Adam Eaton, Sixers, Still Not That Good

Not that either of those statements should come as a surprise. The Sixers don't have a winning record despite their recent string of success, and Eaton doesn't have any talent, despite his large contract.

The Sixers got pounded by a much better team last night (the Celtics), allowing Boston to score the first 15 points of the game. (NOT a good way to begin.) And Eaton, who had his back injury, the one that had supposedly been lingering since last season, checked out, only to have it revealed that the injury was minor and did not require treatment, has been terrible all spring.

The fact that his injury requires no real treatment, of course, makes me wonder why the fuck he has been so terrible. Is he just of of shape? (Probably.) Is he just untalented? (Yeah.) Is he a monumental shithead who should donate 95% of his salary to Hamels? (Mmhmm.) So why the fuck was he ever signed? (Phillies management is, for the most part, incompetent.) Ugh. March Madness needs to hurry up and get here so I don't have to worry about baseball until April.

Who am I kidding? I'm not gonna stop thinking about baseball. It's only 20 days away.

Ronaldinho Is Good At Soccer

Really, really fucking good. It's like he's not even trying. Bicycle kick? Don't mind if I do! I don't care if you don't like soccer. If you can't appreciate this, you're worthless as a sports fan.

Jose Canseco Is At It Again.

Oh man, this is funny. Good ol' Jose. He really knows how to entertain.

The Eagles Signed Asante Samuel?

Really? Hmm. I guess that means Lito Sheppard is on his way out. That, or the Eagles are planning on having the best nickelback in the league. If they trade Lito, here's hoping it's for a top of the line receiver. No offense, Mr. Curtis.

Just like the Eagles to try and steal some of the Phillies' thunder. While I'm pleased with the signing, it can't change the fact that baseball is coming.

Only 30 days till Opening Day.

Goosebumps? Yeah, That Sounds About Right

This is a clip summing up the last week of the 2007 Phillies season, narrated by the MVP himself, Jimmy Rollins. While the season came to an abrupt end at the hands of the Colorado Rockies, it was a hell of a run getting to the postseason.



Video courtesy of The 700 Level.

Fuck-ing Wonderful

I don't need this. Really. I don't. I had hoped my days of watching Tom Goirdon close games for the Phillies were over, but alas, they are not. Hopefully this isn't too serious and Lidge will be back by mid April as expected. Still, I'm not holding my breath.

God Dammit.

Only 35 days till Opening Day.

Big Boy Got Paid

Ryan Howard became the first Phillie ever to win an arbitration hearing, winning the rights to a $10 million salary for 2008. Good. He deserved it. It was the most ever awarded to a player who won his arbitration hearing, and he tied Alfonso Soriano for the most ever awarded to anyone, though Soriano lost in 2006. (He was seeking $12.5 million.) I'm just glad this is over with. There are more important things at hand, like baseball actually being played.

Only 39 days till Opening Day.

NBA Thoughts And Predictions

With the Jason Kidd trade now final, it officially raises the age old question, "Who the fuck is going to win the Western Conference?" The East is easy. Only 5 teams even have winning records, (Boaston, Detroit, Cleveland, Orlando and Toronto) and only the first 3 mentioned have a legitimate chance of winning the conference.

The West though? The West has 10 teams with winning records, and while only 8 of them will make the playoffs, conceivably any of those 8 could end up winning it all. There are, however, as far as I'm concerned, 6 teams with a real chance to come out of the West and win it all, provided they don't get too worn out in the Conference championship and shit the bed against Detroit, Cleveland or Boston. The teams with the best chance to win the West are, in reverse order, as follows:

New Orleans: Chris Paul is a beast. Tyson Chandler is a beast. David West is a beast. I love all of them as basketball players and would be surprised if someday Paul doesn't have at least one ring. But Peja Stojakovic is about as clutch as your granddaddy's Cadillac, and if he's your best outside shooter, you aren't winning a championship. It's one thing to miss a clinching 3 pointer. It's another thing entirely to airball one.

Utah: That Kyle Korver trade was huge. The needed someone to stretch defenses and they got him. Boozer and Williams are great players and this team could absolutely win a championship. They would easily be the best team in the East. But they don't play in the East, and I don't see them geting past any of the next four teams in a 7 game series.

L.A. Lakers: Gasol for Kwame Brown and a couple of picks? Um, YES. You now have a rejuvenated Kobe playing with a talented big man and a good cast of supporting players. Sound familiar? I thought so. Unfortunately, Gasol is no 2000-2002 Shaq, and this team has a very shallow bench. Still, never underestimate Kobe.

San Antonio: The reigning champs stood pat amidst all the trades and I can't say I blame them. They're a great team with a great nucleus and a great coach. Unfortunately for them, repeating is really, really hard and other teams improved drastically. Would I be shocked if the Spurs repeated? Certainly not. But I don't think it's going to happen.

Dallas: Love the Jason Kidd trade, although they're really going to miss Keith Van Horn. Devin Harris is a very good, young point guard, but he isn't Jason Kidd. I think Kidd will do a lot for Josh Howard and Dirk, but I'm still not sure this team can really bang down low with the big boys in the conference, which is why I have to give the nod to...

Damn it, that isn't the right one. I have no idea how that even got on here. The Clippers are fucking terrible. Hold on one second. Ok, here we go.

THIS team is going to win it all:
Thats right, Phoenix: I LOVE the Shaq trade, and not because I believe that, in this stage of his career, he is a better basketball player than Shawn Marion. But as far as this team is concerned, he IS more valuable. This exact group of players had their chance of winning a championship. they didn't. And they didn't because they didn't have a big man in the post that could handle the other big men in the conference, especially Duncan. Also, a happy, motivated Shaq is a wonderful thing. I don't care how old he is, he can still play. Phoenix can now run or grind it out, and they can do it well. That's why I think they'll finally be able to hold whatever the hell the NBA championship trophy is called over their heads come June. And I'll be rooting for them, not just because it will make me look smart. You gotta love Steve Nash. Us white basketball players (current and former) gotta stick together.

Phils Trade Kendrick For Hot Dog Champion

Or so he was made to believe. Apparently Brett Myers was a behind the prank, and Uncle Cholly and even Ruben Amaro Jr. got in on the act. Amaro printed up documents that Kendrick had to sign in triplicate and they even got some reporters to ask him about the trade. There's video of it here.

Oh baseball. Do hurry up and get here.

Pitchers And Catchers!

The Phillies officially begin spring training today as the pitchers and catchers - as well as some of the other players - report to camp in Florida. And on Valentine's Day no less. The Phillies really know the way to a man's heart. Usually they get there and then proceed to cause immeasurable pain, but today it's different. It's a fresh start. A new season. Spring is here, even if it is 35 degrees here in Philly. I think I'm gonna wear shorts today.

It's Time To Move On

Yes, the NFL season is officially over. True, it was really over last weekend, but the Pro Bowl did manage to give the illusion of football despite the lack of defense and touches for Brian Westbrook. (3 touches? Come the fuck on.) And yet, there is promise for what many consider to be the bleakest annual period of time for pro sports.

The Lakers traded for Pau Gasol without losing any important pieces. The Suns traded Shawn Marion to the Heat for Shaquille O'Neal. And Baseball, sweet, sweet baseball, is less than two months away. So fear not sports fan, we have plenty to look forward to. Hell, there's even some hockey worth watching.



Note: I don't think this is worth watching because the linesman got hurt. (He suffered a broken jaw and needed 60 stitches, but should be ok.) I just love how the players took it as an opportunity to incite a brawl.

Sports!

Holy SHIT, a lot happened while I was gone. The Gasol trade. The Shaq trade. The fucking Super Bowl. I have thoughts on all of them. I also just got back from Mardi Gras and am fucking exhausted, so I'm going to make it quick.

Gasol: the Lakers stole him, but I can see why Memphis felt the need to move him. They have a lot of young talent, and Kwame's expiring contract will give them more room to make moves. Still, I think they could have gotten more for him, and when Bynum comes back the Lakers are going to be good.

Shaq: great trade for both teams IF Shaq can stay healthy for the playoffs. I think Marion and Wade will mesh well in Miami, and Shaq is the inside presence the Suns have sorely lacked all this time. Sure, Amare is a beast on offense, but Tim Duncan (among others) continually treats him as though Amare just dropped the soap. Also, Shaq has never played with guys like Nash or Amare, and while he isn't SHAQ anymore, he's still, you know, Shaq. NBA, I'm officially interested in the season. Well played.

The Super Bowl: I'm as shocked as you are. Kudos to the Giants. I look forward to the Eagles beating the super Bowl Champs twice next season. As far as the game goes, it was boring until the last quarter, but hey, what a quarter.

Those are my condensed thoughts on the week that was. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to sleep for 15 hours.

Johan!

I had no intention of commenting on the Johan Santana trade until the World’s Greatest Pitcher put pen to paper and officially signed with the Mets. I'll believe it when I see it, I thought. This is the Mets fan’s mentality: Nothing is certain. It’s all just a house of cards waiting to collapse. Don’t jinx it.

It’s often hard for outsiders to see, but this is the true face of the New York sports fan. Behind all the bluster and alleged pomposity, the NY sports fan is full of fear and longing. He is truly devoted and committed to his team but he always sees the cloud that comes with the silver lining. Success is craved; failure is expected. Yankees fans obscure the true face of the New York sports fan, who is typically thought of as a cocksure blowhard who believes that winning is his divine birth right. While that may be an accurate description of some Yankee fans, it is certainly not true of the rest of us.

The most compelling proof of this was evident two weeks ago during the NFC Championship Game. As regulation time expired, the Giants’ Lawrence Tynes attempted a gimme field goal to send the club into the Super Bowl. The oft-maligned Tynes had spent the season disappointing the franchise with inaccurate field goal attempts and short kickoffs, so much so that retreads like Josh Huston and Billy Cundiff found themselves with mid-season tryouts for Tynes’ job. Few fans had confidence in Tynes as he lined up for the potential game-winner and he did not fail to disappoint.

When Corey Webster made the play of his career to give the Giants the ball deep in Packers’ territory a few minutes later, I dreaded the possibility of another field goal attempt. On fourth-and-five, I was despondent to see Larry trot back onto the field so with my head in my hands I watched him redeem himself with a 47-yard winner. My immediate reaction was not joy or elation or even relief – it was shock. For a full five seconds, I sat with my mouth agape in a room full of silent observers. Did that just happen? Did we really win? We did! We won! We fucking won!!! We’re going to the Super Bowl!!! With that realization, I began to jump up and down with my fists raised to the sky like that Hampton coach after they beat Iowa State in the 2001 NCAA Tournament. But shock was still the overwhelming emotion I felt. Every conversation I had with friends for the next several hours revolved around the same general premise: “I can’t believe we're going to the Super Bowl!”

Other examples are evident in nearly all New York franchises. Giants, Jets, Mets, Knicks, Rangers - it’s the same story across the board. Two on-again, off-again football teams with bouts of winning peppered amongst long periods of ineptitude. A baseball team notable for trading away Hall of Fame pitchers and fiscal strategies that would make George Bush stand up and cheer. A cornerstone of the NBA that is wrapping up its fourth decade without a title by setting records for wastefulness, not to mention executive misconduct. A proud “Original Six” franchise that didn’t win a Stanley Cup for 54 years and followed that by not making the playoffs for another ten. Even the Yankees have begun to join the pack over the last seven years by channeling the Mets (reckless spending), Knicks (ownership/management circus) and Rangers (annual late- and post-season collapses). Behind every club is a fan base praying for a championship … but dreading something far worse.

Which brings us back to the Mets. No New York franchise has done more to earn constant skepticism quite like the Mets. The Mets have lofty expectations seemingly every season and almost always disappoint. Every March, after an off-season consisting of a series of high-profile acquisitions, Mets fans are told, “This is the year!” Expectations grow, leaving the fan base especially irritated when the team is out of contention by June.

This team is far better than that and anything less than a division title and a deep post-season run will be a disappointment in 2008, just as it was in 2007. Yes, Johan Santana gives the Mets a potentially-devastating rotation to go with a solid bullpen and three of the league’s best position players. But he does nothing to change the fact that scrubs named Brian Schneider, Luis Castillo and Ryan Church are all important pieces of our lineup on a daily basis. Carlos Delgado and Moises Alou remain old. When – not if – any of these players are injured, the bench provides little reassurance, unless you are turned on by defensive replacement outfielders, of which we now have two – Endy Chavez AND Angel Pagan. And god forbid Beltran, Reyes or Wright misses significant time. Perish the thought.

In short, color me skeptical. I’ve heard this story before. I’ll believe it when I see it.

Final Super Bowl Thoughts

Prediction: Patriots 31, Giants 24, Total number of shits given by me, 0.

This is the last you'll hear from me about the Super Bowl because I'm off to Houston tomorrow, and then to New Orleans for the game and for Mardi Gras, so I won't have time to update this. Zwill might make an appearance, but I promise nothing.

Considering it is indeed the Super Bowl, and I am indeed a sports fan, I feel as though I need to root for someone. At the very least, I need to bet on someone. Last year I bet on the Bears to cover, and that went to shit thanks to the incredible performance of Rex Grossman. Still, I wasn't upset to see Peyton Manning finally get a ring. I don't particularly like Manning, but I don't hate him either.

Eli though... Eli I don't like. Until today I was quite sure I would be rooting for the Giants. The Patriots are, after all, a detestably smug bunch of cheaters. Harrison took HGH. Belichick films things illegally. And Brady? Well, call me a hater if you must, but his life is just too fucking perfect. It really isn't personal - if he were an Eagle, I'd love him, and I am certainly willing to grant him his place in history as an all time great, but he's still a shithead. He just is. To be fair, I do like Randy Moss. But the rest of those fucks? And those fans? Guuuhhhhhhhh. Wonderful. I see your Welker jersey. Now please, fuck off.

How could I possibly root for a team like that to go undefeated? The fans would be even more insufferable than they already are. And then, it hit me: can you imagine Giants fans after a Super Bowl victory in which they knocked off an 18-0 team? Sweet merciful Jesus, they would be awful. Remember, they're (in theory) New Yorkers. They already have the built in sense of entitlement. Say what you will about New York, it is one of the most amazing cities in the world. It is - gasp! - cooler than Philly. Boston isn't. When a Boston fan is acting obnoxious, just ask them which suburb they're from and it shuts them up, at least momentarily. That doesn't work with New York fans. Even if they're from Long Island or Jersey, they still consider themselves New Yorkers, which makes them that much more insufferable. I have considerably more day to day contact with Giants fans than I do Pats fans, and while the Boston fans certainly don't deserve the undefeated season, at least they can't really get any worse. Giants fans? Oh, they can get worse. And believe me, if they win, they will.

There's also the point about the '72 Dolphins, who are a bunch of crusty old windbag shitfarts, but I don't really care about them. That being said, it would be nice to permanently shut them up. They annoy me. And seeing history made would be at least kind of cool, even if it is by a New England team. Love them or hate them, they are one hell of a football team on one hell of a run, and if they lost Sunday, the season would almost feel incomplete. In fact, if they lost, Boston fans might become even more annoying, what with all the whining and everything. I don't need that. So really, this is a tough call.

Either way I'm not going to lose a lot of sleep over the outcome. It is, I suppose, worth pointing out that one of my good friends made a $500 bet with a mutual acquaintance Pats fan when Eli was drafted that Eli would lead the Giants to a Super Bowl title within 10 years. I don't like that Pats fan, but if my buddy does have to pony up the money, I would get to mock him for it. So that's a plus.

I doubt there's much hope of an earthquake engulfing the stadium right after kickoff, so I guess I'll just be stuck rooting for whatever team I end up betting on. Which will depend on how many points are being given.

Ah, fuck it. I can't believe I'm writing this, but go Pats.

No. No, that doesn't feel right. Go Giants.

No. That's wrong too. Fuck.

Go Phillies. There we go. Only 61 days till Opening Day.

Fuuuuuuccckkkkkkk

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuuuuuuccckkkkk. FUCK. I didn't need this. Not today. Not ever. Granted, the deal isn't final, but unless he doesn't pass a physical (he will) or they can't agree on a number (they will), it's going to happen.

Fuck.

Phils Sign Pedro Feliz

By doing so they are looking to fill the gaping hole at third base that Wes Helms' fat ass somehow couldn't. Feliz has hit 20+ home runs in each of the past 4 seasons. The last Phillie 3rd baseman to hit 20 homers in a season? Scott Rolen, back in 2001. Since then the hot corner in Philly has been, well, cold. Feliz is no superstar, but hey, he's gotta be better than Wes Helms, right? Right???

No, seriously, I like this move. It's not like we're asking this guy to hit clean up.

Hooray! It's Super Bowl Sunday!

Oh wait. No it isn't. Fuuuuuck. You go to hell, NFL.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I still love you. But hurry with the Super Bowl. I can't take much more of this tennis, golf and figure skating.

Is Everyone Else As Excited As I Am For The NHL All Star Game?!?

God damn this week sucks. Hurry up and get here Super Bowl. Once you're over I can officially start counting the days until baseball season.

The Giants Are Going To The Super Bowl?

Really? They are? These Giants? The 2007 Giants? The ones that allowed 80 points in their opening two games (both losses)? The Giants that this guy quarterbacks?


Really?

REALLY?

Wow. I was in NYC for the game, and many of my friends who are Giants fans had the same reaction. Sure, they're thrilled, but to say this has exceeded expectations would be like saying Eli is a tad tipsy in the above photo. Zwill (yes, he's still alive) said he thought this was a 6 win team at best. After the first two games this season I was convinced this was a bottom 5 team. Now, 17 games and 10 straight road wins later, this team is playing in the Super Bowl. Man, you gotta love the NFC. I will have more thoughts on the big game later. For now, there's one other thing I need to address.

While I hate to admit it, I agree with Angelo Cataldi. PAY. RYAN. FUCKING. HOWARD. PAY HIM NOW AND DO NOT STOP PAYING HIM UNTIL HE RETIRES. This, oh shortsighted and cheap owners of the Phillies, is NOT negotiable. I understand that he is only a third year player and not eligible for free agency until 2011. You know what? I don't give a fuck. He's 28, not 25. The only reason he doesn't have three more years of big league experience is because you shitfucks failed to realize his talent.

I remember going to a Reading Phillies game during the summer of 2004 and seeing some huge black dude swat two monstrous home runs and a double for a cool 5 RBIs. I turned to one of my buddies and said, "Who the fuck is Ryan Howard?" Now I know. If you continue to lowball this man until 2011, do you really think he's going to forget it? I wouldn't. If he ever plays for another team, it will be devastating to the Phillies for the indefinite future, possibly forever. That new generation of fans - you know, the ones even younger than I am - that the Phillies have established over the last two years, thanks in large part to Ryan Howard hitting over 100 homeruns over that span, would be crushed. It would be like letting Babe Ruth go to the Yankees. Is Howard as good as Babe Ruth? No. He isn't even the best player on his team. But he is, all things considered, the most important. And you don't let guys like that walk away and expect to not suffer the consequences. Pay the man. Pay him a lot. And then let us never speak of this again.

Now This Is Bad Parenting

While reading the paper today I came across this article about a Wisconsin man and his 7 year old son. Here's an excerpt:

"Upset that his 7-year-old son wouldn't wear a Green Bay Packers Jersey during the team's playoff victory Saturday, a man restrained the boy for an hour with tape and taped the jersey onto him."

The man was charged with disorderly conduct and fined $186. While what he did seems pretty awful - and it was - the bigger question is, "Why would a 7-year-old boy living in Wisconsin refuse to wear a Packers jersey if his dad was such a big fan?" Why on Earth would your own son not want to wear the team's jersey? I got my first Eagles jersey when I was 9 and it felt 8 years too late. I was thrilled to finally get one. And my dad isn't even that huge of an Eagles fan.

It's one thing if you live in another city and your kids want to root for the local teams because all their friends do. It's another thing entirely when you live in Wisconsin and your son refuses to wear a Packer's jersey. Regardless of whether or not you taped the kid up, you have failed as a father.