FUCK MARKO JARIC

That son of a bitch is dating my woman. That is NOT FUCKING COOL. You hear me Marko? You just made the list. Me and you buddy, we're throwing down. I mean, come the fuck on.

This man:
is fucking this woman?!?!?!:
Ye gods... there is no God. Marko, however, would probably disagree.

And, to ease our collective pain at this news, and the much more dire Sean Taylor news (R.I.P) here are some more gratuitous Adriana Lima pictures:

Jesus.
Mary.
And Joseph.

Someday, my darling. Someday you will be mine.

Sheldon Was Almost Right. Almost.

Oh, that was close. So very, very close. Let me just say, first and foremost, that I am proud of the Eagles. They put up one hell of a fight and even, on a select few occasions, looked like the better team. They weren't the better team, and they sure aren't the better team, but to a casual observer, they may have appeared that way at times.

There are a few things that need to be said about this game. For only the second time this season, the Patriots looked mortal. Someone may not beat this team, but shit, someone can. The don't run that well. The defense isn't that good. (It's easy to seem that good when the offense keeps you off the field for 40 minutes a game.) And Tom Brady, well, okay, he's really fucking good. He may have only had one TD, but he didn't really make a bad throw all game. Maybe one or two, but not when it mattered. Did anyone really think the Eagles were going into halftime with a lead when Brady was driving at the end of the first half, down by 4? I sure didn't. No one runs a two minute drill better than he does. That fucking asshole.

What also needs to be said is this: A.J. FEELEY IS NOT A BETTER QUARTERBACK THAN DONOVAN McNABB. He never has been, and he never will be. So seriously, all of you idiots here in Philly that think he's the answer, please, shut up. How soon we forget that this is a young man that couldn't hold down a starting job for the soon-to-be 0-11 Miami Dolphins. He's a good back up QB, but that's just it - he's still a back up. A.J. played admirably against the Patriots, but he wasn't "amazing" or "incredible", which were both words I heard someone use to describe his performance tonight. McNabb probably wouldn't have thrown that first interception and he definitely wouldn't have thrown the second one.

One could argue that he may not have made the plays in between those two passes that kept the Eagles in the game, and to that I offer this: if the Eagles coaches called the exact same gameplan for McNabb that they do for any of his back ups, (Feeley, Garica - anyone), then he would be more effective than any of those guys. He is a better QB than any of those guys and would therefore be more effective than any of them if the coaches would use the same gameplan, which is: throw when you have to, but win with Westbrook. The Eagles had to throw a lot tonight because the Patriots keyed in on Westbrook, and trust me people, a healthy Donovan McNabb throws the ball better than a healthy A.J. Feeley every fucking time. It isn't McNabb's fault that Andy still thinks he's the best player on the Eagles. This game was as close as it was because Jim Johnson is a genius and because the playcalling was simple and effective, not because A.J. Feeley is Joe Montana. If McNabb is healthy - and I will concede the possibility that he may not be for quite some time - he should start for this football team. End of discussion.

As for the rest of the game, well, you gotta hand it to both sides. The Eagles deserve credit for shoving what was obviously, in retrospect, one of the most ridiculous spreads of all time down the throats of anyone who bet against them. And the Patriots deserve credit because, well, they did win. And that is, unfortunately, the bottom line. They won. They are still undefeated and will remain that way for at least 7 more days. But there is hope. Someone can beat this team, and God willing, someone will. I can't live in a world where Philadelphia fans rightfully think of Boston fans as obnoxious blowhards. If you think they're bad now - and they are - just wait until the Pats go 19-0. Trust me, we ain't seen nothin' yet. Here's hopin' we never will.

Sheldon Sez: Pats Are Beatable.

You know, if you injure Brady or Moss. A direct quote from Sheldon Brown, starting cornerback for the Eagles, who face the Patriots this Sunday night:

"I think everybody's beatable. This is what's funny to me, and this is why I don't gamble. Say Tom Brady takes a blow to the head in the first quarter and gets a concussion. Are they beatable? Say Randy Moss runs a go route and pulls a hamstring. Are they beatable? It takes a total team effort. Everybody seems to forget that. the game we play, it's such a violent sport, you never known when I guy is going to go down."

Word. That's what I want to hear from my defensive players. Brown isn't stupid. He knows he can't cover Moss. No one can. But if Moss were to pull a hammy, or catch a shiv in the back, shit, you never know who might win.

On a related note, the Eagles are 22 point underdogs. Damn. That's the second highest spread ever. In the history of the NFL. Now, if McNabb and Quentin Mikell announce they're playing, that will probably drop to a more reasonable 17 or so. Yikes. Remember when these two teams played in the Super Bowl? Yeah, they've gone in different directions since then.

M-V-P! M-V-P!

Yes, Jimmy Rollins won the National League MVP award today, becoming the second Phillie in as many years to win the award. Did Rollins deserve it? Yeah, sure, why not. Am I a little biased? I guess. But I wouldn't exactly be frothing mad right now had Matt Holliday won the award. His numbers were pretty good.

Here's Jimmy's take on the whole situation:

I do think Rollins was a little more consistent across the board, although I did see one amazing stat about Holliday's season - during his worst month, he hit .270+ with 7 homers. That was his worst month. Yikes. He's good. Real good. But Rollins was better on the road, he's a very good defender and he was the one constant in a Phillies season that was ravaged by injuries and inconsistent play. (Honestly, had Utley not missed any time, he probably would have won this award.)

Rollins made some ca-razy statements this winter, and he backed them up. He killed the Mets this year. He got a ton of clutch hits. And he played 162 games at the most demanding position on the field other than catcher. Both men deserved it. I'm glad Jimmy got it. Now, if he could just win a playoff game...

In Defense of Barry Bonds

Look, let me say this immediately - I don't like Barry Bonds. He's a dick. Always has been, always will be. These recent developments, however, are a tad over the top. He's being indicted for perjury? Really? Are you going to indite Rafael Palmeiro too? What about Mark "I'm not here to talk about the past" McGwire? (I always loved how he was allowed to get away with saying that WHEN HE WAS APPEARING IN FRONT OF CONGRESS TO DISCUSS HIS PAST!) Good grief. What about Sammy "I suddenly don't speak English" Sosa?

You're going to punish Bonds - because he just happened to be a better baseball player than those guys - and not them? You're going to punish him for not being friendly to the media? Yo, fuck that.

You want to take away his record (if that's even possible)? Fine. No one who actually cares about baseball considers him the "Home Run King". (A couple days ago the headline in the paper read "Home Run King Indicted" and my immediate reaction was "Hank Aaron was indicted?") You want to essentially force him into retirement? Done.

You want to render all of his accomplishments on the baseball diamond worthless? Beyond done. But you want to put him in jail? Come on now. That isn't fair.

If you ask me, this whole thing just REEKS of Monica Lewinsky. No, it doesn't smell like cheeseburgers and dick. I didn't mean it literally. I mean it sounds just like the whole scandal that wasted God only knows how much of our time and money. Did the president get freaky with a fat intern? Yup. Was it any of our fucking business? HELL. FUCKING. NO. That's my problem with perjury: if you have no business asking the question, I don't have to answer it truthfully.

Now, with Bonds it is a little different. We do have a right, as baseball fans, to know if he used performance enhancing drugs. However, at the time of use, he wasn't violating the rules of baseball. Just like Clinton wasn't breaking any laws by letting a fatty schlob his knob. Both Bonds and Clinton were being asked questions they should not have had to answer. Baseball had Barry's test results. He didn't need to go on the stand. And he certainly shouldn't be sent to jail for trying to save his image. Do you really think anyone in the world is more upset about this than Bonds? Not a chance. This is especially upsetting for him (and sad for baseball fans) because he would have been a shoo in for the Hall based on his natural ability alone.

Now? That's all gone. He might get into the Hall of Fame someday, but it will be a pretty vacant honor. The one thing Bonds always had going for him was the respect of true baseball fans, love him or hate him. That's gone now too. And it's never coming back. Do we really need to waste a prison cell (and plenty of taxpayer dollars) on this guy? No. We don't.

Now, if you want to lock Bud Selig up for a while, hey, I'm all for it.

I Hate Fantasy Football

Really, I do. So why do I play it? And why do I have 11 teams? I don't fucking know. Only 3 of those teams matter (the other 8 are free ESPN teams), but this shit still pisses me off to no end. It's like gambling - I got hooked in 2005 when I had a team that featured Shaun Alexander (his MVP season), Larry Johnson (when he went apeshit all over the league after Priest went down), Carson Palmer (his breakout season) and Steve Smith (his comeback year). And the rest of the roster was well rounded too, not that it mattered. (You can see the final team here.) Those four usually outscored the other team I was playing by themselves.

(For the record, I did lose in the final after winning 8 straight because Smith and Palmer did nothing and my opponent had Frank Gore, who felt like breaking out in week 16 of the 2005 NFL season. You see? I told you I fucking hate fantasy football.)

Anyway, after feeling really smart about the way I drafted that team, I had become sucked in. It was really just beginners luck, kind of like how everyone wins the first time they go to Atlantic City. That isn't to say I'm bad at fantasy football, because I'm not. But ever since that first team, it seems nothing has gone right.

Let's use my two star runningbacks from 2005 as examples, shall we? In 2006, in the only league I was playing in that mattered, I was lucky enough to have the first pick. Who did I take? LaDanian Tomlinson - who, for the record, Zwill did say was the best player in football right before the drat started. He's so wise - the man who assraped the league and many an opposing fantasy team? No sir. I took Johnson. Yeah, he had a decent year, but the Chiefs had no other weapons, Herm tried to run him into the ground and there were numerous later picks that outperformed him.

Then there's Shaun Alexander. In 2006 I was fortunate enough to not own him on any teams. 2007 has not been so kind. I have him on no less than 5 teams - including 2 of the important ones - and he is making me quite homicidal. Five fucking teams. I have him on five more teams than Adrian Peterson, Tom Brady and Randy Moss combined. He hasn't scored double digit points since week two. And to think I could have had Joseph Addai on all but one of those teams. Ugh. I fucking hate fantasy football. I can't wait to play it for the next 40 years.

Phils Get Lidge, Lose Bourn

I was going to title this post "Hey Charlotte, How Does Your Ass Feel?", but when I went over to ESPN to check the score of the Sixers game (94-63), this story had just been posted. The Phils gave up Geoff Geary and Michael Bourn (and some minor leaguer) for Brad Lidge, a man with the ability to be one of the premier closers in baseball. You hate to lose Bourn, a speedy outfielder with a ton of potential, but he probably isn't going to be an effective full time major leaguer for the Astros this year. And he may never be. For a very in depth evaluation, check out what Kieth Law has to say. (You will need ESPN Insider to read the entire article.)

More importantly, this allows the Phillies to move Brett Myers back to the rotation. Thank. Fucking. God. Look, Myers was pretty effective as a closer, I can't argue that. You know why? He's a good fucking pitcher! You want your best pitchers throwing 200+ innings if they have the arm to do it, and he has that arm. Now, with Hamels, the Phillies boast a very, very solid 1-2 punch at the top of the rotation. While the rest of the rotation wont scare anyone, it should be good enough to return the Phillies to the playoffs if the lineup does its thing.

And, speaking of the lineup, this trade makes me think the Phillies will keep Rowand. It's that, or go to war with Jason Werth as your right fielder. Werth had a great second half, but Rowand is a proven player, and we love him here in Philly. As long as the asking price isn't way too high, he should be brought back. He had a great year and was integral to the team's success.

Anyway, that's all I know for now. But this much is certain: The Bobcats are going to have trouble sitting down tonight. 31 points? To the Sixers? These Sixers? Yeesh.

Oh, and the Flyers beat the Penguins for the first time since April 2006 by a score of 3-1 to improve their record to 9-5. Yippee.

Nothing good happened to the Eagles. Hey, three outta four ain't bad.

Hey Besiktas, How Does Your Ass Feel?

I'll bet it hurt, because you just got raped. Viciously. By Liverpool. 8-0? Ho-ly shit. Way to be on the wrong end of a Champions League record. Dayum. Y'all got smoked. Peter Crouch, one of the many Brits more talented than David Beckham, opened and closed the scoring. In between Yossi Benayoun notched a hat trick, Steven Gerrard (another Brit way better than Beckham) added a beauty, and Ryan Babel also tallied a pair, the first of which was a glorious backheel that I will post video of as soon as I find it. Mmm, Champions League soccer. Gotta love it.

This Just In: The Eagles Stink!

Wait a minute... that isn't "just in". We've known that for weeks now. All last night's game did was drive that point home in a way that only a nationally televised game against the Cowboys could. The 'Boys won 38-17, and, um, it wasn't that close. The Eagles are now 4 games back in the division with only 8 to play. They are also 0-3 within the division, having lost to the Redskins, Giants and Cowboys once each, all on national TV.

So what's going on? The Eagles used to dominate on national TV (unless it was an NFC championship game). Now? Now they don't dominate anything. I mean, one week they keep Adrian "Purple Jesus" Peterson in check, and the next week Tony Romo is ass-raping them with a plunger, and doing it with a smile. Yes, the Cowboys are a much better team than the Vikings (and the Eagles, for that matter) but it still does not explain why the Eagles have been so maddeningly inconsistent this season. Usually, when a team plays so up and down over the course of the season, it's time to look at the coach.

Ah yes, the coach. Now look, I have nothing but sympathy for Andy Reid and what he has had to deal with in terms of his offspring over the course of the last year. This isn't his fault. If they were 16, then maybe you could point a finger at him and his wife, but these boys are grown men (albeit stupid ones). Yes, he has, for the last decade at least, worked ridiculously long hours. You know why? To provide for his family! That's how you idiots repay him? Selling drugs in the ghetto and brandishing fire arms at other drivers? Deep down I'm praying those boys don't reproduce, but something tells me they will. They are, after all, Mormons.

Now, it would be foolish to say that Andy has not been affected by the behavior surrounding the idiots known as Britt and Garrett Reid. However, Andy maintains that it does not affect the way he coaches. Well Andy, I'm calling shenanigans. Either it is affecting you and you need to take a leave of absence (no one will judge you) or it isn't affecting you and you just don't know how to coach anymore. The latter is certainly a possibility, but it's still hard to believe for a man who has won over 60% of the games he has coached. But he did, after all, call that punt at the end of the Saints playoff game last year, so maybe he is losing it. And he's always been terrible with clock management. Still, he's got to be one of the better coaches in the NFL, right? Isn't it time for him to take a break, let the Eagles cruise to a 6-10 record, get a nice draft pick and work on next year? Look, I'm not advocating my team go in the tank, but shit, they aren't a playoff team, let alone a Super Bowl contender.

I'm also not advocating the start of the Kevin "Corn on the" Kolb era. McNabb still has a couple good years left, but when his most dangerous target is Kevin Curtis, you can't expect the Eagles to strike fear into the hearts of opposing defenses. It's time to look at next season. Going 6-2 down the stretch and squeaking into the playoffs for a road game would not be a good thing. If this team is to ever win a Super Bowl with any of the pieces it has in place, another draft pick in the 19-26 range isn't going to help. Should we start throwing games? Of course not. This team is shitty enough to lose games while giving a full effort. But this season is over, even if there are 8 games left. Just because I'm not too delusional to admit it, that doesn't make me the asshole. No, the asshole is still this guy.

God, what a fucking asshole.

Pretend You Care About Hockey For A Moment

Let me make it known immediately that this post, whilst appearing on a Philly-centric sports blog, is written by a lifelong New York sports supporter. Every team I root for – Mets, Giants, Knicks, Rangers – is directly at odds with the four major Philadelphia sports franchises. In spite of this, I am allowed space and time to write on this blog in some sort of meaningless ode to the crippled spirit of the American free speech ideal. It is believed, I assume, that my presence brings a type of balance to the equation, if by balance we mean “a different biased perspective.” In any case, it was inevitable that the interests of this blog would run counter to my own and we have our first example of that this evening in the form of the first of many Rangers-Flyers contests this year.

(There will be eight such matchups this season, in fact, given that the NHL does not want you to see anyone outside your division. The Rangers make two trips across the Mississippi river all season, including a two-game jaunt to Minnesota and Colorado in December and a three-game January roadtrip to Calgary, Vancouver and Edmonton, and otherwise don’t travel further than Miami, Tampa and Atlanta for two road contests apiece. Worse off are the Western Conference teams and their fans, which may not see the likes of Crosby, Ovechkin, Heatley – not even Chris Fucking Simon – all season long. But you will be treated to eight games a year with the high-flying New Jersey Devils, led by a barely-pulsing Martin Brodeur. Marty! Wake up!)

The Flyers fast start was much needed. With the Phillies being swept in the first round of the playoffs, the Eagles’ rank-and-file spending an inordinate amount of time with Garrett Reid, and the Sixers beginning another year of pain by giving a starting job to Willie Green, the poor Flyers are left to fly the flag for all of Philadelphia. Last year, the lowly Flyers finished with 56 points, winning a mere 10 of 42 home contests and solidifying their position as the armpit of America’s most frustrating sporting city. But things have suddenly changed and the Flyers are sitting in first place in the Atlantic Division a full month into the season. Most have pointed to the import of Daniel Briere from Buffalo prior to the season as the key to the club’s success but while Briere’s impact is a given, it has been the strong play from the team’s young players – Mike Richards (22 years old), Jeff Carter (22) and Joff Lopul (24) – that has kept the team scoring goals. And a full season of Martin Biron (2.11 GAA in 10 starts) between the pipes will do wonders to make up for the presence of blue line fossils like Derian Hatcher and Jason Smith.

The Rangers came into the season with very high expectations, including many calls for the Cup’s return to the Garden. The team responded as only they can by taking just five points from their first eight games. Even after a recent surge – four wins in five games – they still possess the league’s most inept offense, scoring 1.67 goals per game. Only Edmonton comes close to that pathetic rate at 1.96 GPG. Injuries have played their part as Martin Straka, Sean Avery and Ryan Callahan have all missed significant time but that does not justify the play of many other Ranger forwards. It does not explain why Scott Gomez has a mere five points despite centering Jaromir Jagr. And that’s just one question. Others include: When did Brendan Shanahan become the slowest player in the league? Why is Petr Prucha suddenly useless? How many millions did Jagr lose in his last trip to Vegas?

In spite of their league-worst offense, the Rangers are still 6-6-1, good enough for 13 points, only three behind the Flyers. This can be attributed to several strong defense pairings and one of the league’s top goaltenders, Henrik Lundqvist. The Swede with the expensive haircut has started all 13 contests and possesses a 1.61 GAA. With three shutouts in his last seven games, Henrik is single-handedly keeping the club in contention but even he must be getting a bit tired of his teammates’ incompetence in front of him. At some point he is going to come back to earth.

What can we expect from this evening’s contest? It is the first game of the year between the two rivals but with seven more to come in the next few months I don’t expect either coach to approach this as a crucial early season test. The Rangers took six of eight games from the Flyers last year so one might expect that the Flyers will come out with special purpose but I think that the Rangers’ home-ice advantage (6-2-0 at MSG) will neutralize any special energy that the Flyers bring. I expect the usual defensive tactics and overall stifling of all excitement that the Rangers have employed all season. I will also guarantee several fights. Sean Avery returned to the Rangers’ lineup on Saturday and Ryan Hollweg and Colton Orr will also dress. The Flyers will counter with Ben Eager, Riley Cote and cheap shot artist Randy Jones, fresh off a short suspension for laying out Patrice Bergeron of the Bruins. Hopefully the Rangers will push forward and attempt to score goals rather than, you know, sit back and wait for the game to end. And hopefully the Flyers’ goon squad can avoid anything too dirty, like charging after hecklers in the stands or finishing their checks with shanks in their gloves.

Because Youtube Makes It Look Like We're Working When We're Really Not

I know I linked to this goal before, but man, it's so pretty I just had to post it again. Lionel Messi is the game's next great, great player. Bask in his brilliance.