if it is by a New England team. Love them or hate them, they are one hell of a football team on one hell of a run, and if they lost Sunday, the season would almost feel incomplete. In fact, if they lost, Boston fans might become even more annoying, what with all the whining and everything. I don't need that. So really, this is a tough call.

Either way I'm not going to lose a lot of sleep over the outcome. It is, I suppose, worth pointing out that one of my good friends made a $500 bet with a mutual acquaintance Pats fan when Eli was drafted that Eli would lead the Giants to a Super Bowl title within 10 years. I don't like that Pats fan, but if my buddy does have to pony up the money, I would get to mock him for it. So that's a plus.

I doubt there's much hope of an earthquake engulfing the stadium right after kickoff, so I guess I'll just be stuck rooting for whatever team I end up betting on. Which will depend on how many points are being given.

Ah, fuck it. I can't believe I'm writing this, but go Pats.

No. No, that doesn't feel right. Go Giants.

No. That's wrong too. Fuck.

Go Phillies. There we go. Only 61 days till Opening Day.

Fuuuuuuccckkkkkkk

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuuuuuuccckkkkk. FUCK. I didn't need this. Not today. Not ever. Granted, the deal isn't final, but unless he doesn't pass a physical (he will) or they can't agree on a number (they will), it's going to happen.

Fuck.

Phils Sign Pedro Feliz

By doing so they are looking to fill the gaping hole at third base that Wes Helms' fat ass somehow couldn't. Feliz has hit 20+ home runs in each of the past 4 seasons. The last Phillie 3rd baseman to hit 20 homers in a season? Scott Rolen, back in 2001. Since then the hot corner in Philly has been, well, cold. Feliz is no superstar, but hey, he's gotta be better than Wes Helms, right? Right???

No, seriously, I like this move. It's not like we're asking this guy to hit clean up.

Hooray! It's Super Bowl Sunday!

Oh wait. No it isn't. Fuuuuuck. You go to hell, NFL.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I still love you. But hurry with the Super Bowl. I can't take much more of this tennis, golf and figure skating.

Is Everyone Else As Excited As I Am For The NHL All Star Game?!?

God damn this week sucks. Hurry up and get here Super Bowl. Once you're over I can officially start counting the days until baseball season.

The Giants Are Going To The Super Bowl?

Really? They are? These Giants? The 2007 Giants? The ones that allowed 80 points in their opening two games (both losses)? The Giants that this guy quarterbacks?


Really?

REALLY?

Wow. I was in NYC for the game, and many of my friends who are Giants fans had the same reaction. Sure, they're thrilled, but to say this has exceeded expectations would be like saying Eli is a tad tipsy in the above photo. Zwill (yes, he's still alive) said he thought this was a 6 win team at best. After the first two games this season I was convinced this was a bottom 5 team. Now, 17 games and 10 straight road wins later, this team is playing in the Super Bowl. Man, you gotta love the NFC. I will have more thoughts on the big game later. For now, there's one other thing I need to address.

While I hate to admit it, I agree with Angelo Cataldi. PAY. RYAN. FUCKING. HOWARD. PAY HIM NOW AND DO NOT STOP PAYING HIM UNTIL HE RETIRES. This, oh shortsighted and cheap owners of the Phillies, is NOT negotiable. I understand that he is only a third year player and not eligible for free agency until 2011. You know what? I don't give a fuck. He's 28, not 25. The only reason he doesn't have three more years of big league experience is because you shitfucks failed to realize his talent.

I remember going to a Reading Phillies game during the summer of 2004 and seeing some huge black dude swat two monstrous home runs and a double for a cool 5 RBIs. I turned to one of my buddies and said, "Who the fuck is Ryan Howard?" Now I know. If you continue to lowball this man until 2011, do you really think he's going to forget it? I wouldn't. If he ever plays for another team, it will be devastating to the Phillies for the indefinite future, possibly forever. That new generation of fans - you know, the ones even younger than I am - that the Phillies have established over the last two years, thanks in large part to Ryan Howard hitting over 100 homeruns over that span, would be crushed. It would be like letting Babe Ruth go to the Yankees. Is Howard as good as Babe Ruth? No. He isn't even the best player on his team. But he is, all things considered, the most important. And you don't let guys like that walk away and expect to not suffer the consequences. Pay the man. Pay him a lot. And then let us never speak of this again.

Now This Is Bad Parenting

While reading the paper today I came across this article about a Wisconsin man and his 7 year old son. Here's an excerpt:

"Upset that his 7-year-old son wouldn't wear a Green Bay Packers Jersey during the team's playoff victory Saturday, a man restrained the boy for an hour with tape and taped the jersey onto him."

The man was charged with disorderly conduct and fined $186. While what he did seems pretty awful - and it was - the bigger question is, "Why would a 7-year-old boy living in Wisconsin refuse to wear a Packers jersey if his dad was such a big fan?" Why on Earth would your own son not want to wear the team's jersey? I got my first Eagles jersey when I was 9 and it felt 8 years too late. I was thrilled to finally get one. And my dad isn't even that huge of an Eagles fan.

It's one thing if you live in another city and your kids want to root for the local teams because all their friends do. It's another thing entirely when you live in Wisconsin and your son refuses to wear a Packer's jersey. Regardless of whether or not you taped the kid up, you have failed as a father.

This Is Fantastic

I can't believe I didn't see this until 3 AM. He threw McNabb under the bus after the Super Bowl but he's crying for Tony Romo? Good fucking Christ. I could really get used to the Tony Romo era in Dallas if every season is going to end with spectacular failure. Enjoy the clip, which comes to you via KSK.

Oops

Maybe the Colts aren't going to win the Super Bowl after all. Oh well. I guess it'll be the Pats. I certainly can't see the Chargers beating them, but hey, that's what I said about the Colts, so who knows. By the way, what were the odds that Billy Volek would score the game winning touchdown for the Chargers? 800 billion to one? Higher? They were probably about the same as the odds of the Giants playing in the NFC Championship game when the season started. Whatever. I'm just glad the Cowboys lost. Ha. Hahaha. Hahahahahahaha. Fuck Dallas.

Playoff Picks, Round 2

Last week I was 2-2, though I WAS 3-1 against the spread. Whatever. Kickoff is in 2 hours and I need to make this quick.

Seattle at Green Bay: I'm STILL not sold on the Packers, the number 2 seed in the NFC (what a shitty conference!) but the Seahawks are even worse. Shaun Alexander, you can die a slow, painful, embarrassingly homosexual death, a la Vito Spatafore. And Hasselbeck, you can go to hell too. Not because you aren't good, but because I drafted Phillip Rivers instead of you on my fantasy team. Fuck Phillip Rivers. And fuck you for being bald. If you had hair, I probably would have trusted you more and drafted you. Green Bay wins, and the Favre Fellatio continues for at least another week.

Jacksonville at New England: Yeah, the Jags match up well against the Pats, but they didn't look too impressive against the Steelers. If it weren't for a botched holding call on 4th down, we'd be talking about how badly the Steelers would lose tot he Pats. (BADLY.) Anyway, are you really going to take David Garrard against Tom Brady and Bill Belichick at home? I'm not. Pats cruise to the AFC championship.

N.Y. Giants at Dallas: Well, everyone and their mother is picking Eli and his "road warrior" Giants on the road, and not without due cause. The Cowboys haven't looked that good since the Green Bay game. T.O. is banged up (though I think he plays and plays well). Romo's IQ is dropping by association due to his blond love interest. No, not Joe Buck. Her. And the Giants are playing well. Also, this is the third time these teams are meeting this season. They know each other. Either way, it will be close. I hate both of these teams, and nothing would make me happier than a Dallas loss, but I don't think it happens this week. The Cowboys win a thoroughly entertaining game.

San Diego at Indianapolis: Norv Turner and Phillip Rivers against Tony Dungy and Peyton Manning? Ha. Ha ha. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha. Yeah. Fucking. Right. This will be the least close of the games this weekend. Indy will win handily. Remember, they DID win 13 of their first 15 games. And yes, one of those 2 losses was to the Chargers, but had Vinatieri made a relatively close field goal with less than 2 minutes left, they would have won. I'm going on the record now and saying I think the Colts win the Super Bowl.

That'll do it for now. Enjoy the games.

Westbrook Named To All Pro Team

Brian Westbrook was named as one of two All Pro running backs today by the Associated Press. (The other was Ladainian Tomlinson.) Westbrook, who led the NFL in yards from scrimmage with 2,104, certainly deserved it. No other Eagles were selected, and really, none deserved to be. The team seems pretty solid in terms of who deserves to be there; only Ed Reed stuck out as someone who might not have earned his spot. That being said, Reed, who only had 39 tackles, did have 7 interceptions. (The entire team can be seen here.)

My only other real complaint was Devin Hester as the kick returner. That guy is just plain overrated.

Jeff Garcia Does It Again

For the third time in his career, Jeff Garcia led his team past the Giants in the playoffs, outplaying Eli Manning en route to an easy victory for the Bucs. This of course will validate the opinion of many in Philadelphia that Eagles should have resigned the 37 year old quarterback despite having a younger, more talented QB on their roster. Yes, after watching his virtuoso performance today in Florida, one has to wonder why the Eagles didn't resign Garcia. Good luck in Dallas next week Jeff.

Playoff Picks

This is not against the spread. Just who I think will win. I'll be doing this every week through the Super Bowl. Let's get it on.

Saturday:
-Washington at Seattle: The Seahawks aren't very good. Neither are the Redskins. Gotta love the NFC. Seattle is very good at home, and I like Matt Hasselbeck more than Todd Collins. Seattle wins a boring game.

-Jacksonville at Pittsburgh: Contrary to popular belief, the Jags did not blow the Steelers out last time. Also, everyone and their mother is picking the Jags. Not a good sign. Pittsburgh wins at home.

Sunday:
-N.Y. Giants at Tampa Bay: I'm not terribly sold on the Bucs, but the Giants stink. (Again, gotta love the NFC.) It's Eli Manning people. He may never win a playoff game. The Bucs outplay one of the worst 10 win teams of all time.

-Tennessee at San Diego: There's a chance Kerry Collins starts this game. Yikes. Norv isn't going to blow this one. San Diego wins easily.

Ah, playoff football. Even without the Eagles, I still love you. Enjoy the weekend.