Chipper Jones, excuse me - Laaaaaarrrrryyyyyyyyy - was recently overheard whining about having to play the Red Sox every year in interleague play while other teams in the NL face easier, non AL East competition. Well Larry, I gotta say, you have a legit complaint. But it needs some fine tuning. Interleague play is only unfair when the American League team is the home team. Why? Because then the NL team is forced to start a player who would otherwise not be a starter as the designated hitter.
Yes, designated hitter, the two dirtiest words in baseball, with the obvious exception of "Canseco's needle". (We all know where that thing has been. Yikes.) The designated hitter is stupid. It cheapens the game. It creates a disparity between leagues. And it fucks up fantasy baseball rosters everywhere.
Bud Selig, blubbering spineless vagina that he is, needs to get rid of the DH once and for all. Players such as David Ortiz and Travis Hafner will still be able to find work, trust me on that one. And as for guys like Frank Thomas and Mike Piazza who have been able to extend their careers by only playing offense, well, tough shit fellas. You can't field any more? Retire. Go out with some dignity, a word that is now rarely associated with out once glorious national pastime.
And as for you Larry, stop worrying about interleague play. Think of the fans in Atlanta who wouldn't otherwise get to see - hmm, "the fans in Atlanta" is setting off all kinds of red flags with my word processor's built in grammar check. It might have something to do with the phrase being an oxymoron. Whatever, bad example. Personally I like getting the chance to see the Phils play the Yankees or the Red Sox, even if it does mean they're probably going to get shellacked. It's a whole new set of players for me to heckle. And that dear Larry, is what makes it all worthwhile.
2 comments:
Fans in Atlanta. Hmmm. I don't know about that--you must consider that Atlanta is a town full of carpet-baggers and gays--but there sure are a few in Athens and trhoughout the rest of the great sstate of Georgia. Whether the suburbs of Atlanta--Lilburn, whence hails Heap--or the outer edges of the state--where Willie Harris grew up in the same home town as Jackie O...wait that wasn't name, Jackie Robinson, that's it. Look for us on Thursday night when we're shit-wasted in the outfield, all wearing the same shirt--which yours truly made with pride and dedication. Watch as John Smoltz wins game number 200 versus the Mets' ace who has yet to win a game when going against ol' Smoltzie. We're gonna be so obnoxious that we're sure to be on TV at the end of the week after we get some peace of shit Mets' reliever bra strap and wave it around like a helicopter. Woot Woot.
One more thing, how much does it suck being a Phillies Phan?
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